Beautiful Disaster
by The Joker XD
Summary: Severus and Hermione set a few years after DH. Non-compliant, obviously. Should I continue or end it?
1. As Damned As He Seems

"_He's as damned as he seems,  
more heaven than a heart could hold."_

"Hello, Severus," Lupin said happily as he strode into Snape's office.

"You know, Lupin, that door was shut for a purpose," Snape's eyes did not stray from his book.

"Well, it's certainly nice to see you too, mate!" Remus said as he pulled up a chair and sat directly in front of Snape's desk.

Severus raised an eyebrow and glanced up at Lupin. Lupin's dark blue eyes were shining. Snape returned his attention to the book he was reading.

"Well, how was your summer?" Remus prodded.

"Lovely," Snape drawled.

"Oh, mine was too, thanks for asking," Remus chuckled.

"Fine," Severus growled and leaned back away from his desk into his chair, "What do you want Lupin?"

"I cannot simply have a conversation with you?" Remus looked at him accusingly.

"No," Snape glared at him.

"Severus, I am offended!" Remus crossed his arms.

"Lupin, what do you want? You come into my office, unannounced and unwelcome, smiling like a girl, and wish to _just_ converse?" Snape's silky voice said.

"What would you have done had your voice not healed?" Remus realized he was acting like a hyper-active child.

"I would do nothing differently," Snape's eyes were flickering, a warning for Lupin.

"Oh, come off it, you know that students would not cower in fear of the Bat of the Dungeons if his voice sounded like an old wench who's smoked for fifty years, eh?" Lupin was amusing himself.

"I'm glad you, at least, find yourself amusing," Snape said.

"I consider us friends, Severus," Remus said, his smile fading.

"Do you?" He said silkily.

"I do. Do you not?" Remus' face had returned to normal.

"I suppose I do," Severus drawled.

"You do what?" Remus smirked.

"You know what, Lupin," Snape glared.

"No, I'm afraid I don't, Sev," Lupin began to smile again.

"I do consider us friends," Severus grumbled, "Remus."

Remus' grin stretched ear to ear, "Haha! So, have you heard we're getting a new Charms professor?" The glint behind Remus' eyes concerned Snape.

"I had heard something of the sort," Snape said casually, "Why?"

"Do you know who it is?" Something was amusing Lupin.

"No."

"Hmmmm…well, I guess you must go and find out. Come on, walk with me," Lupin said getting up from the desk.

"Why not just tell me, Lupin?" Snape muttered, getting up from his desk.

"It will be much more amusing to see the look on your face," Lupin smiled, patting Severus on the shoulder playfully.

Minutes later, Snape and Lupin sat side by side at the start of term staff meeting. Snape was taking a sip of water as McGonagall announced the new professor.

"Good evening everyone, I would like to introduce, or rather, re-introduce, Miss Hermione Granger. She will be taking up the Charms post!"

Snape choked on his water, nearly spitting it out and Lupin could hardly contain his laughter. He hit Snape roughly on the back as Snape stared up at McGonagall with wide eyes. His eyes darted immediately to McGonagall's right where a young woman stood. She wasn't young anymore, though.

If Snape had calculated correctly she should be about twenty four or twenty five now. Her hair was no longer uncontrollable but it looked shiny and pretty as it framed her face in waves. Her face was unblemished and she was smiling brightly, revealing that she had also grown into her teeth.

Severus tore his gaze away from her as he glared at Lupin, "She's not serious is she?"

"Of course she is, Severus!" Lupin chuckled.

Severus scowled and disengaged himself from the rest of the meeting. He came out of his thought process when a semi-familiar voice intruded his mind.

"Professor Snape?" Snape's eyes flashed up towards the voice. It was Granger.

"Miss Granger," He nodded briskly, and, realizing the meeting had concluded, he began to stand up.

"How have you been, Professor?"

"I am well," He said curtly.

"That's wonderful to hear. I am glad to see you, sir," She smiled warmly at him.

Snape locked eyes with her, "It is nice to see you, too, Miss Granger. You have been doing well since your graduation?" He inquired, watching her eyes light up as she realized he was continuing a conversation with her.

"Yes, sir, I have been. Well, for a year or so after, I was a bit lost and down, I suppose. But, I think I am doing alright, now," She smiled.

"I am glad," He nodded, "But, if you don't mind, I must be going. I still have some preparing to do."

She nodded and smiled at him, "Goodbye, Professor."

He started to walk away but stopped and looked over his shoulder, "We are colleagues now. You are not required to call me 'Professor' or 'sir' anymore."

"What do you want me to call you?" She asked, turning around.

"You may call me Severus, if you so desire," He said dismissively.

"Only if you call me Hermione," She smirked at him.

"I suppose I could try to do that. Good day Miss-…Hermione," The name was quite foreign on his tongue.

She smiled at him," Severus."

Severus was greeted by Lupin at the door, "Was that you I saw having a decent conversation with Hermione?"

"You are not blind, wolf?" Snape growled.

"Apparently not!" Lupin smiled at him.


	2. Forbidden Forgiveness

"_I don't know what he's after  
but he's so beautiful,  
such a beautiful disaster."_

There was a soft knock on his door later that night.

"Enter," Came Snape's baritone voice.

"Umm, Professor, err…Severus…" Came a soft voice.

"Yes?" Severus looked up at Granger questioningly; his expression was one of slight annoyance.

"I was wondering…umm…" She bit her lip.

"I would think someone of your intelligence could form complete sentences," He glared at her.

"Umm, sorry. Well, I was wondering if you would like to accompany to the staff dinner in Hogsmeade tonight. I don't really have anyone to walk with. Most of the Professors have already left," She looked nervously at him.

"What about your dear Lupin?"

"He is with Tonks, and Teddy," She shrugged.

"I was not planning on going," He said dismissively, but immediately regretted it as he saw the disappointment in her face.

"Oh, that's alright. I am sorry to bother you,"

"Miss Gra-…Hermione, I will accompany you if you wish,"

"Thanks, sir…I mean, Severus, I really appreciate it. I wanted to go, you know, and I'm really nervous. I mean, most of these teachers were my former teachers, and it's awkward for me…" She glanced at him.

"And going with me is any less awkward? I assume that I was your least favorite Professor?" He questioned her.

"Well, yes, I suppose it is awkward. No offense, I mean. And no, you were not my least favorite Professor," She gave him a small smile, "Although you were a right prick sometimes in class, you educated students well. You taught me a lot. I enjoyed your classes, needless to say,"

"I was a 'right prick'? I would not say that, Miss. Granger," Snape coughed slightly, noticing he called her Granger, "I would say that something more like 'bastard' or 'git' is most appropriate."

"I wouldn't go that far," She laughed slightly.

"I would probably go farther," He said, as he followed her out of his office.

They walked in silence for a few minutes and then he broke the silence, "There…is something that I have been meaning to ask you."

"Yes?" She looked up at him.

"Why did you testify?" He avoided her eyes.

She stopped and looked up at him, "Because you are a hero."

"I am many things, Hermione, but I am no hero. A coward, a bastard, a traitor, a liar, heartless, a murderer; these are all things that I am," He still would not look at her.

"You are not a coward. You are not a traitor nor are you a liar. Once you were on the side of the Light, you remained loyal. A murderer, I suppose I cannot defend that one, but you are not one by choice. You were a bastard then so you didn't blow your cover. You haven't been a bastard since the War, well, at least as far as I know. You are not heartless either. You are truly one of the War's greatest heroes. I don't know how you don't see that," She shook her head slowly.

"Heroes are filled with compassion, with love, with glory. I am not a compassionate man, nor am I a loving man. I have killed more than Albus Dumbledore. I was loyal to the side of the Light? You believe that? My decision to leave the Dark side was not a noble reason at all," He glared off into the distance.

"I think that love is a very noble reason, Severus," She said softly.

He swallowed hard, "I think it is a very selfish reason."

"I don't. The wizarding world doesn't seem to think so either. Cleared of all charges, remember?"

"I deserve to rot in Azkaban for what I have done, do not doubt that," He said coldly.

"If I thought that would I have testified? Would Ron, Harry, Remus, Tonks…would they all have testified if they thought you deserved to go to prison?" She tried to meet his gaze, but he was staring over her head.

He didn't answer her question, "I have something to ask you," She said.

"I suppose you get a question for a question," He said in a low voice.

"Are you happy now?" She looked at him carefully; his face and eyes were still as void of emotion as she had remembered them to be.

"I have not been happy for quite some time, Hermione. I … I am comfortable now though," He said, his voice extremely low.

"You seem…better. You aren't as angry as you used to be when I was in school. You don't have to look over your shoulder all the time. You seem more relaxed. You even cut your hair," She smiled, noting his shaggy hair. It was not as black as it had once been and it no longer looked greasy.

He shifted uncomfortably, "Make no mistake, I am not a good person," He seemed intent on ending the conversation now.

She sighed and shook her head and turned back away from him and they continued to walk in silence for a couple more minutes.

"One more question," She said, stopping once more.

"Do not test me—"

"Have you forgiven yourself?" She cut him off.

This question seemed to catch him off guard completely. There was no way he was going to talk to her about anything like this. She could never understand any of it. Nobody ever would. He brushed past her in silence.

"I mean, I forgave you. Dumbledore forgave you. Harry forgave you. Ron forgave you. Lupin forgave you. McGonagall forgave you. I'm sure that Lily forgave you long ago," She watched Snape as he stopped in his tracks and twisted his neck in a jerking motion at the mention of Lily.

"And you think that all of this forgiveness matters to me?" He said dangerously.

"I know that it does," She said, unafraid of him.

"You know nothing," He hissed angrily.

"I know a lot more than you think or are willing to admit," She said evenly.

At this, he turned to her, "It is only a minute more to Hogsmeade, Miss Granger, and I think you can manage on your own. I have changed my mind. Good evening."

"Severus," She called after him but he would hear no more from her.


	3. Emotional Whiplash

"_If I could hold on  
through the tears and laughter  
Lord, would it be beautiful  
or just a beautiful disaster?"_

She sighed angrily and stalked off to Hogsmeade. She threw the door open rather angrily at The Three Broomsticks. Remus looked up at her, rather taken aback by her entrance. She sat down and ate in silence as her fellow Professors laughed merrily. Remus rarely took his gaze from her, concerned for his friend.

Dinner was over and Hermione left in silence, leaving Remus to chase after her after his wife and son had apparated.

"Hey, 'Mione? Why the long face?" He questioned her, tugging at her shoulder to slow her strides.

"Snape," She spat.

"Snape?" He looked at her and raised his brow.

"Yeah, I just, I don't understand. We were coming to Hogsmeade and he asked me why I testified in his defense, and then I asked him if he was happy. Then, I asked him if he had forgiven himself… I don't understand him. I thought the conversation was going well. He hadn't completely shut me down. I mean he wasn't bearing his heart and soul to me. I just, I'm trying to be civil with him and he just doesn't seem to want anyone to be nice to him!" She threw her hands up.

"You…You mean you got Severus to come to Hogsmeade with you?" He questioned, his mouth hanging open slightly.

"Yes?"

"Wow! Wow! He's never come to this staff dinner as long as I've known him!" Remus seemed to be in shock.

Hermione just stared at him.

"No, Hermione, I really can't believe that. But, just…Severus hates himself, Hermione. He truly and completely hates himself. I don't think he'll ever forgive himself," He said sadly.

"I don't understand how he can hate himself! How can he?"

"I…I don't really know. I kind of take what I can get with Severus, and it's generally not a heart-to-heart talk," He half smiled.

"I just, I thought maybe we could be friends or something, I'm not sure what I thought. Clearly it was not what he was thinking," She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Just…give him some time. That's about the only advice I can give you in regards to Snape. I'm sorry, dear; I wish I could help more…" He said and gave Hermione a brief hug.

"It's fine, I guess," She sighed.


	4. Softening Severus Snape

"_He's magic and myth  
as strong as what I believe.  
A tragedy with  
more damage than a soul should see."_

A month of conversation between Snape and Hermione had passed. He had opened up to her slightly, but not much. He didn't talk about Lily. He talked mostly of his life after the war. She had done most of the talking. He listened. He listened to every single word she said.

Snape jumped when his office door burst open.

"Snape!" Lupin practically growled at him.

"What?" Snape questioned, confused.

"What the hell are you doing in here?"

"Um, well, this…is my office?" Snape was clearly unaware.

"Will you get off your sodding ass and go to Hermione?"

"And why would I need to do that? What are you on about, Lupin?" Snape sneered.

"Her mother passed away this morning. Are you completely oblivious? She was practically sobbing at breakfast!" Lupin was infuriated and Snape still didn't understand.

"I don't know what you expect me to do, Remus. I honestly don't. I am sorry for her loss, but I don't understand what exactly this has to do with me," Snape contracted his brow.

"What has this got to do with you? Maybe because you're in love with her and you're too much of a coward to admit it? Maybe you should go talk to her, go comfort her. She won't see me and I sure as hell know she will see you, no matter what!" Lupin was growling now.

"Lupin, I don't know why you assume such things. First of all, I am not…in love…with her," He stumbled over the phrase, his heart beating rapidly, "Secondly, I am not a 'comforting' man, nor am I any good at conversation. If she won't talk with you, surely she will not talk with me."

"Please…just go," Lupin was obviously very upset and worried.

"Fine," Snape said and got off of his couch, "What do you want me to say?"

"Tell her you're sorry for her loss. Ask her if she wants to talk. If she cries, hug her, hold her, do something. Ask her if she wants you to accompany her to the funeral. And damn it, Snape, will you ask her to the Yule Ball already?"

"Slow down, Lupin," Snape threatened, "You are assuming that I have romantic feelings for Granger. You are mistaken. I don't remember the last hug I gave, or if I have ever given one. And how awkward would it be for her and I to go to her mother's funeral together? And the Yule Ball? Honestly, Lupin? I assume she can do better?" He was glaring at Lupin.

"One; you love her and she loves you and that's more obvious than anything I've ever seen in my life. Two; she needs you. Three; she wants you to ask her to the Ball," Lupin sighed, "Please, just go, we can discuss the Ball later."

Snape gave Lupin an intense glare and brushed past him roughly.

Snape stopped outside of Hermione's classroom. His heart was beating wildly and he wasn't sure why. He didn't know how to comfort a grieving woman and if he were Hermione, he certainly wouldn't someone like him to come to his rescue.

He knocked softly; once, twice, and three times before he opened the door. He closed the door quietly behind him and saw Hermione staring out the window in her classroom.

"Hermione?" He said quietly as he approached her.

When he received no response he took a deep breath and said, "You have my sympathies."

With that statement, Hermione whimpered and collapsed her face into her hands. She was sobbing now and Severus looked around frantically. She was still facing away from him. He stepped towards her cautiously. He held out his right hand and held it just above her right shoulder. He closed his eyes tight and laid his hand on her shoulder. She spun into his chest, sobbing into his robes.

Severus was at a loss. His heart was beating nearly out of his chest and his breathing was uneven. He had no idea how to hug a woman regularly, let alone when she was crying. Her hands were still covering her face, pressed tightly into his chest. He slowly and timidly wrapped his arms around her. She was whimpering into his chest, still crying heavily. His left arm was wrapped around her shoulder blades and his right was around her back. She started crying harder and his reflexes pulled her tighter to him. His heart was now running his body.

He lowered his head so that his left cheek was close to her right cheek, brushing her hair. He slowly extended and retracted his fingers on his right hand so that he was lightly scratching her back.

Suddenly his voice whispered into her ear, "Shhh, shhh, it's alright. I've got you," He immediately regretted saying it.

Her sobs had slowed, but the tears were still flowing freely down her cheeks. She moved her arms around his back and held him tightly, as if he was the only thing tying her to sanity.

Her tears seemed to have come to a halt and she mumbled into Severus' chest, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," He said in a low, soft voice, "Would you…umm," Severus reflected on Lupin's words, "Would you like for me to accompany you to the funeral?"

"You would do that?" She said looking up at him with red, swollen eyes.

Looking at her so upset made his heart lurch, "Yes."

Her eyes filled with tears again and she pressed her forehead into his chest, "Thank you."

"You do not need to thank me, Hermione," He whispered.

"Will you stay?"

He looked down at her questioningly.

"Will you stay, until I fall asleep?" She looked up at him with pleading, bloodshot eyes.

Severus felt a knot in his throat, his mind was screaming at him to say no but his heart won out, "Yes."

Hermione stretched out on the couch and Severus reclined in her reclining chair. His eyes were heavy with sleep and he was soon passed out.

"Severus…" A whine that made Severus' eyes snap open.

"'Mione?" He mumbled.

She crawled onto his lap and curled into his chest. She was sweating and breathing rapidly. A nightmare.

His drowsiness compelled him to wrap his arms around her and put his chin on top of her head. He drifted back to sleep.

The shone into Hermione's quarters, waking Snape. He blinked several times. He squeezed Hermione subconsciously closer to him. He realized what he was doing and pulled himself away from her, untangling his arms from around her and removing his chin from the top of her head.

"Hermione…" He said softly, he shook his shoulders so that he woke her.

She looked up at him, "Please, you should get off of me," He said softly, his eyes not meeting hers.

"Severus?" She asked as she pulled herself off of him.

"I shouldn't have done that," He said getting up from the chair.

"Are you mad at me?" She said, looking rejected.

"No, I'm not mad at you. I lost control. I'm not a very… Well, let's just say I'm not good with giving comfort or affection. I am sorry for the way I acted last night," He looked away from her still.

"Severus, I thought…I thought that was you telling me that you were going to let me in… Don't do this now. Don't push me away again…" She sighed.

"Hermione, you're upset. You're confused. I apologize that I lost control last night. It was not my intention to take advantage of you in anyway," His voice was still gruff from his sleep.

She looked at him carefully. Lupin was right; this man truly hated himself, "You did not take advantage of me."

"What day is the funeral?" He changed the subject.

She sighed, "Tomorrow…"

"What time would you like me to arrive at your office?" He hardly met her gaze.

"Is 8am alright?"

"That is fine," He looked at her, there was deep emotion in his eyes, but his face gave nothing away.

She approached him slowly. He was watching her intently now, "It is a muggle funeral I am presuming?"

"Yes," She whispered as she stared up into his face.

"What are you doing?" He took a step away from her.

"I'm looking at you," She said, retaking the step towards him.

"May I inquire as to why?" He raised an eyebrow, concern in his eyes. He was obviously uncomfortable, shifting his shoulders uneasily.

"I like looking at you, Severus," She gave a sad smile and continued to examine his face.

"I can't possibly imagine why," He was very uncomfortable.

"Why not?"

"Are you blind or are you just crazy, Hermione?" Severus said.

"I am neither of those," Hermione said, slightly offended.

"I cannot think that you truly enjoy looking at me," Severus said, backing away again.

"I see so much when I look at you," She whispered.

"Hermione…" He started but she held up her hand to stop him.

"I know that you probably don't care about me but I care about you. You're one of my dearest friends, Severus. I am attached to you. I like you. I like you a lot. When I look at you I see…so much. I see pain, tragedy, guilt, and regret. I see strength and poise. I see respect and honesty. I see protection, trust, and honor. I see pride and courage and cunning. I see an intelligence that baffles me. I see sadness so deep that it hurts my heart. I see horrors so terrifying and neglect. I see abuse and torment. I see a longing too, Severus," She studied his face hard.

His mask had dropped and he stared at her. The true Severus stared back at Hermione. His face had softened and his mouth was open slightly. A pained expression was seeping out of his dark eyes.

"I see a longing for forgiveness, for a second chance. I see a longing to love and be loved…" She said so softly he had to strain to hear them.

She brought her hand up to his face and traced it. She moved her fingers carefully and slowly over his face, as if she was memorizing every detail. She slid her fingers down to his neck, brushing them over the white scars on his neck left by Nagini.

"I see a hero," She said confidently.

"Enough," His voice was gruff; "I will be here tomorrow at eight."

"Severus," She said as he turned away, "Wait."

He turned back to her slowly, his eyes closed.

She stood up on her toes and kissed his cheek, "You are my hero. Thank you for everything your doing and for tomorrow. Thank you."

He nodded quickly and turned on his heel and strode out of her room.


	5. Hard to Teach an Old Dog New Tricks

"_Do I try to change him?  
So hard not to blame him,  
hold me tight,  
baby, hold me tight."_

He sat on the edge of his bed. Her words echoed in his mind. His heart was racing.

"I do want a second chance," He breathed.

He walked briskly out of his quarters and headed towards Lupin's. He pounded loudly on the door.

"Severus, what the bloody hell are you doing? It's the crack of dawn, you prick!" Lupin said, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"I…I need someone to talk too," He looked at Lupin sheepishly.

"What? Umm…Come in," Lupin opened the door for Snape.

Lupin sat down on his couch and watched Severus pace back and forth in front of him.

"Severus? Are you alright?"

"I'm trying to collect my thoughts, Remus," Severus was obviously very troubled.

"Don't."

"What?" Snape stopped pacing and looked at him curiously.

"Don't collect your thoughts, just talk," Lupin shrugged.

"Hmmm. Well, I went to Hermione last night, as you said I should. She cried, she sobbed, Remus. It was horrible. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I hugged her. I really hugged her. She asked me to stay until she fell asleep. I shouldn't have, I know how wrong it was of me, but I couldn't leave her. I just couldn't. I sat in her reclining chair and waited for her to fall asleep, but I must have fallen asleep first," Snape seemed caught up in his thoughts again as he fell silent.

Remus studied him, "Keep talking, Severus."

"She had a nightmare, I think. She came up to the chair. She was breathing weird and she was sweating. She crawled into the chair with me. I wrapped my arms around her. I did not know what I was doing. I was still half asleep. She slept like that for the rest of the night. I know how wrong this is, Lupin, please do not think that I don't…" He looked at Remus with despair.

"When I woke up, I realized what I had done and I woke her too. I asked her to remove herself from my lap. She thought I was mad at her. _She_ thought _I_ was mad! I expected her to hit me in the groin, Remus, truly I did. I'm old enough to be her father. I apologized for my inappropriate behavior. She just kept looking at me. I was so afraid, Lupin. Me! I was afraid. I was so afraid. I have lied to the Dark Lord's face and I was afraid of the Gryffindor Know-It-All!" Snape was very distraught, "She said things to me, Remus. She was so sincere. She said she sees a _hero_ when she looks at me. She said she sees so much pain that it hurts her. She said…She said that _I_ am her hero," His voice trailed off.

"What did you do?" Remus said, standing up and placing his right hand on Snape's left shoulder, holding him still.

"I…I asked her when I should pick her up for her mother's funeral," Snape's eyes were darting around quickly.

"Do you love her?"

"It's not that simple," Severus choked.

"No. Love is simple. You love her or you don't. There are no 'maybes' or shades of grey. Love is black and white," Remus shook his head slowly.

"It's not that simple for me," Severus was obviously struggling with his emotions.

"I know it's not, Severus, I know. You shut your heart down ages ago. I know that this is hard for you. But it's hard for her, as well. She knows that this isn't what you had planned and she can see the internal conflict it is causing you. She's very smart, after all…"

"I … I can't," His mask was back now, Lupin had lost him.

"Okay, Severus, when you stop lying to yourself, we'll finish this conversation, alright, old boy?" Remus patted him on the shoulder.

Severus looked at him strangely but said nothing. He turned and walked out. He sat in his quarters all day, only exiting for dinner in the Great Hall. He returned quickly to his quarters.

Severus was up nearly all night. His mind was restless. Remus questioning his feelings for Hermione replayed over and over in his head. He could still feel Hermione curled against his chest, her fingers on his face.

"Stop it," He hissed to himself.

He glanced outside, it was light out. He glanced then at the clock on his nightstand and saw that it was almost seven. His racing thoughts had passed the time quickly. He got out of bed and headed to his closet. He sighed upon opening it. The black in it was overwhelming.

"It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks…" Severus mumbled to himself.

He shook his head and looked at himself in the mirror. He needed to shower, he looked like hell. His shower lasted about ten minutes at the most. He grabbed a white t-shirt and pulled it on. He put on his deodorant and grabbed his light grey long sleeved dress shirt and buttoned it up over top of the t-shirt. He pulled on his dress pants after putting on his black dress socks. Snape tucked the shirt into the pants neatly. He grabbed a black tie and tied it around his collar. Severus put on his shiny, black wing-tipped shoes and finally slipped on his black coat that matched the suit.

Severus stared at himself in the mirror, playing with his hair so that it lay calmly. He sighed and checked the time. It was close to eight. He left his quarters briskly.


	6. I'm Not Giving Up

"_Would it be beautiful or just a beautiful disaster?  
I'm longing for love and the logical but he's only happy hysterical."_

He knocked softly on Hermione's door.

"Come in," Came the soft reply and Severus obeyed.

"Morning, Severus," She said quietly.

He looked to his right and found her gazing out the window again. She turned to face him. She was wearing a black dress. It was elegant and appropriate. She wore black heels as well.

"You look nice," She whispered.

He nodded, almost more bowed, "As do you, Hermione," He couldn't say what he truly thought about the way she looked. She was beautiful. All the time she was beautiful.

Her hair was down with only a section of it pulled back by a pin. The curls fell loosely on her shoulders. Her complexion was clear and didn't seem to have much make-up on at all. Her eyes were puffy. She looked so sad.

He approached her slowly and brushed a curl out of her face. She looked up at him.

"I'm not going to push you away today. You need me today. It's hard for me to let go of myself but I know that I need to for you now, and so I will," He whispered.

She wrapped her arms around him and he wrapped his arms around her, "Thank you, Severus."

"Should we get going then?" He said and she nodded.

"We'll apparate to my house and then my Dad will drive us to the funeral home, is that alright?"

Severus shifted nervously, "What if your father isn't a fan of me?"

"He has been asking to meet you, although I'm sure he would have preferred different circumstances…" Her eyes drifted to the floor.

He tilted her chin up with his thumb, "I'm going to be right by your side, Hermione. I know that you may not have faith in me and I don't exactly have faith in myself... But, I won't mess this up. I'll be there for you…"

"I know…" She hugged him again and she apparated them both.

She didn't let go of him when they arrived at her house. She squeezed him tighter. Severus breathed in deeply.

"What are you doing to me?" He said in a low, silky voice.

She let go of him and blushed. She gave him a small smile and he gently touched her jaw line with his thumb. A man appeared by behind them

He was a little shorter than Snape. He was skinnier. He had brown cropped hair that was graying; the brown color was the same as Hermione's but his eyes were a bright blue. They were blood shot and filled with sadness.

"Daddy," Hermione whispered and collapsed against her father's chest. He held her close and stroked her hair, occasionally kissing the curls.

"Daddy, this is Severus Snape," She said pulling away from her father's embrace, gesturing towards Snape, "Severus, this is my father, Robert," She patted her Father's chest affectionately as he outstretched his hand to Severus.

"I've heard a lot about you, sir," Robert looked at him carefully, with a small smile.

"Not all bad, I hope?" Snape said quietly, shifting his gaze away from the two people in front of him.

"No, not at all," Mr. Granger gave Snape's hand one last firm squeeze before letting it go.

Robert Granger appeared to be about five to ten years older than Snape.

"We should get going then," Robert said softly.

"I'll be right out, Dad, I just need to use that washroom quickly," Hermione said and walked off quickly, leaving Severus in a very awkward silence with her father.

"Severus Snape," Robert said firmly.

Snape looked him in the eyes, "Thank you for coming, Severus. Thank you for doing this for Hermione. Please, take care of my darling girl; she's all I've got left…" His voice caught in his throat as his eyes filled with tears.

"I will, sir," Snape said, putting his hand on Robert's shoulder and squeezing it. Robert nodded and walked outside.

"I've never heard you call anyone 'sir' before, Severus," Hermione said softly as she walked out from around the corner.

"Shall we go then?" Severus said, holding open the kitchen door for her.

She walked out and Severus and Hermione sat in the backseat of the Granger's automobile. The funeral home was only a ten minute car ride. They arrived at the giant stone building.

Robert opened Hermione's door, as she was seated behind him and Hermione stepped out graciously. Her face paled upon looking at the building. Her father hung his head and grabbed Hermione's hand.

"Are you alright?" Severus asked in such a low voice that Hermione was sure her father didn't hear him.

She bit her lip and looked away from him. She reached back at him, holding out her hand.

He swallowed hard; his mouth was suddenly completely dry. He looked at her small hand and reached out and placed his slender fingered hand into hers. She intertwined her fingers into his. His hand was exceptionally cold and, combined with the warmth of her hand; it caused both of them to shiver. They walked into the building.

The last female Snape had held hands with, like this at least, had been Lily back when they were in school. _Lily_. The name still caused a burning sensation in his heart. He still loved her, yes, but it wasn't like it used to be. She had set him free the night Nagini attacked him. The fact that Hermione's hand fit perfectly into his, in a way Lily's never did, scared him.

Hermione held onto his hand tightly. The calling hours passed slowly. Hermione's father suggested she go outside to get some fresh air so she did, leaving Severus behind talking to Remus.

"How is she doing?" Remus asked.

"She's very upset. I think she is doing alright, though," Severus said, taking a sip of his water.

"Are you going to admit it yet, Severus?" Remus eyed him.

"Now is neither the time nor the place, Remus," Severus chastised him.

"So, you do?" Remus said, a small smile flashing behind his eyes.

Severus sighed, "Drop it, Lupin."

"Go outside with her, I'm sure she would like you to be there with her…" Remus said, walking away from Snape.

Snape grabbed his coat and walked out back and found Hermione sitting on a bench. He came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders gently. She was freezing.

"Merlin, Hermione, you're catch your death out here!" Severus said, shaking off his coat and laying over her shoulders.

He walked around the bench and sat down beside her, "How are you doing?"

"It's been a long day, Severus," She breathed.

"I know, darling," He put his arm around her and pulled her tighter into him.

"Do you love me, Severus?" She asked softly.

His breath hitched, and he felt like there was no air inside of him. He pulled away from her slightly and looked down at her. Her amber eyes met his, "If I didn't, do you think that I would be here?"

She looked at him with watery eyes, "So, you do? Remus was right?"

"Hermione, I…I don't think this is an appropriate time to talk about this. Today and tomorrow I am to be the one who is supporting you. I'm here for you. Let's not bite off more than we can chew," He said quietly, pulling her back into him.

She nodded into his shoulder and put her hand on his chest, "I know it hurts you."

"Hmm?" His voice vibrated her ear.

"I know that it hurts you to think about this, about me…"

"Hermione…"

"No, please, just let me talk. I know that there is still so much that I don't know about you. I know that there is so much hurt inside of you. I know that you've got these walls built up around you for good reason. I just need you to know that I am here for you, just like you're here for me now. I'm here as a crying shoulder, a kind ear and I'm here as gentle and comforting words. Severus, I am here for you," She said, grabbing onto his shirt.

He cleared his throat as if he was going to speak. He didn't speak though, but instead he pulled her impossibly closer to him and rubbed his hand up and down her arm quickly. He kissed the top of her head quickly and then coughed again.

"Stop," She said.

He looked at her questioningly.

"I don't want you to say anything, Severus. I don't need you to say anything. Stop struggling with yourself. When you're ready, the words will come, okay? Quit beating the hell out of yourself," She scolded him.

Severus sniffed and stood up and rubbed the insides of the bridge of his nose.

"Are you crying?" She asked him, standing up in front of him.

"No," His voice was far from the usual Snape voice.

She looked at him and he met her gaze. He wasn't crying, but his eyes were shining, with a thin layer of tears behind them. He pulled her into him and hugged her close, "We should get back inside."

She nodded and pulled away from him. She grabbed his hand but he squeezed hers, not moving.

"Severus?"

"I…I need…a couple minutes," He said avoiding her gaze, "To, uh, collect myself."

"Ah, I see, you're vulnerable now. The emotions are sitting just under the surface," She smiled at him playfully, but there was still sadness in her eyes.

She pulled his hand up to hers and kissed it and then she left him to his thoughts.

Severus sat back down on the bench and ran his fingers through his hair, _"What am I doing? I cannot possibly let her in. Not the Know-It-All. There is no bloody way. She's dangerous to you, Severus, what the hell are you thinking?"_

He bit the inside of his cheek and jumped when he felt a hand touch his shoulder.

"Hermione, I said I needed a minute," He swallowed hard.

"I know, I just…I don't want to go in there without you. I need to get something off my chest, too," She lowered her voice and sat next to him, grabbing his hand.

"It appears, _Miss Granger_, that you have quite a lot to say to me," His hand was loose in hers, he wasn't responding.

"How very astute of you, _Professor_," She mocked him and took in a deep breath, "Look at me," His eyes rose to meet hers.

"I'm not going to give up on you. I love you. I don't care if you never return those feelings for me. I don't care! I can't give up on you. You deserve that. You deserve help so that you can heal. You defied everything. You risked everything. You very nearly gave your own life for love. You did all of that for a woman you loved and a woman that never returned your affections. Maybe I'm being naïve, or just plain stupid…I'm not sure which one. But if you were capable of a love as deep as that then you are more than deserving of a second chance at a new love. You suffered so much. You suffered endless tortures and beatings for years. You deserve to be happy for once. Maybe it's not in loving me, maybe it's someone else. Maybe you don't need to love anyone else to be happy. I'm going to help you. I am going to try to help you at least," She studied his face carefully.

His jaw muscle was flexing. It was a gesture she had quickly learned to associate with Snape being at a loss for words, so she continued, "I know that you feel like you can't let go with me, at least not past today. I don't expect for you to stand closer to me than arm's length after all of this is over. I know you think that _you_ should be having this conversation with _me_ today. I know that you think you can't cry," She said noticing the water in his eyes again.

"I do not cry," His voice was so low that his lips didn't even seem to part.

"It's okay, Severus," Hermione whispered.

"No," He said firmly, pulling his hand out from underneath hers.

"When is the last time you cried? The last time you really and truly cried?" She stared at the profile of his face.

She didn't expect him to answer but he sighed heavily and as he exhaled he said, "The night she died."

She looked at him, paralyzed with shock, and said nothing because he looked like he still had something to say.

After a moment of silence she encouraged him to go on.

"It's…nothing. I just, when I 'died'…I cried. I cried a lot,"

"Why?"

"I don't know. I saw her again. I couldn't contain it anymore; it was like she was forcing me to succumb to the emotion. I hated it. It didn't feel good because I didn't want it but I couldn't stop. The only thing I wanted was for her to forgiv-" He cut himself off and swallowed slowly, realizing he had said too much.

"Did she say anything to you?"

"She forgave me and told me she was sending me back," He gritted his teeth.

"I love you," Hermione whispered.

Severus looked at her briefly and then put his elbows on his knees and the palms of his hands on his forehead with his fingers tangled in his hair.

Hermione watched him. His breathing was calculated; slow and steady. It was almost as if he wasn't even moving. Then she saw something fall from his cheek. It was small and clear; a tear. She was sure she was mistaken until another tear fell.

"Mione…" He whispered but his voice was barely audible.

"Severus…" She scooted next to him and stroked his back very softly, shrugging back the long cuffs of his jacket.

She moved her hand up and stroked the back of his neck. He leaned into her touch just barely. He wouldn't allow himself to let go completely. He was regaining control again and quickly. He wiped his face.

She looked at him, "Do you want to leave?"

"What?" He looked at her confused.

"You don't have to stay, Severus," She looked deeply into his eyes.

"I am not leaving," His voice was determined and she wouldn't change his mind.

"Okay…" She didn't really want him to leave, but she would have understood if he chose too.

He stood up and pulled her up with him, "Let's go back inside," He said.


	7. Obviously, It Wasn't Nothing

"_I'm searching for some kind of miracle, waiting so long, __I've waited so long."_

The burial was the next day and afterwards, Severus and Hermione went back to her parent's home.

"Daddy, it's getting late…" Hermione said.

"My baby girl," Robert said so sadly, stroking Hermione's cheek with his thumb.

"Daddy, I love you," She whispered and wrapped her arms around his neck. He squeezed her close to him.

Severus walked out of the living room and into the kitchen to give them a moment to themselves. He already felt as if he was intruding on something incredibly private just by being there.

"Hey," Hermione sniffed behind him, "He wants to talk to you."

Severus swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded and brushed past her.

"Sir?" Severus asked, looking at Robert carefully.

Robert walked up to Severus and stood directly in front of him, "Don't call me that. Call me Robert. I just, I want to thank you for everything you have done the past two days for my daughter. She really cares about you. I haven't seen that look in her eyes since she brought the ginger home," Robert said reflecting on Ron Weasley.

"It's no trouble at all, I wouldn't feel right if I didn't come," Severus said waving his hand nonchalantly.

"I know that you're scared. It's a paternal instinct. I can smell the fear on you. You truly care about my daughter but you're scared you'll hurt her… Now, let me tell you something, everyone is going to hurt you, every single person in your life will hurt you at one time or another…You have to decide who's worth the pain in your life and she has to decide who's worth it to her. And, in my opinion, I think she's already decided you're worth it…" He grabbed Severus' right shoulder in a tight grip, "Promise me that you will take care of her. Promise me you will look after her and keep her safe when I cannot…" His eyes spilled over with tears.

"I promise," Snape was a man of his word.

Robert nodded and then gestured for him to leave.

After they apparated back to Hogwarts grounds Hermione asked him what her father and Severus had talked about.

"It was nothing," He began to walk off to the castle quickly, braving the bone-chilling wind without his jacket because he had given it to Hermione again.

"Obviously it wasn't nothing," She said, following him.

"Alright, it was something. But it was private," He was getting angry and she didn't understand why.

"Severus, what's wrong. Did he offend you?"

"Let it be," He growled as they reached the castle.

"I don't fucking understand you," She said through her teeth.

"There's nothing to understand," He spat angrily.

She grabbed his wrist in a vice-like grip and he stopped. She hugged him tightly around the waist, "Thank you for everything you've done for me for the past couple of days."

He was stiff in her embrace but for a second she could have sworn felt him relax. He pulled away and stalked off towards his quarters.

"Dumbledore," She whispered to herself and walked quickly up to the Headmistress' office.

Hermione entered the office and began tapping on Dumbledore's portrait, "Professor, wake up, please!"

"Hermione? What time is it?" His voice grumbled.

"Sir, I need to speak with you. It's of importance," She whispered.

"I will go to the portrait in your sitting room, my dear," He nodded.

Hermione practically ran to her sitting room, "Sir, it's about Severus."

"I have heard something that you and Severus have become somewhat of a pair, my dear?" Hermione didn't know that a portrait's eyes could twinkle.

"Well, yes and no…"

"You love him, don't you Hermione?"

Hermione's eyes filled with tears, "Yes."

"What's wrong?" Dumbledore asked; the smiling fading from his face.

"I don't know if he'll ever love me back. I don't know if I'll ever be able to help him…"

"My dear," Dumbledore shushed her, "Life has taught Severus to rely on himself. He's always been in control. He hardly knows what it's like to rely on anyone else or to know what it's like to lose control. Everything he does is calculated and done with precision."

"I know, I just, and I want to help him. I want to ease the vice around his heart. He hurts so much after all of this time…" She swiped a tear away from her face.

"I know, Hermione, I know how much Severus still hurts. I know more than what I did while I was living. There is still much you need to learn about Severus,"

"What do I have to do? I'll do anything for him…I'll go anywhere…" She whispered.

"You have to let him talk. You must let him tell you as much as he is able to tell you. And then, when he shuts down, you have to break him. It will hurt you to do it. But you have to break him. But, Hermione, there is something you should know…"

"What is it?"

"If you break him…if you see him like that, if you hear the words he says, I do not think Severus will be capable of letting you go. I do not think he's strong enough anymore. You must be sure that this is what you want before you go and tear him down because if you leave after that he will self-destruct…" Dumbledore's voice trailed off as if almost for effect.

"I don't want to leave him. I love him," She nodded slowly.

"As long as you are sure, my dear, I do not think I could allow you to hurt Severus more than he has already been hurt if you were unsure…" Dumbledore cleared his throat, "When are you going to talk to him?"

"Now," Hermione glanced at the clock. It was the middle of the night. This conversation had been going on for two hours.

"Hermione…I cannot stop you from going now, but I must warn you. I said there are many things you do not yet know about Severus, many _tragic_ things, and I must tell you if you go now you will find one of them…" The twinkle was gone and it was replaced by seriousness.

"Yes, sir," Hermione nodded and braced herself and then headed down to the dungeons.


	8. Severus' Secret Terrors

"_He's soft to the touch but frayed at the ends, he breaks.  
He's never enough and still he's more than I can take."_

She felt it was best not to floo into his chambers and scare the hell out of him. She arrived in the dungeons and heard screaming. She recognized it as Severus' voice, all though she had never heard him utter such blood-curdling screams before.

She raced to his door and whispered the password he had entrusted her with. She ran to his bedroom and found him writhing as if in physical pain. His face was contorted with hurt and he was sweating. He was having a nightmare, a horrible nightmare.

"Severus," She dropped to her knees next to his bed and stroked the hair off of his sweaty face.

"No, no, no, no, no!" He screamed.

She stared at him, stroking his face slowly. A few years ago, she would have never imagined that the great and ominous Potions Master was reduced to horrific nightmares every night. She would never have imagined that he could be so scared.

"Severus, it's okay, everything is okay. You need to wake up, Severus, it's okay,"

He was mumbling and then he grasped onto her wrist in a painfully strong grip. He awoke with a jump and he was panting for breath. His wand was at her throat before she knew what was happening.

"Severus, it's me, it's Hermione!"

"Hermione…" He gasped, still strangling her wrist.

"I'm here," She nodded gently.

"I'm sorry," He choked, letting go of her wrist he scooted to the other side of the bed.

She crawled up into the bed next to him and bravely rested her head on his shoulder. His breathing was still rapid. His knees were pulled up to his chest with his arms wrapped around them.

"Did I hurt you?" He questioned with a hint of anger in his voice.

"No," She said firmly.

"Why are you here?" His voice was wrecked from screaming.

"We need to talk. Well, actually, you need to talk…" She said blatantly.

"Says the person who hasn't kept everything locked inside for over half of their life," He grumbled with irritation.

"That's why you need to start talking now, we've got twenty some odd years to get out!" She nudged him playfully with her elbow.

"Sometimes, you need to put the sadness aside and put the past behind. Sometimes, you need to forget all the feelings, thoughts, and everything that was there. You cannot get hurt if you simply don't feel, if you simply don't care," He whispered.

"But that's not the case here, Severus, you never stopped caring. You may be capable of closing your eyes to the things that you wish not to see, but you cannot close you heart to the things you do not want to feel," She looked up at him.

"What do you want?" He clenched his jaw tightly.

"What was that nightmare about?" She asked, snuggling up closer to him.

"You…" He breathed out sharply.

"What?" She asked.

"It used to be Lily. But, it's you now…" He whispered, his breath obviously catching in his throat.

"Tell me," She encouraged softly.

"It's all black, like I'm blinded. I can hear you screaming for me. I follow your voice. I'm sprinting towards you and then there is a flash of bright white light and I can see you. The Dark…Voldemort…he has you. Your face is so bruised and you're crying. He smiles. He tells me he knows all of my secrets and he knows I'm a traitor. I run towards you and he kills you. He kills you just like that. I scream and fall to my knees and beg him to kill me. He says he won't kill me because I deserve worse than death. He starts…bringing in everyone that I care about. Remus, Minerva, Harry, the Weasley's… He kills them all in front of me. It's like I'm paralyzed. I can't move. All I can do is scream…It's the same nightmare every goddamn time," His voice broke and he covered his face with his right hand.

Hermione brought her left hand around his stomach and put her right hand around his back and held him close to her, "I'm right here, Severus, I'm okay…"

"No! You don't know what it's like…seeing the person that you care most about…" He cut himself off and put his hand over his face again.

"_Seeing the person you care most about…_" His voice rang in her head, causing a smile to play on her lips.

"I tried so hard to forget everything…" He was near crying.

"Forgetting isn't good enough, Severus. You can paddle away from the memories but you will eventually float back to them and they will circle you like sharks and you're bleeding your fear into the sea. They can smell it. It will never stop until you find someone who can do more than just cover the wounds…" She looked up at him, a promise in her eyes.

He wanted to kiss her and she knew he did, "Hermione… You have no idea what you're getting yourself into. You can leave right now and I wouldn't think less of you. I would not judge you for it. I'm old enough to be your father. You can find someone better for you, someone more whole…"

"You sound like Remus when he was trying to deny Tonks," She snorted.

Severus shook his head, "Hermione, I'm broken. You don't deserve that. I would never condemn you to love me."

"Condemn me? This is not my damnation, Severus! This is my salvation!" She laughed at him.

"No!" He growled and yanked himself away from her.

Severus pulled his white t-shirt over his head angrily, "Is this what you want? Look at this!"

Hermione examined his body. It was lined with thin, white scars. Some of them were worse than others. There was a particularly nasty one that stretched from his right collarbone to his left hipbone. This was something Hermione doubted that anyone but Severus had seen, maybe Poppy. This was where his suffering became physical. She slid off the bed and approached him.

His breathing was ragged as he stared down at her, flames behind his eyes. She put her finger on the scar on his collarbone. She traced it gently down to his hipbone. She traced a few others of his scars on his arms and his ribs. She had never noticed the scars down his forearms and on his biceps before, but they were there.

"You're beautiful," She whispered to him.

He whimpered, "No, I'm not."

"I think you are. Look at how strong you are," She ran her fingers along his chest and abdomen. His muscles were not defined completely, but they were there. She assumed they had lost their definition after the war, when he wasn't constantly defending himself.

"I'm weak," He whispered to her, removing her soft hand from his body.

He turned away from her and looked in his mirror next to his bathroom door. He was standing in green flannel pajama pants and in bare feet. He clutched the white t-shirt in his fist. He stared at his body. He was pale and skinny. He shuddered upon looking at himself.

When he turned away from her, Hermione saw his naked back for the first time. The scars on his back were worse than on his chest. They were thicker and looked as though the wounds had been deeper. How many times had she seen Severus when he was in unimaginable physical pain and she didn't notice? She felt a knot in her stomach and approached him carefully.

"I won't condemn you to this, Hermione. This is not salvation. I cannot save you from anything," He was breathing deeply, trying to remain in control of his emotions.

"Look at how many times you have already saved me!" She traced her fingers over several of his scars at once.

"How many of these are from protecting Harry? By protecting Harry you were undoubtedly protecting Ron and I as well, as we were always right behind him! How many of these protected me!?" She pulled her hands away from him, disgusted with the realization.

"Tell me! How many!?" She spat at him.

"Most of them," He glanced at her over his shoulder.

"And you can't protect me? Who says I even need protecting now? I'm an adult, Severus! I'm not a child anymore!" She was frustrated with him.

"Do not yell at me!" He spun around to face her.

She grabbed the shirt from his hand and threw it behind her, "You don't need to hide from me."

"I won't let you love me!" He bellowed at her.

"Why not!? If I'm the person you care most about, if you have protected me so many times, if you love me, why not!?" She screamed back at him.

"I don't want you!" He yelled, hoping his words would sting.

"You're lying," She hissed at him, "I don't care. Maybe I don't want you after all. Maybe you're really not worth it. Maybe you are the scum of the Earth! Maybe you should have gone to prison!" She yelled so loudly her voice cracked.

Severus was physically taken aback, falling away from her a step. He looked at her and cocked his head, his mouth hanging open. There was hurt written on his face and pouring out if his eyes.

"Maybe you're right, Severus! Maybe I'm wasting my time. Maybe you are a lost cause. Maybe you do deserve to wallow in your misery. But, you know what?" Severus turned his eyes back towards her face, "I don't think that. I don't think any of that. That's why I am here. That's why I'm here at this ungodly hour!" She shook her head furiously.

"You do not know me, Hermione. If you did, you would think differently" His voice was even, controlled.

"I don't know you only because you won't let me, not because I don't want to know you. And I highly doubt that anything you tell me could change how I feel about you," She pointed out.

"I don't want you to know me," Severus scoffed.

"Right, I'll just go then, _Professor_," Her voiced was deadly.

"Hermione…" His voice made her heart ache, but she kept her face stone cold.

"What?" She spat at him.

"Hermione…" He said again, his whole being seemed to be hurting.

"I'm leaving now," She growled at him.

"Don't leave me," He whispered, his voice broken.

"Give me one reason to stay," She said back to him sharply.

He walked towards her, still without a shirt, and cupped her face with his cold hands. She thought he was going to kiss her but he didn't. He was far too scared to do that.

"Because…because I don't want you to go. I don't ever want you to go. I want you to stay right here with me, forever," He said softly, his eyes seeped fear.

"Severus…Talk to me, please," Her eyes begged him and it was undoing him.

"I'm scared…"

"Don't be scared, please, don't be scared. There is nothing to be afraid of, Severus," She whispered, bringing her hands up so that she was cupping his neck.

"Nothing to be afraid of, right?" His eyes traveled towards the ceiling as they filled with tears, "You…You mean more to me than any other person ever has. You think I shouldn't be afraid of that?"

"Don't be afraid of me. I'm not going to hurt you," She whispered and rubbed her fingers on the back of his neck.

"I'm afraid to tell you everything I have done, everything I have been through. I'm afraid that once you know me, you will no longer think I am so 'beautiful'," He whispered, still looking up at the ceiling.

"Nothing can change that," She said.

"I beg to differ. I also think that once your friends find out all about me, they will convince you to leave," His voice was confident, but hurt.

"No matter what you say, no matter what anyone says, I will never, ever give up on you. I love you, Severus Snape, I love you. I doubt if anything you say to me in private will ever be anything but just between us. I will not betray you like that, ever, alright?" She was pulling at his neck for him to look at her but he didn't.

"What do you want me to tell you?" He choked.

"Anything, everything," She squeezed his neck tighter and he finally looked down at her. He was much taller than her.

"Can I show you instead? It will be much easier on me, I will go into the pensive with you and you can ask me questions throughout the memories, but Hermione, please, just let it be this way," He pleaded.

She nodded and he moved away from her. She stared at his scarred back as he bent over and picked up his t-shirt. He slipped it on back over his head. He opened a drawer in his dresser and pulled out an old pensive. Hermione got the impression that he had not looked at the memories within the bowl in years. He stared at the bowl helplessly. He picked it up and placed it on the stand that was in his closet. The stand was dusty and old. He stood over the bowl, staring down into its whirling memories. His hands were stiff at his sides.

Hermione walked over to him quickly. She looked down at herself and realized she was still wearing what she had worn to the burial. She flicked her wrist and she was in a maroon t-shirt and grey pajama pants with white socks.

She slipped her tiny hand into his and he looked at her, "You won't want to do that after this…" He whispered and leaned forward into the basin.

She followed his actions and slipped into his memories. She looked around, taking in their surroundings, still gripping Snape's hand. They were in a small, dingy, bedroom. A little boy with short black hair was sitting on the small bed. He was leaning against the headboard with his knees pulled against his chest. His hands were covering his ears tightly and his eyes were clenched tight. He was pale and very thin. He looked to be about eight or nine years old.

A baritone voice boomed from somewhere else in the house. The voice caused both the past and present Snape to jump and to shake.

"I'LL KILL THAT BASTARD! I'LL KILL THAT GOOD FOR NOTHING PIECE OF SHITE! I'LL FUCKING KILL HIM! WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?!" The voice bellowed.

The young Severus began to cry and he slipped under his bed so that Hermione could no longer see him. Hermione looked up at the present Snape and saw him staring at the closed bedroom door with a look of fear on his face. Suddenly the door crashed open and a man with a thick neck and chest loomed in the doorway.

His hair was slightly shaggy and just as black as the boys. He was tall, but Hermione guessed Severus grew to be taller. He was bulky and obviously drunk.

"Come out, you little shite! COME OUT AND PLAY!" Tobias Snape flipped Severus' childhood bed, revealing the crying and shaking child that had hid beneath it. He threw the young boy into the wall and hit him so that he fell to the floor. He kicked him in his nose and his ribs and his back. Hermione began to cry and scream at the man to stop.

Severus pulled her hand back towards him, "It doesn't do anything to scream. I've tried," He said as the memories whirled around him and a park surrounded them.

"How often did that happen?" She whispered, swatting a tear away from her face with her free hand.

"Daily," His jaw was set.

Hermione saw the young Severus, looking a little older, sitting in a bush watching something. She followed the young boy's gaze to two young girls, of the same age. He was looking at one in particular.

"Was this the first time--" She was cut off.

"This is the first time I ever saw Lily Evans," He whispered.

The next few memories were of Lily and Severus as he explained magic to her.

She gripped his hand tightly and occasionally glanced up to see his face. He watched the two young children with such sadness in his eyes that it made her heart break.

The memories of Hogwarts came next. Severus yanked his hand from Hermione's during an episode of teasing from the Marauders. He walked several yards away from Hermione and she heard his younger self call Lily a mudblood. Hermione walked up to Severus and saw his hand was covering his face. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, "It's alright, Severus, shhh."

"No, it's not alright. Did you see that? That was the line I never should have crossed. I was never the same after that day, Hermione. I lost everything," He whispered.

The memory faded and they started to become darker.

Severus was on his knees beating the wooden floor of what Hermione figured to be one of his old bedrooms. He was crying and moaning.

"The last time I really cried," He reminded her.

"The night she died…" Hermione whispered sadly.

"I…I've never visited this memory," His voice was so soft she had to strain to hear his words.

"I can imagine why," She slipped her hand back into his.

She turned her face away from the grieving Severus and looked at the present Severus. He was watching himself with heartbreak but with a faint look of disgust. This man on the floor was showing weakness and wearing his heart on his sleeve. That was something the current Severus did not condone.

The night Snape killed Dumbledore followed soon after Lily's death. Snape had separated himself from the other Death Eaters. He threw up several times behind a tree in the Dark Forest. Severus looked horrible. His face was white as fresh snow, but not nearly as cheery. The bags under his eyes were incredibly dark.

"Coward," He whimpered, quoting what Harry had just called him, "Coward!"

The memories became darker. Severus was plagued by nightmares every night. He hardly slept because of this. He hardly ate. He endured such horrific tortures and beatings at the Death Eater summons. He was deeply depressed. She also noted that every Halloween Severus visited Lily's grave. He placed a single red rose on her headstone every single year.

The love that Severus must have felt for this woman must have been so overwhelming and so controlling. He spent half of his life pining away over her death. That type of love she didn't think was possible to feel twice in a lifetime. She fought back tears at the thought of always being second best in Severus' heart.

Severus had been studying her, reading her face. Her mind was sacred and he would not invade it like that, but he was incredibly curious. He turned away from her as the memories of the last day of the Final Battle surrounded them.

Hermione watched the younger Severus. He actually looked older than he did now. He looked so completely exhausted. His face was drawn and his skin was pale as death. The skin under his eyes looked bruised. His lank hair even looked tired, clinging to his face. He walked towards Voldemort, a look of satisfaction on his face. The realization hit Hermione hard. He thought for certain that he was going to his death. He looked at peace for the first time in years. He was content with his apparent fate. He was fine with dying. He wouldn't hurt anymore. He wouldn't be a spy. Maybe he would finally get the peace he deserved.

Severus was now lying in the grass. There was a thick fog around him except for the place he was in. He was in the park where he had first met Lily. He pulled himself up and looked around.

"What the bloody hell is this?" The past Severus scowled.

"Severus," Hermione heard a woman's voice and watched Severus face drop.

He turned quickly around and saw Lily. Her red hair flowed gracefully past her shoulders and her emerald green eyes were shining as she took in Severus' face.

"Lily," He choked, stepping away from her.

"Hey, Sev," She whispered softly, a small smile on her lips.

"I'm so sorry," He said, the tears came quickly and Hermione could tell that Severus did not want to cry then, just as he had said.

"It's alright, Severus, let it out. It's been horrible to feel you hold all of this in all of this time. I'm a part of you, a part of your heart. I felt everything. I felt all of your pain, your grief, your love, your regret…You must stop this. You must know that I forgave you long ago. I love you, too, Severus, just not in the same way," She said as Severus struggled against this unseen force but dropped to his knees, the tears streaming down his face.

"I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry for calling you that horrible, horrible word," He sounded like a teenager again, "I'm sorry I heard that damned prophecy. I'm sorry I told it to Him. I'm sorry I became a Death Eater. I'm sorry I disappointed you. I'm sorry I failed you. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Lil," He was sobbing uncontrollably.

"I should have forgiven you, Severus. It pains me to think about how different things may have been if I hadn't been such a stubborn teenager. I forgive you now. I forgave you so long ago, Severus, please, you must not continue living this way," She said sadly.

"Living? I thought I was dead?" Severus hiccoughed.

"No, you're at the in-between. The deceased person who meant the most to you in your life comes to meet you. They have the choice of sending you back to life or allowing you to pass through to the after life. I'm sending you back, Severus. You don't belong here, not yet. You never got the chance to truly live…" There was a pain in his neck that began to throb. He put his hand over his neck where it hurt.

"I release you from any debt that you thought you owed to me. I forgive you for everything that you have done. You will find her, you will find your true love. She's right in front of you, Severus, my very best friend…" She whispered.

"No, Lily, I don't want to live! I don't want to be human!"

The pain in his neck was unbearable as she faded away.

The morning he awoke was a brutal scene to watch. He was very angry and very upset. Harry came into his room first. He looked like hell. He didn't look at Severus at first and Snape stared at him curiously. Harry looked up at him and his emotion overtook him. He collapsed forcefully into Snape's shoulder, the one opposite his neck injury. Snape still winced in pain but did not pull away from Harry at all. He placed his hand softly on Harry's shoulder and Harry visibly relaxed. He pulled himself off of Severus carefully and outstretched his right hand. Severus took it and gave it a firm squeeze and nodded his head assuredly and Harry left.

Ron came in next. Severus was not at all interested in speaking with him. He nodded briskly at Ron's pitiful apologies and stuttered sentences. Ron left awkwardly.

Hermione swore she saw his eyes brighten when she walked in his room. She touched his hand lightly; she was bruised and still slightly bloodied. Maybe Hermione was looking too hard for the faintest clue he had cared for her even then. She watched his fingers slowly and very lightly curled around her hand. She squeezed his hand and the tears overwhelmed her. He had squeezed her hand tighter, she saw it. She leaned down and kissed his pale cheek. He had leaned into her touch so lightly she hadn't noticed it at the time but it was noticeable now, from the outside looking in. He shut his eyes and seemed to hold his breath. No words were spoken between them and that had, in fact, been the last time they had been alone together before she became a professor. She pulled away from him gently and he opened his eyes slowly, deliberately, as if he didn't want too. He nodded and they let go of each other's hands and she left. She looked back to see him staring at her, a sad look on his face. She left with tears in her eyes.


	9. You Are My Fire

"_Oh, and I don't know, I don't know what he's after,  
but he's so beautiful, he's such a beautiful disaster  
and if I could hold on through the tears and the laughter  
would it be beautiful or just a beautiful disaster?"_

The memories stopped and they pulled themselves out of the basin.

"You know everything else," He said quietly, avoiding her eyes.

She was crying still, "Severus…"

He briefly made eye contact with her, "Don't cry over me. I don't want pity."

"I do not pity you, Severus!" She scolded him, "I love you. Seeing all of those memories in which you were hurting, hurt me! I love you; I never want to see you hurt!"

The words hit Severus awkwardly, his eyes lighting up once again as she told him she loved him, "Hermione…"

His cold, slender fingers brushed her cheek, "What happened in there? What was going through your mind…You had this look on your face when you saw me at Lily's grave. Every time you saw it, the look on your face nearly tore my heart out," He whispered.

"I…I don't know," Hermione looked away from him, hanging her head.

"Talk to me," He whispered, his eyes searching hers.

She looked deeply back into his gaze. She saw love, adoration, and a hint of fear.

"I'm afraid that I will never measure up to Lily. I'm afraid I'll always be second to her. It sounds horrible and I feel horrible for feeling that way, but…" She started to cry.

"I can't do this anymore," He shook his head and backed away from her, throwing his hands up.

"I know, it's okay, Severus. I can't expect you to love me like you love her…" She was crying now.

"No! Stop comparing yourself to her! I can't do this, Hermione. I can't pretend like this is okay. I can't pretend anymore," He choked up.

"Severus, I'll just go," She said, moving towards the door.

"No! Don't you understand, Hermione? I can't pretend that I'm okay with us being just friends, because I'm not. I can't pretend that I don't love you, because I do. I love you. I love you. I feel you," He put his fist over his heart, "I feel you in here. I feel you in my heart, in my soul, I feel you to the very core of my bones, Hermione. You burn inside of me. Lily is dead. Do not think for a second that I don't know that. You can't un-love someone though, Hermione. I will always love her. But she wasn't my soul mate, apparently. She didn't light this fire in my soul. I didn't even think I had a soul. You…are my fire," The tears began to flow out of his eyes and he turned his back to her.

"Severus," She choked on her sobs and slid her arms around him from behind.

"No, I love you. I have never felt this way before. I do not even think it's fair to say that I love Lily. I don't know what that is compared to this, it seems so petty. It seems so…small. I want you. I need you. I love you. I …Hermione," He was crying now, freely.

She spun him around and crushed herself into his chest. He held her like it was the last thing he was ever going to do.

He jerked away from her suddenly, "Hermione, you know me now. You have seen my scars, physical and emotional. This is your last chance. You can leave now and I will do my best to pretend. But, if you stay, I will not be able to let you go. You would be my life."

"I'm not going anywhere," She shook her head.

"I love you," He said, a guttural sound.

"I love you, too," She whispered.

He kissed her with such bruising force he almost knocked her over. It was a passion, an explosion that was beyond comparison. It was something so deep, so powerful. It was the explosion of a soul recognizing its counterpart.

"_He's beautiful, Lord, he's so beautiful.  
He's beautiful."_


	10. A Regular Pain

"_Would you cry if you saw me crying? Would you save my soul tonight?"_

"I should go," She whispered through her heavy breathing.

"Okay…" His eyes were closed.

"Look at me," She quietly.

He opened his eyes and found hers. His eyes were hooded but she could see past it. He was still scared out of his mind, but he was in love. He was in love with her.

"I love you," She annunciated each word.

His face dropped again into disbelief, as if he had heard her wrong. It was like he never expected to hear it because he didn't think he deserved it. His eyes welled up and he looked at the ceiling.

She kissed his neck where Nagini had left her mark. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight.

"I love you, Hermione," He whispered, almost choked.

"Good night, Severus," She said.

"Good night," He nodded briskly, unsure of how to end it.

She pulled away from him awkwardly and turned to walk to his fireplace but he grabbed her wrist.

"Let me hold you once more," His voice was deep and needy as he held her to his chest.

He kissed her forehead and put her at arms length, his hands on her shoulders. He bent over so that his eyes were level with hers. His face was inches from hers, "I love you, good night." He kissed her lips softly.

"I love you, too, good night," She smiled at him and flooed back to her bedroom.

Severus hardly slept that night at all. His heart rate didn't slow and continued racing until the next morning.

He thought constantly about the Yule Ball. He didn't know how to ask a date, especially someone he actually cared about. He slipped out of bed and gasped as a familiar and blinding pain shot up his spinal chord and exploded in the back of his head. He collapsed to the floor.


	11. Another Tragic Secret

"_Would you dance if I asked you to dance? Would you run and never look back?"_

"Remus, have you seen Severus?" Hermione inquired of her friend after lunch. Severus had either been avoiding her or had been completely absent from all things around her.

"No, I have not. Perhaps he…is ill?" Remus stuttered as if he was holding something back.

"He never missed a day of class in the seven years he was my teacher, Remus, have you seen him or not? The truth this time, please," She raised an eyebrow at him.

Remus shifted uncomfortably, "Hermione, Severus is…older now, he might be ill. I'm sure you'll see him soon enough," He turned and walked quickly away from her.

"What in the hell is wrong with him?" Hermione rubbed the back of her neck with her hand and went down to the dungeons.

She knocked on the classroom quickly and then opened the door. She half expected to be interrupting a class. The room was empty. Hermione looked around in confusion and then jumped when the door to Severus' private quarters opened ever so softly.

"Madam Pomfrey! What are you doing down here?" She questioned, worry growing in her heart.

"I could ask you the same thing, Miss Granger," She stared at her accusingly.

"I came to see Severus, I haven't seen him all day and I was beginning to worry," She said, looking past her at the closed door.

"Severus is a bit under the weather today, my dear, I'm sorry," She said quietly.

"What do you mean? What's wrong with him? Can I see him?" Severus Snape did not get sick, of that Hermione was positive.

"Hermione, I am not at liberty to discuss such things with you, you know that," She said sadly.

"Why can't you tell me? Can he tell me?"

"He cannot say much of anything right now," She said.

Hermione's eyes filled up with tears, "Madam Pomfrey…Severus and I…we're…sort of dating? Maybe we're together, I'm not really sure. But, I can tell you this. I love him. I love him more than anything in this entire world. Please, tell me what's wrong with him!" She cried.

"Oh, dear, this is what he meant. In all the years I have dealt with these episodes with Severus he never once spoke and just now he was mumbling your name. I couldn't make any sense of it. He probably wants to see you! But, you must know certain things…Severus, as you are probably well aware, endured many tortures and abuses, both physical and emotional. The effects of the Cruciatus Curse have…for lack of a better word, fried, Severus' nerves. Occasionally the after effects of the curse flare up and leave him bedridden by pain. It hurts him even to lie on the bed, let alone be touched or even to wear clothes."

"Oh, no!" Hermione's tears fell down her cheeks.

"Hermione, you must not touch him. He can hear you and if it does not pain him too much more, he may be able to speak with you. His eyes will be closed and he probably would not be inclined to open them…Do not sit on the bed, do not touch him, do not tuck him in, do not brush his hair out of his eyes…any movement causes him incredible pain…Severus is in his own private hell, my dear," Madam Pomfrey said as she gestured towards the door.

Hermione sucked in a deep breath and carefully opened the door and such it behind her as gently as possible.

She cried harder as she took him in. His whole body was shaking. His eyes were shut tight and his hair was matted with sweat that had soaked his face and his naked chest.

"Severus," She whispered as the tears fell off of her chin.

He seemed to shake a little more, as if he was resisting something.

"Her-" He coughed painfully.

"Shh, don't speak, Severus. I don't want you to hurt anymore than you already do…" She batted the tears away from her eyes.

"Hermione…" His voice was strained and very weak as she approached the bed.

"It's me, Severus, I am here…" She whispered back to him.

"Will…you…" He coughed again, his face contorted in pain, "Will you…go…to the…Yule…Ball with me?" He gasped out the last words.

"Severus, you're a right bastard. You're in unimaginable pain and all you can think about is asking me to that bloody ball!? How can you even be thinking about that?!" She almost laughed at his question.

"Couldn't...wait…" He struggled.

"It certainly could have waited!" She scolded him.

"No…pretty woman …like you, lots of suitors," He breathed.

"But only one whom I love," She said tenderly.

"Answer me," He scrunched his face up again.

"Damn it, man, you will kill yourself asking me to a stupid dance! Yes, I will go to the ball with you!" She shook her head and watched as a small smile played across his lips.

"Love you," His mouth barely parted as the words fill off of his lips.

"I love you too, Severus," She said.

"Stay," He coughed again, "With me."

"Always," She promised as she pulled up a chair next to his bed and sat next to him.


	12. I Don't Deserve You

"_I can be your hero, baby. _

_I can kiss away the pain. _

_I will stand by you forever. _

_You can take my breath away."_

Severus' pain disappeared as quickly as it had come on. Hermione looked at him carefully as he sat on the edge of the bed. He was wearing only boxers. His pale and scarred skin was covered in sweat.

"Severus…" She whispered, realizing how much he must trust her, how much he must care for her if he let her see him so vulnerable.

He looked up at her with exhausted eyes. His obsidian eyes shined as they took in her face and he gave her a weak smile, "I'm sorry…"

"What the bloody hell are you apologizing for?" She asked him curiously.

"I'm sorry…That I'm like this," He shrugged painfully.

"Like what, exactly?"

"I know I am not a knight in shining armor. I'm beaten and broken in more ways than one. This cannot be how you imagined the man that you 'love', Hermione. You deserve someone better, someone who doesn't faint like a child because his back hurts. You deserve someone who is healthy, young, and full of life…" His voice trailed off.

Hermione was shocked. He was a man of few words and she still wasn't used to hearing him say so much in one sitting outside of a classroom, "Severus, I love you. I promise you that. I don't think that you're weak and you're truly not old, either. You're a war hero and anyone that thinks that war heroes get out of war unscathed is vastly unintelligent. I love you," She leaned in and kissed his chilled lips lightly. As she pulled away she heard him sigh.

"Lie down, Severus. You must be exhausted," She smiled at him softly and watched as he gingerly curled onto his right side.

She walked around the foot of the bed and crawled up behind him. He made a move to turn around to face her but she stopped him, "No, just rest, Severus."

He stopped moving and she brought her left hand up to his back. He tensed briefly as she touched his scarred back and then relaxed with a sigh. Her slender fingers spun comforting circles on his sore muscles.

Minutes passed and she heard his breathing become even and slower. He was sound asleep. She spent a few minutes admiring him. He was so strong and so brave. There was no doubt in her mind that he wouldn't do absolutely anything to protect her or to make her happy.

He stirred in his sleep, "I don't deserve you," She whispered to him.

"It is I who doesn't deserve you, Hermione," His voice rumbled through his chest as she pressed her lips to his bare shoulder.

"You deserve happiness. You deserve to be loved. You always have. If I can give you those things then I will for as long as you will have me…" She whispered into his neck.

He rolled carefully to his other side so that he was facing her. He cradled her cheek in his pale hand and looked into her eyes, "Please, don't leave me…"

"I'm not going anywhere, Severus," She whispered.

"Promise me…" His eyes were stricken with fear.

"I promise you, Severus, I promise you," She whispered and kissed his nose.

"Please, don't let me stay trapped inside of myself forever…" He whispered, a lone tear trickled down his cheek.

"I won't, love, I won't," She smiled at him and wiped away his tears, "Now, you need to rest."

He looked deeply into her eyes and then shifted forward and rested his forehead against hers. He was soon fast asleep, succumbing to his exhaustion.


	13. The Ominous Potions Master

"_Am I in too deep?_

_Have I lost my mind?_

_I don't care,_

_You're here tonight."_

Severus woke up and blinked slowly. Someone was breathing lightly onto his neck. He pulled his head backwards and let his eyes adjust. Hermione. She had stayed.

Severus withdrew from the warmth of his bed and crept into his bathroom for a brief shower. His tired muscles relaxed slightly under the hot water.

He poured a generous amount of shampoo in the palm of his left hand and rubbed his palms together before massaging the shampoo into his hair. He rinsed his hair and lathered soap onto his hands and ran the soap over his face and body. He stood facing the shower head as the hot water pounded into his face. He ran his hand over his face roughly before turning off the water and grabbing a towel.

He semi-dried his hair and body and then he wrapped the towel tightly around his waist. His thin hipbones stuck out like a sore thumb. He stepped out of the bathroom quietly, hoping he hadn't woken Hermione. He walked over to his dresser and retrieved a pair of black dress slacks, a white v-neck t-shirt, socks, and underwear. He turned softly on his heel and was startled by Hermione staring at him from his bed.

"I apologize," He said softly, "I didn't intend to wake you."

"It's quite alright, actually, I was just enjoying the view," She smirked at him.

Severus sneered, "What view?" He turned and looked at himself in the mirror. His chest was still wet and it was dusted in black and grey chest hair. He was still pale, scarred, and skinny.

"Oh, I was actually referring to the fantasy man in the dream I just had," She said in a voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Indeed," His said lowly, mock-offended.

"He's tall, dark, and handsome. Tall in sort of a towering over you kind of way, I mean. Dark as in his hair is dark, although it's graying now and handsome in his own mysterious way. That's the man of my dreams, Severus. Do you know him?" She said almost seductively.

"I can go and fetch Lupin for you, if you'd like," He gestured towards the door.

"Hmm, hard to get now, are we? Well, two can play that game," She smiled devilishly at him and he raised an eyebrow at her.

She slithered off of the bed and approached him. She stood mere inches away from him. She grabbed the clothes from his hands and tossed them lightly onto the floor, "You won't need those for a while, Professor," Her voice was filled with lust.

"Uh, Hermione," He laughed nervously, uncharacteristically.

"Mmm?" She mumbled as her lips grazed his collarbone as light as feather.

"I'll have you know…That," He closed his eyes to stifle a groan as she kissed his Adam's apple, "I am…Inexperienced, to say the least, in areas such as these."

She pulled away from him with an immensely shocked expression on her face, "Severus Snape is a virgin. The Severus Snape, the ominous Potions Master, the man who made girls go weak in the knees by a simple word?"

He coughed uncomfortably, "Yes, Hermione. That Severus Snape…" He averted his eyes away from her face, clearly embarrassed.

"Why?" Hermione asked, still shocked.

"I should think that would be obvious, Granger," He said dangerously.

"No, it's not obvious," She said, attempting to make eye contact.

"Because I have not had a sexual relationship with anyone in my entire life," He sneered, angry at her for treating him like a child.

"No! Merlin, Severus! I meant why are YOU a virgin? I honestly took you as someone who would be experienced," She said, grabbing his right wrist.

"Perhaps I am mistaken, but I always thought that sex was for two people who are in love and who are in a relationship. As I have never had requited love nor have I ever been in a relationship, before you that is to say, I have not had sex," He said seriously.

"Severus, it's alright to be a virgin. I'm a virgin as well; it's nothing to be ashamed of!" She smiled at him encouragingly.

"Weasley?" He raised an eyebrow disbelievingly.

"He sure wanted too, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him as anything other than a friend, perhaps even a brother…" She smirked at him.

"Are you sure that you want this? That you want me? Hermione, you're taking all of me here and I'm out of my realm…I'm going mad without the slightest control over my heart…"

"I can't force you to do anything you don't wish to do, Severus!" She scolded him.

He growled and crushed her into his body and seared her lips in a fiery, passionate kiss, "Do you think that I don't want this?"

"Well, I did, for a second there," She said in between breaths.

"I do not wish to rush anything, Hermione," He whispered to her, a small trace of fear glittered in his dark eyes.

"Severus, I love you. We're not rushing anything," She pacified his fears with a passionate and confident kiss.


	14. A Speechless Severus

"_Now would you die_

_For the one you love?_

_Hold me in your arms tonight."_

Two months later, Severus stared at himself in the mirror. He flattened his hair with his right hand and smoothed out his dress robes. He had a black dress cloak on with a dark purple vest on. Hermione had begged him to match her dress and he, as weak as he was with her, gave in and wore a vest that matched the purple of the strap he had given her. This was the first dance he would attend with a date in over two decades and he was as nervous as a schoolboy. He looked himself over one final time and grabbed the wrist corsage he had purchased for Hermione. It had three sweetheart roses with a dark purple ribbon laced beautifully into it. He left for Hermione's quarters.

He passed several students and found it uncomfortable to scowl at them when he was dressed as nicely as he was. He nodded as he passed them. They smiled and nodded back at him, the girls sometimes waved and giggled at him. He knocked on Hermione's classroom door and opened it.

"Severus?" She called from her private rooms.

"I'm here, Hermione," He said, an uncomfortable shake in his voice.

She walked gracefully out of her bathroom. Her hair was pulled to one side, the brown curls flowing stunningly over her shoulder and collarbone. Her dark purple dress was tight around her chest and stomach and then flowed softly down from her slender hips. She wore silver heels, a diamond bracelet, necklace, and earrings that Severus had bought for her over the course of their relationship.

Severus approached her and then opened his mouth to say something to her but was interrupted as Remus Lupin strode into the room.

"Hermione, I – Oh, Severus, there you are! Oh and you two look absolutely lovely! Dora come in here, woman!" Remus shouted obnoxiously over his shoulder as Tonks stumbled into to the room, her hair her favorite shade of vivid pink. Her dress was all black. Remus' vest matched her hair and he was wearing a similar set of dress robes that Severus was wearing and Severus chuckled inwardly at this discovery.

"Oh, Hermione, sweetheart! You look beautiful! Doesn't she look beautiful, Severus? Oh, absolutely beautiful!" Dora talked so quickly Severus just stood there awkwardly with his mouth slightly agape.

"Well, Sev, don't just stand there like a fool! Tell her how beautiful she is! Say something, you git!" Lupin jested.

Severus blinked and looked at the floor, "Hermione…you…"

"My god! He's speechless!" Lupin was amazed at this discovery.

Severus looked at Remus and gave him the most uncomfortable shrug, "Hermione…You…You take my breath away every time I lay my eyes upon you. You look beautiful every second of every day. You look beautiful tonight," He had started out with his voice above a whisper but his words became softer toward the end of his compliment.

"Sev," She whispered and he met her amber eyes, "Love?"

He gave her a soft kiss on her forehead before he followed Remus and Tonks out of the classroom.

The staff procession into the Great Hall started the dance. It went rather uneventfully. Severus was only able to steal a handful of dances with Hermione, as they were to be maintaining order between the students. Severus returned from getting Hermione another drink when he noticed she was nowhere to be found.

"Ah, Sevvvvy," Lupin was obviously tipsy.

"Have you seen Hermione?" He questioned the happy man.

"Yes, she went this way. She looks lovely tonight, you know?" Severus smiled at Remus' slightly slurred statement as he was led out of Great Hall.

He heard a noise from his right and as he turned toward the sound he saw a ginger haired boy pressed against Hermione completely. His mouth was on her in desperate desire. His hands were on her thin waist gently, almost lovingly.

Severus unconsciously squeezed the champagne glass so tightly it shattered in his palm, slicing open his skin. The champagne stung in the wound, but he could not feel any other pain except the pain in his heart.

"Oh, dear," Remus had apparently regained his senses.

"Severus!" Hermione looked at him with a look of shock on her face, almost of complete disgust. In his frenzied state he could not distinguish the emotion on her face.

He couldn't control himself. He lunged at Ron Weasley with the full of his weight. Although Severus towered over most people normally, he looked especially threatening looming over the pale, freckle-faced inebriated boy.

He grabbed Ron by his shirt collar and picked him up with ease and then forcefully slammed him into the stone wall behind Ron. He held Ron into the wall with a vice-like grip. The younger man's feet dangled several inches above the hall floor.

He felt a hand on his arm, pulling him away from Ron. Remus. The boy looked terrified for his life. He could faintly hear a woman screaming at him to stop – Hermione.

Severus blinked several times and shook his head and looked toward his feet. His grip on Ron remained tight.

"I deserve it. I deserve it for ever thinking it was real! I deserve it for ever thinking I could be happy! I deserve it!" He ground his teeth together as his strangled voice cracked.

"Severus!" Hermione screamed at him to look at her.

Severus hunched forward slightly and released Ron, almost as if Hermione's voice had physically wounded him. Ron wiggled away from Severus ungracefully and stumbled and staggered past Hermione and Remus without a word.

Severus folded his forearms into the wall and rested his forehead on his arm. His breathing was heavy and uneven.

"Severus…" Hermione's voice was choked by a sob. Why was she crying? She shouldn't be crying. Severus didn't care, his own heart hurt too much.

He felt a gentle hand on his arm and he glanced up and recognized the slender fingered hand as Hermione's and he jerked away from her roughly.

"Please, Sev, let me explain…" She whined.

"NO! Get away from me! I don't care for your explanations! I don't want to talk to you! Get the hell away from me! Stay out of my life! I can't believe I trusted you! I love you!" He screamed at her, emotions pouring out of him.

"Severus, please!" Tears were streaming down her face.

He turned away from her angrily and she touched his shoulder blade softly.

"NO!" He bellowed, his back still to her.

"Severus, maybe you should allow her to explain," Remus said tentatively.

"I said no!" He growled at Remus and Remus winced at Severus' anger.

Severus challenged Remus with a glare and Remus backed down and Severus stalked past him roughly.

"How could you do this Hermione?" Remus whispered, tears in his eyes, "Severus loves you…He…loves you. He trusted you…" Remus walked away from Hermione with his head down and his hands shoved in his pockets. He walked in the direction Severus had so shortly before. He went after his friend whose world had just been shattered into a million pieces.


	15. Crucify Me

"_I always needed time on my own._

_I never thought I'd need you there when I cried."_

"Severus?" Remus' voice was quiet and serious as he slipped into Severus' bathroom.

"I don't feel well," Severus groaned as he wretched into the toilet again.

"I know, mate, I know. Don't do this to yourself…It's going to be alright, Severus, I'm going to help you…" Remus whispered as he kneeled down next to the broken man and placed a pale hand on his shoulder.

"What did I do wrong? What do I always do wrong?" Severus' voice cracked as he grimaced.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Severus! You were good to her, you were great to her! I don't know why this happened…I don't know why she did this… It's almost impossible to think that Hermione would do this…" Remus shook his head disbelievingly.

"I still…I still love her…" He cried as he hissed through his teeth in pain.

"I know you do, Severus…" Remus' head turned as he smelled a familiar smell coming from outside the bathroom.

"She's here," Remus hissed.

"No!" He cried in agony, "I don't want to see her…No, please, no…"

"I'll take care of it, Severus. Try to calm yourself down. I'm going to help you…You're not alone," Remus squeezed his shoulder and stood up and exited the bathroom.

"Get out, Hermione," He growled at the younger woman.

"I need to speak to him…" She begged.

"I won't let you."

"This isn't any of your business!"

"He's my best mate! It damn well is my business!" Remus could feel the wolf in him rearing its ugly head in protection of Severus.

"Remus!" She cried.

"Hermione," His voice was so low and so soft that it was almost inaudible, "I know there is more to what I saw… I believe that you would never do this to Severus. But, you need to leave. He cannot see you now, Hermione. All of his wounds are open now. Let me tend to him for now…" He finished and looked at her sadly.

She nodded silently and left Severus' quarters quietly.

"She's gone, Severus,"

"I gave her everything," Severus said as he searched Remus' face for understanding.

"I know," Remus knew Severus had given Hermione everything and all of him.

"What do I do?" Severus whispered about an hour later. He had finally calmed himself down enough to think rationally.

"You need to talk to her, Severus. I know what I saw and I know what you saw… I just, I cannot convince myself that Hermione Granger would do this to you…" Remus shook his head.

"I can't believe it, either," Severus said as he fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a small, black, velvet box. Remus looked at the box and then glanced up at Severus, wide-eyed.

"I was going to ask tonight. I was going to do it right after we finished those drinks I had gotten for us…" Severus whispered as he flipped the box open and stared at the beautiful diamond ring.

"Severus, it's beautiful. She would love it," Remus said assuredly.

"But, now, I'm not so sure. I want her as my wife. I love her, Remus, truly I do. But, now, I don't know what to think…" He breathed out heavily.

"I cannot imagine what you're going through but I do think that it would be best if you talked to her. You have to be ready to talk to her, though. The hurt and anger cannot be this fresh, Severus, or nothing good will come of it," Remus noted.

Severus nodded and his eyes glazed over as he got lost in deep thought. Remus studied him for a minute or so before he spoke again.

"How is your hand?" Remus asked.

"Mmm?" Severus grumbled and looked at him.

"Your hand, Severus, how is it?"

"It's nothing. It's the least of the injuries I've received in my lifetime," His voice was very somber and dark.

"Severus, can I ask you something?" Remus' voice was very soft and cautious as he knew the temper of this man in front of him and how quickly he could go from hot to cold back to hot again.

Severus looked at him and nodded once sharply.

"Can I see it? The Dark Mark?" Remus examined Severus' features. He seemed at first angry but his face softened and looked almost thoughtful. His eyes went absently to his covered left forearm.

"Do you wish to see everything? I know that I have not been a good friend to you. I have tended to your wounds and seen your scars and you have not been allowed to see mine," Severus looked at Remus genuinely.

"I wish only to see what you will allow me to see, Severus," Remus said quietly.

Severus' nimble fingers moved smoothly over the buttons of his vest and shirt. He took of his shirt and then slipped off his undershirt over his head with ease. He stood up and walked over to Remus and extended his arms slightly away from his sides and whispered with a dark irony, "Crucify me."

Remus grabbed his wrist and examined the Dark Mark, "Why did you do it, Severus?"

"You know perfectly well why I did it, Lupin," He drawled.

"Not this," Remus put his thumb over the mark and then moved his hand to Severus' scarred chest, "This."

Severus looked at him, clearly confused, "I did it because it was the right thing to do. I had to atone for my mistakes."

"If Lily had survived that night, would you have joined the Light?"

"I joined the Light before Lily died," Severus said quietly.

"Why?"

"I killed Lily and James, Remus," Severus said seriously.

"I heard Trelawney's prophecy about the boy born as the seventh month dies. I heard it. I heard it and like a fool I desired approval. I wanted one damn person to approve of me for once in my pathetic life, Remus. I relayed this information to Voldemort. I realized that he was going to go after Lily and Potter. Everything is my fault. The end of the friendship between Lily and I, her and James' murders, Harry's orphaned childhood…It is my entire fault," Severus watched Remus intently, waiting for the uppercut that was sure to come soon.

"You didn't kill Lily and James, Voldemort did. You were not responsible for Harry becoming an orphan, Voldemort was. You said something stupid and rash to Lily when you were kids and she was too hard-headed to listen to you. That's not your fault," Remus assured him, surprising Severus.

"I will live and die with my mistakes, Remus," Severus' voice was now confident.

"You hate yourself, don't you?" Remus' voice was soft and sad.

"No. I hate who I was. I hate the choices I've made. I am at peace with what I can no longer change and with what I have spent years trying to atone for," He stared directly into Remus' eyes. He wasn't lying.

"What about Hermione?" Remus looked questioningly at him.

"What about her?" Severus' voice was soft but it had a biting tone hidden within.

"Why did you move on? Why her? I thought you would want to get as far away from us as humanly possible…" Remus shook his head.

"This is my home, Lupin. You cannot possibly understand all of the pain that I have endured for almost the entirety of my life. This is where I was most 'happy', if I can even call it that," Severus' voice trailed off.

"So, what changed? I was sure you would keep to yourself for the rest of your life, especially after the memories that had to be played in front of many witches and wizards in order to clear your name to the Ministry?"

"Remus, I'm not…actually…horrible. I am a sarcastic, snide, old man but I can be quite…pleasant, if I so choose to be," Severus was uncomfortable with Remus thinking he was cruel.

"No, that's not what I'm getting at… What about Hermione made you choose to pursue a relationship with her? What made you love her? What made you trust her? I know damn well you're only rough around the edges. You love, hate, breathe, and bleed the same as any other bloke on the street," Remus nodded as he spoke, convincing Severus he thought highly of him.

"She…was interesting. After the War, I didn't want to be unhappy all the time. I just wanted…peace. I wanted everything to be comfortable. I no longer treated students horribly undeservingly. I didn't just yank house points from Gryffindor, although it was only too easy to do so, and I didn't want to be who I was then…I just needed someone to notice. Hermione did," Severus finished.

"Snape, you know the only reason I didn't ask you about anything was solely because I felt you would want to be left alone after having gone through the trial and having your personal life so exposed…" Remus said worriedly.

"Remus," Severus held up a graceful hand, "I know you are my friend. At first, Hermione was only an acquaintance. She was kind and careful in her words. She was calm and patient as I struggled to move past who I was into who I wished to be. She put up with me and all of my tantrums. She spoke to me as if I was her friend. She trusted me, first. She respected me. It was something not even a handful of people had given me so easily. I realized then that I had started to care for her. I didn't want to lose her, Remus, I couldn't deal with another Lily. I slowly opened up. It took months for me to tell her much of anything but I had to do it… I loved her," Severus' speech end on a note slightly higher than the rest of his tone of voice.

"You need to speak with her, then," He noted, taking a sip of the wine he had conjured.

"I don't know…" Severus whispered.


	16. I'm Late

"_And the days feel like years when I'm alone._

_And the bed where you lie is made up on your side."_

"Remus, please, look at him…It looks like it hurts him to breathe!" Hermione hissed at Remus at breakfast the next day.

Remus looked down toward Severus who was picking at his food. His shaggy hair was a disaster, sticking up in odd places, and his face was paler than normal. His jaw muscle was flexing quickly, letting Hermione and Remus know he was thinking and that he was very upset.

"Hermione, I would not advise speaking with Severus so quickly… It's all still very fresh. I don't think anything product would be accomplished…" Remus shook his head slowly, his voice low and even.

"I need to speak with him, Remus, I don't think you understand. He can't leave me…Not now…" Hermione whispered, her eyes welling up with tears.

"Hermione, I don't think talking to him right now would be a good idea," Remus said quietly, sympathizing with her slightly.

"Remus, I…I think I'm pregnant," She whispered as a single tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly batted it away.

Remus, who had been sipping on his tangy orange juice, choked and covered his mouth with his hand. He wiped his hand on a handkerchief and glared at Hermione, "Hermione…"

"No, I swear, Remus, I truly think I am. It's been a week and a half since I was supposed to start…" Hermione looked at him convincingly.

"No wonder you smell so strongly…" Remus crinkled his nose and looked down at Severus quickly, "In that case, I guess you can risk talking to him…Make it private though. I'm not sure Severus has ever thought about having children…"

"Do you think he will even look at me again, Remus?" Hermione tried not to let her tears fall again.

"The only that I know is that he loves you," He looked at her seriously.

"He's going to hate me now. He'll hate me for last night and for not being careful when we spent our time together…" She looked down at her hands in her lap.

Ten minutes later breakfast ended and the students began to file out of the Great Hall. Severus stood and walked gracefully over to the exit to the left behind staff table. Hermione followed briskly after him and tugged on his sleeve, "Severus…"

He did not turn to face her but he did stop in his tracks, almost frozen completely.

"I think that we need to talk, Severus. I know for a fact that we need to talk. Please, can you meet me by the lake where we used to sit and talk? Please, Severus…" She was begging and his heart wrenched. He nodded once stiffly and walked through the door and shut it behind him.


	17. As Stoic As Ever

"_When you walk away I count the steps that you take,_

_Do you see how much I need you right now?"_

Severus' classes finished after a long and anxious day and he made his way quickly toward the lake. He found Hermione sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest staring out at the crystal clear lake. He was silent behind her and she jumped when she saw him appear in her peripheral.

She swatted a few tears away from her face and mumbled at Severus to please sit down next to her. He sat down awkwardly, still not looking at her. He was several inches away from her and his posture was uncomfortable and stiff.

"Severus, Ronald kissed me. He showed up and of course, like the idiot you know me to be, I was excited to see my old friend Ron Weasley. I know that you hate him but he is…or…was my friend. He was drunk and at first everything was perfectly fine and normal. But, he started mumbling about how he was still in love with me and how he misses me and how he wants me to be with him and he just…Lunged at me. I didn't kiss him back, I swear to you, Severus…" She looked at him imploring him to believe her. He sat in silence staring stoically out at the lake.

"You can look into my head, Severus; you will see what I say is true. I cannot say that I would be extremely happy that you have that little trust in me, but I could not blame you, either… Would you like to do that?"

Severus jerked his head away from her and stared off to his left, "I'll take that as a 'no', then?" She questioned, although it was more of a statement.

"Did you like it, then? Kissing him?" He ground out angrily through his teeth.

"No, I did not enjoy it in the slightest. The man I love is a much better kisser. He's taller too, stronger, dark hair, dark eyes…and he has a smile and a laugh to die for," She smirked at him.

He glanced at her and sighed heavily. She bravely scooted closer to him so that they were now only sitting about an inch apart from the each other. When he made no move to shift away from her she took a deep breath, "Severus, there is something else…"

"There is always a catch," He mumbled, so used to having stipulations surrounding his life and his pathetic attempts at happiness.

"I think…I think I'm pregnant," She swallowed hard and stared at his face. She found no emotion there, except for a slight dilation of his pupils.

She reached out and grabbed his hand softly, "Severus, please, look at me," She whispered as several tears streaked down her cheeks.

His hand was loose and cold in hers and she moved to lean her head on his shoulder and he allowed it. He did not lean into her touch but he could not bring himself to pull away, either.

"Severus, please talk to me," She cried and pulled her head off of his shoulder.

He took the absence of her touch to stand up. She followed his actions, "Please! Don't leave me!" She was crying heavily now, begging at the father of her child to stay with her.

He looked at her fully now for the first time in a day. He reached out to touch her face but stopped himself short of her creamy skin. He put his slender fingered hand on her thin shoulder and flexed his fingers slowly and gently a few times over her shirt.

"Severus…" She looked at him desperately, putting her hand on his forearm and gripping him tightly. He removed his hand from her and glanced down at the small of her belly. His mouth twitched but still he said nothing.

He looked at her, begging her to understand his thoughts because he couldn't formulate a word to save his damn life.

She searched his face but found nothing and then his mouth went slightly agape and he exhaled heavily and unevenly and then inhaled sharply. He turned away from her and walked back up toward the castle. She watched him as he walked away from her. He put a fist into his hair and gave himself a good pull and then threw his arm down away from his body. She watched as he attempted to stalk up to the castle but he was far too uncertain of himself to intimidate even the smallest of students.


	18. Like Father Like Son

_"When you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you._

_When you're gone the face I came to know is missing, too."_

Hermione followed his suit to the castle only minutes later. She walked toward Remus' chambers and knocked softly on the door. He opened it and looked shocked to see her, "Hermione?"

She walked into his classroom as he opened the door wider for her to come inside.

"I spoke with Severus," She said, turning to face the werewolf.

He looked down at her and searched her eyes, "What did he say?"

"He did not speak. That's why I'm here. I am not sure what he was thinking…or rather, what he was feeling. There was emotion plain as day on his face and it seemed like he was begging me to understand what he was feeling, but I didn't know what it was I was looking at. I've seen him angry. I've seem him happy. I've seen him sad. I've seen him hurt. I've seen him confused. I'm seen him tired and I've seen him full of energy. I've seen him as a romantic and I've seen him as spontaneous. I've seen him confident and I've seen him so unsure of himself he couldn't even walk straight…But, I truly have no idea what he was feeling…Do you think that you could help me, Remus?" She looked up to him, uncertain if she had just lost the love of her life, the father of her unborn child.

"That sounds fairly serious, Hermione. I am worried that he did not speak. Extract the memory and put it in the pensieve over there," He gestured to his right.

Hermione did as she was told silently and Remus walked up behind her, "I cannot make any promises. It was only last night that Severus and I had our first real heart-to-heart talk," He whispered as he brought his hands up to her shoulders and rubbed the stress knots there gently.

"I just hope you can give me some kind of idea of what was going on in his head…" She said somberly.

He moved in front of her and leaned into the basin. Hermione got lost in her thoughts as Remus watched her memory. If Severus was angry about the child he wouldn't have allowed her to lean onto his shoulder so affectionately. She could not understand his actions at all.

Remus emerged from the basin and turned to look at Hermione, his eyes dark and sad. Hermione put her hand over her mouth in preparation for the worst.

"That was fear, Hermione," He said quietly.

"Fear?" She had not been expecting this answer.

"He's…terrified. I only know it was fear because I have seen it on his face once before. After the war as we carried him to the Hospital Wing he regained consciousness for about a minute and he clutched at my robes tightly and asked about Harry. He looked terrified. He was scared that the boy he had spent so long protecting and so long preparing had died. I told him that Harry had defeated Voldemort and this wave of relief passed over his bloody face. He slipped back into unconsciousness shortly thereafter…" Remus voice was low and methodical.

"Why would he be afraid?"

"Has Severus ever spoken of his father to you?" He looked down at her, concern in her eyes.

"He never spoke of him really. He showed me memories though," She noted.

"Have you ever heard the phrase 'Like Father, like Son', Hermione?"

"No! Remus! He cannot think that!" Hermione was sad, so sad that she was almost angry.

"Hermione, you must understand that, while Severus is a very, very brave man, he has very real fears. If you choose to speak to him tonight then you must not bash this fear. You must encourage him. Do not make him feel that this fear is at all stupid in any way," Remus grabbed her shoulders tightly.

"Will you speak to him, Remus?" She looked up at him, tears in her eyes.

"What would you have me say?"

"Speak to him as his friend. I am not sure if you should tell him I spoke to you about all of this before I spoke to him. Actually, I do not know if you should bring me speaking to you up at all. Speak to him as his friend. If I know him at all, he needs a friend right now…" She shook her head as if she was just as confused as Severus was.

"I will go speak with him, then, Hermione," He said looking at her and pulled her into a gentle hug, "Everything will be fine, Hermione," He assured her, squeezing her tighter to him briefly and then releasing her. She followed him out of his classroom and she made her way back to her rooms, glancing only once over her shoulder at her mentor as he made his way to aid her in fixing her mess of a life.


	19. A Healing Of Sorts

"_We were made for each other, out here forever. I know we were, yeah._

_ All I ever wanted was for you know to know everything I do I give my heart and soul._

_ I can hardly breathe; I need to feel you here with me."_

Severus sat in his black leather chair staring at the fire. He had a glass of wine in his hand and his finger tips tapped lightly on the glass. Pregnant. Hermione. He had sex with her. Why didn't they use a contraceptive potion? Hadn't Hermione been careful? Why hadn't he been more careful?

A soft know on his door caused his lip to twitch. He made no move and his silence was apparently enough of an answer for the visitor to enter. He had half expected it to be Hermione and was slightly shocked when he saw Remus sit on his couch and pour himself a glass of wine.

"Severus, how are you?" Remus looked at him and took a sip of his wine.

Severus looked at him as if he were stupid. He sneered and then looked back at the flames.

"Did you talk to Hermione, then?" Remus questioned, "What did she say?"

Severus seriously considered smashing his glass into his fist again but stopped himself when he saw the white bandage that was wrapped around his palm already. He remained silent.

"Severus?" Remus prodded.

"She thinks she's pregnant," He said evenly.

"It is safe to assume that the child is yours, Severus?" Remus attempted to act as if this was all new to him. Severus appeared too lost in his own thoughts to notice this awkwardness.

"The child is mine," Severus was confident in that fact.

"So, what are you going to do, mate?" Remus asked, taking a larger sip of wine this time.

Severus remained silent for a few moments and then downed his entire glass of wine. He set the glass down gently on the side table next to the chair and then looked back at the fire.

Remus approached him and put his hand on his shoulder. Severus tensed slightly at the contact.

"I'm scared, Remus," Severus whispered.

"I was too, Severus," Remus whispered and gripped Severus' shoulder tighter as he noticed the shaking become heavier. It turned to violet jerking as Severus doubled over in pain, spilling his wine everywhere.

"Severus!" Remus braced himself against Severus so that Severus did not crash to the floor. Severus was having another fit, as if the man hasn't suffered enough. Remus was not exactly sure how to handle this so he sent his patronus to Madam Pomfrey.

He held Severus against him tightly and whispered, "I'm here Severus. You will never have to suffer alone again. You will never be alone again. You have friends. You have people that love you. It's going to be alright."

Remus swore he felt the shakes subside slightly but, before he could determine if they had lessened or not, they returned with a vengeance. Pomfrey appeared and rushed over to Remus and Severus.

"It's on fire!" Severus was screaming, his head digging painfully into Remus' slender shoulder.

Remus looked at him pitifully, "What's on fire, Severus?"

"My bones! My skin! My body!" He was whistling in pain.

"Let me get him to his bed! Move, Remus!" She pulled out her wand.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked, afraid she was going to levitate him.

"I'm going to levitate him! Get out of the way; you're hurting him by touching him!"

"He's not alone anymore, Poppy! I will not allow to you to move him in such an undignified manner!" Remus growled at her as he slung Severus' slashing arm over his shoulder and half-carried, half-drug the thrashing body to Severus' king sized bed.

He laid Severus down and turned to Poppy who had tears in her eyes.

"Help me take off his clothes, Remus. They hurt him. It makes it last longer. Leave his underwear on. Merlin knows I will only make that mistake once. I doubt if he has forgiven me for that even yet," She began to unbutton his shirt.

His shoes were untied and pulled off and then Remus pulled Severus' pants off as gently as he could. He shuddered when Severus let out a howl of agony. He quickly took off Severus' shocks and Severus convulsed violently.

He watched as Poppy tugged off the final sleeve of Severus' shirt and tossed it to the bedroom floor. She summoned a potion that Remus had never seen before and forced it down Severus' throat. He relaxed only a little bit, still shaking heavily.

Remus approached him and jumped as Severus lashed out at him and grasped his shirt sleeve in a tight fist. Remus sat on the bed next to him and watched as Poppy stroked the sweaty hair away from his face gently, like a mother would do for her son.

"Everything is going to be alright, my dear child," Poppy whispered to him.

"What do we do?"

"Well, in about a minute, I will administer the potion Hermione made for him… She thinks it will cure this…" Poppy said softly.

"Hermione found a cure?" Remus was astonished.

"Yes, brilliant girl. She said that it would make the pain much worse because it would have to heal all of his fried nerves. Remus, I don't know if I can watch him go through that," She whispered, a tear slipping out of the corner of her eye and running down her face.

"I will stay with him, Madam," Remus assured her, "He helped me with my pain by brewing the Wolfsbane. This is the least I can do for him."

Poppy nodded quickly and forced the second potion down Severus' throat. She left within seconds after Severus swallowed and close the heavy wooden door behind her.

Severus began to howl and scream in pain. He gripped Remus' hands and arms so tightly they bruised and swelled.

"I know Severus, I know. Shhh. Everything will be better. This potion will make you well again, my friend," Remus talked calmly to Severus, despite feeling incredibly sorry for him.

Remus observed Severus' scars, "You sacrificed so much for all of us…Without any of us knowing it. We are all indebted to you, Severus although you would refuse these debts to be repaid. I am so sorry that you have to suffer like this, that you had to suffer all of those years alone. I cannot imagine how you must of felt. I'm so sorry, Severus," Remus held back his tears as he tried to talk comfortingly to Severus.

Severus' back arched off of the bed as he moaned and growled in pure agony. The veins in his arms, neck, forehead, and chest were pulsating heavily. His sweat beaded across his forehead and his chest. The screaming lessened slowly over a half an hour. Severus was reduced to small, childlike moans and cries. The tears flooded his pillow unwillingly.

"I will fetch Madam Pomfrey again, Severus. I will be right back," Remus pried Severus' death grip off of his arms and summoned Pomfrey back into the room.

"That was awful, Remus," She choked back her tears and Remus nodded, "Severus, I will give you a Dreamless Sleep potion and I will give you something for the aches and pains. Everything will be fine, my sweet boy. It's all over now," She administered these potions and left Severus' bedside. Remus followed her out of the bedroom and shut the door softly behind him.

"I hope Hermione was right," Poppy whispered as she took in Remus' face, "It was meant to be a sort of gift for Severus, from her. She had been working on it for weeks. She gave it to me because she thought it was a sort of sadistic gift. How did she describe it…Oh, yes, 'Here, Severus, you're in mind-numbing pain right now, but this will make it better…Only after making it worse.' She's such a sweet girl, really. I surely hope she was right…" She whispered.

"Me too, Poppy, me too," He said sadly, "I think I will stay the night here, if that's alright. I will sleep on the couch. I just, I can't leave him alone."

"You are a dear friend, Remus," She said, "I should have you know that these fits of Severus' are often the result of high emotional stress. Is he alright? Is everything with Miss Granger okay?"

"He definitely is under a lot of emotional stress…. To be honest, I am not sure anything is okay between Severus and Hermione…" He exhaled heavily.

"Try to get some rest, Remus," She kissed his cheek, "I'm sure everything will work out," With that thought she left Severus' quarters completely.

Remus laid down on Severus' big black leather couch and conjured a blanket. It was Gryffindor red. He was sure Severus would appreciate that.

Slowly, he managed to calm his thoughts down and drift into a restless sleep.


	20. For Not Being James

"_There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth.  
There's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt.  
It's still a little hard to say what's going on."_

Severus awoke to the sun shining in through his window. He twisted his neck against the annoying light and winced in pain. He was sore. He didn't know why though. He sat up in bed slowly, painfully, his arms shaking in protest and in weakness. He felt like he had been run over by a Hippogriff…Twice.

He ran a hand through his disaster of a hair as he reflected on recent events. Pregnant. His child, his Hermione. Remus. The nerve episodes. That was it. Poppy had given him a bitter potion and it had made everything worse. What the hell had that potion been?

He walked gingerly into his sitting room to find the Werewolf passed out on his couch. He was breathing heavily. Severus stared at him for a moment, relishing his friendship and loyalty. He returned to his leather chair and sat in it as he conjured up some warm tea.

It wasn't long before Remus began to shuffle in his sleep as the sunlight shone onto his scarred face. He rolled over onto his side and pulled the brilliant red blanket over his face and groaned, "God damn the sun," He mumbled angrily.

"Are you always this pleasant in the morning?" Severus chuckled softly.

Remus groaned again and muttered a brief, "Bugger off, Snape."

Severus smiled and remained quiet for a few moments until Remus sighed heavily and pulled the blanket away from his face and looked at Severus, "That tea smells disgusting."

"I apologize," Severus said sympathetically, "Brew your own damn cup to your liking and smell that, then," He mumbled.

"Bastard."

"Git."

"Slimeball."

"Werewolf."

"Stupid Slytherin," Remus' childlike taunts worsened when he stuck his tongue out.

"Gaudy Gryffindor," Severus teased back.

"Bat."

"Arrogant Toe-Rag!"

"Hey, I'm not James!" Remus laughed and put his hands up in mock-defeat.

"Thank you," Severus said quietly.

"For not being James?"

"Well, for that too I suppose, but for…For staying last night," Severus said seriously.

"Severus, you're not alone anymore," Remus assured him.

"What happened last night?" Severus narrowed his eyes at his friend.

"Hermione…She found a way to heal your nerve damage…"

"How?"

"Severus, you know I failed potions, I don't know what the bloody hell she did I just hope to Merlin above us that it worked!" Remus smirked at him.

"I had no idea she was trying to find a cure…" Misery painted the creases by his mouth.

"You need to speak with her, Severus."

"I know… I just have no idea what to say," He looked desperately at Remus.

"Tell me what you think about having a child."

"I do not know what to think. I'd never truly considered it. I had never even considered I'd be in a position to love again. Hermione was…A gift, a light in all of my darkness. I never thought that I would fall in love. I never thought that I would buy an engagement ring. I never thought that I would procreate," Severus stared off past Remus' head.

"Is the idea of a child with Hermione appalling? That child, that tiny human being, is a half of you and half of Hermione. That child is yours. That child is hers. That child is the product of the love that you two share with each other," Remus watched as a few emotions flitted quickly over his friend's face.

"The idea is not appalling in the slightest. I do not think you understand my position though, Remus. I would not make a good father. I did not have a good example of a father in whose footsteps I could follow and I've never had a 'father figure'," Severus said, his lips barely forming the words.

"Last night, before the fit, you said that you were afraid. You're afraid of being like your own father?" Remus questioned him.

"Yes," Severus' answer was firm.

"I think that it's safe to assume that, because you worry about it and because you so openly do not want to be like you're father, that you will not be anything like your dad. Severus, personally, I never saw you as a father. Not until recently. I never saw you as affectionate and then you fell in love with Hermione. Everything changed after that. To be honest, I feel you would be a great father," Remus said, his voice still gruff from his sleep.

"I think I will go speak with her. You can stay here if you so choose to. You need a damn bath, dog," Severus said with a slight smirk on his face.

"Shut up you slimy git!" Remus threw his pillow at Severus roughly, which Severus dodged easily.

He looked down at his feet and Remus watched as uncertainty filled his features, "Go get your woman, mate."


	21. Severus' Silence

"_There's still a little bit of your ghost, your witness._

_There's still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed._

_You step a little closer each day - I can't say what's going on."_

He had his speech all planned out and it was as good as it was going to get. Severus swallowed roughly a good three or four times before wiping his sweaty palms on his pants and knocking on Hermione's door. He grimaced as her heard her light footsteps approach the menacing wooden door.

She opened the door and her eyes widened as she took account of her guest, "Severus…I- " She was cut off when he bullied his way into the empty classroom, all speeches sent to Hell, and took her face in his hands and looked her straight into her eyes. He searched for a warning, a sign to stop, and then put his mouth against hers in a forceful and needy kiss. He held his breath and held still while he waited for a response. He found it quickly as her arms moved from her sides and wound their way around his neck, her fingers finding his hair.

Her tongue slid across his bottom lip and he groaned as he opened his mouth in response and explored her mouth. She felt so familiar, so comfortable and so safe. He wrapped his long arms around her back and pulled her as tightly as he could against his chest and held her there while he continued kissing her. He pulled away reluctantly and rested his brow against hers. Both parties were breathing hard.

"I had something to say…" He whispered between breaths.

"Did you?" She chuckled.

"I want this," He pulled away from her and held her hands firmly in his, "I want you, I want this child. I am sorry for my previous behavior. I will not make excuses for myself. I was wrong. I apologize."

"Apology accepted," She smiled and kissed his cheek softly.

"I also need to thank you," He said, taking in her face.

"For what?"

"The potion you created to heal me… Madam Pomfrey used it last night," He said somberly.

Her tiny hand covered her mouth as her eyes filled with tears, "I'm so sorry it had to be that way. You must be so sore…"

"Hush. I am forever in your debt. Unless it doesn't work, then you will be in mine…"

"Ha! It will work! Hermione Granger never fails. And, since you're in my debt, will you accompany me to the Hospital Wing? I feel as though a trip to Madam Pomfrey is in need," She smiled as she moved her hand from her mouth to the small of her belly.

"Your wish is my command," He smiled an escorted her to the Medi-Witch.

He opened the door for her and they approached Pomfrey quietly.

"Severus! I did not expect to see you up and about today! How are you feeling?"

"I am well, Madam," He held up a hand to quiet her, "We have come to ask a favor of you."

"What is it, my dears?" She looked curiously between the two of them.

"I would like a pregnancy exam," Hermione said and waited for her reaction.

Her eyes widened and at first, both Hermione and Severus felt as though they were about to be scolded, and then her face broke into the widest grin either of them had witnessed on this woman's aged face.

"Oh, yes! Of course!" She gestured to a nearby bed and Hermione hopped up onto it and laid down on its crisp, white sheets.

"How long has it been since your last cycle, dear?"

"I have missed the last three. I thought nothing of it at first. My cycle had always been irregular…But, never this irregular," She said with a nervous smile.

Severus looked apprehensive as Madam Pomfrey lifted up Hermione's shirt just past her naval. Hermione grabbed his hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"Now, this spell will produce a white light if you are indeed pregnant. No glow will be produced if you are not," She explained to them and waited for both to nod. She cast the spell and they waited. A white light glowed brightly on Hermione's stomach.

"Oh, my God," Hermione said as her eyes filled up with tears of joy.

Severus stared at the light, his mouth slightly agape and eyes wide with shock.

"Would you like to know the sex?"

"Is that possible this early?" Hermione asked.

"We're not Muggles, Hermione," She laughed.

Hermione looked at Severus, who tore his gaze away from the white light and looked at her briefly and shrugged, "Yes, we would like to know."

"Alright, pink for a girl, blue for a boy, as I'm sure you could have guessed," She smiled lightly and cast the next spell.

The white light swirled briefly before turning a light blue, "Congratulations Hermione and Severus. You're having a baby boy!"

"Severus, we're having a son!" She squeezed his hand tightly and grinned at him.

He gave her a sheepish smile and let out a sharp exhale, "A son. Our son. My son…" He breathed as a grin stretched from one ear to the other.

"Hold on, I have something more for you," Pomfrey smiled, her eyes glowing, as she sit her wand tip gently on Hermione's lower abdomen.

A thumping sound reverberated in the Hospital Wing. The steady beat of life resounded in the room. Hermione's mouth was again covered by her hand and Severus collapsed into the chair next to her, completely in awe.

"Severus!" She smiled through her hand.

"That's…His heartbeat?" Severus had never sounded nor felt so dumbfounded in his entire life.

"Yes, Severus, that is your son's heartbeat," Madam Pomfrey relished at the raw happiness on the couple's faces.

"My Gods," Severus said softly, "That is beautiful…"

Hermione looked at him with a grin on her face and he smiled and reached over the bedside and kissed her cheek.

"You are almost twelve weeks along, my dear. That puts you to be due around the end of December! Wonderful!" She beamed at Hermione.

"December," She whispered as she squeezed Severus' hand again.

"I expect to see you in here every month until the sixth month when we will need to begin to increase your visits," Pomfrey sounded like a Professor.

"Thank you, Madam," Hermione smiled and Severus nodded dumbly in agreement as he helped Hermione off the bed.

Severus slipped his arm protectively around her waist and she leaned into his body comfortably.

"Oh, and Severus?" The Medi-Witch called to him and he turned on his heel, "She is not made of glass. I know how protective and noble you are, but do not go to crazy, child. You'll drive her up the wall."

Severus grimaced and Hermione laughed and patted his chest playfully, "Thank you!" She chuckled.

They walked down the halls close to each other but not touching. He opened the door to her classroom and then opened the door to her private chambers for her.

Severus kicked off his shoes easily and slumped into the corner of her tan couch. She slid into the couch next to him and draped his left arm over her. He put his feet up on her coffee table, something only he was allowed to do and she kicked her feet up on the rest of the couch. Her head rested under his chin and he entwined his left hand into her hair, gently playing with the brown curls.

"We're having a son, Severus," She whispered into the silence.

"I know, love," He said back to her, a small smile on his face.

"I wonder what he'll look like…" Her voice was as dreamy as Luna Lovegood's.

"Hopefully like you," Severus murmured into her hair and kissed the top of her head, "I don't wish anything of mine on that child."

"Not even your last name?" She looked up at him, her eyes glittering and curious.

He smirked at her and remained silent for a few moments, "There are some things I need to take care of this week, before commencement."

"I wanted to talk to Harry and Ginny, and Ron about all of this… I mean, I've talked to them about us being together but not being pregnant…"

Severus avoided her gaze, "That is fine."

"Won't you come with me?" She looked up at him innocently.

"I…Uh," He swallowed hard; she was going to kill him, and said "I haven't spoken with or seen Potter since my trial…"

"What! That was over eight years ago!" She pulled out of his embrace.

"Hermione, you don't understand!"

"He testified for you! He was the reason you were cleared of all charges! You haven't had the decency to speak with him since then?" She was angry, angrier than she should have been. He assumed it was the hormones.

"Hermione, listen…You don't understand!" He held up a hand but she cut him off.

"No! I cannot believe you, Severus Snape!" She stared at him in her fury and then, as if she had an epiphany, her face softened, "But you never did any of what you did for him anyways," Her face hardened again, "So, that makes it's perfectly alright that you never spoke with him! Even though he's the reason you are walking about a free man! He admires you, Severus! More than you know! He accepted our relationship with ease! He likes you! I cannot believe you. You make me sick!"

"Are you quite finished?" Severus said through a clenched jaw. She stared at him and he took that as a signal to speak, "Now listen to me well right now, because I will only say this once and only to you. My memories, you have remembered the one in which I was arguing with Albus about Potter being raised like a 'pig for slaughter', am I correct?" She nodded and he continued, "You remember when I became irrational and showed Albus my Patronus? I was doing that to prove a point. A point, which I might add, was completely false. I said that I hadn't come to care for the boy and that I was only there because of Lily. I was lying. I told Albus that because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of being right…Again."

"So, you … Care about Harry?" She asked tentatively.

"Yes and no. I was not ignorant of the fact that, although he bloody well looked like his father, he was much more like Lily in nature. He was her son, a reminder of her preference for another man. I could not actually hate him for his father, as much as I tried to appear to do so. He was not his father. His mannerisms, his insights, his generally good-natured personality, it was all Lily," Severus explained.

"So, you do like him?"

"I do not hate him. I cannot say I was pleased with him as his teacher and him as my student, he was lazy. He had a habit for breaking rules," Severus said seriously.

"So, you're indifferent?"

"Basically," Severus nodded.

She looked at him curiously, "What else aren't you telling me?"

He looked at her guiltily and swallowed hard, "I have not talked with more people than just Potter since the War."

"Bloody Hell! Who else, man!" She was furious.

"I haven't spoken with Albus…or, rather, his portrait, since right after Voldemort's defeat. I have not spoken with Minerva McGonagall outside of her responsibilities as Headmistress and my responsibilities as a teacher. I haven't spoken with any of the Weasley's either, not that that should come as much of a shock…" His eyes met hers in a guilty gaze.

"Why I haven't you spoken with Albus?" She seemed quite upset and confused.

"I was his puppet, nothing more. He took far too much for granted," Severus said seriously.

"He cared for you, Severus. If you hadn't the slightest tug on his heart he would not have accepted your request for redemption on that windy hill top," She said.

"People never came first to him. He put my well-being, as well as Potter's, after his 'plan'. He always looked at the 'greater good'. His intentions were never in our best interests," Severus was growing angry and Hermione could sense it so she quit pushing him about Dumbledore.

"What about McGonagall?"

"She was awful to me after…That night."

"Well, what did you expect?"

"What I didn't expect was for her to so easily detest me. She had trusted me completely, as did Dumbledore. She knew that he trusted me and she knew that I was a double agent. I had always respected her, from the time I was a child, and she went from trust to pure and complete hatred as simply as one turns on and off a light switch," His eyes were swimming with emotions.

"Severus, I know that it hurts you but I know that, deep down, you understand that it had to be that way. You said it yourself that we were all meant to hate you. We were not to trust you. You played your part to perfection," She brought a cool hand to his face but he avoided eye contact.

"That meddling old fool did this to me. He left me to hang in front of all the people who had just barely come to trust me," He was so angry that he was shaking slightly.

"Severus, he loved you as he would his own son."

"NO! Do not tell me that. A man would never leave his 'son' in a position like the one he left me in," He stormed passed her angrily.

"What did they do to you Severus?" She couldn't believe that mere words had affected him so much.

He turned so quickly on his heels that it sent a cold shiver through her body, "Look at me."

She gazed into the dark pools of anger and sadness, "Do it." He hissed.

"Do what?"

"I know you're an accomplished Legilimens, Hermione. Do it," He spat.

She entered his mind with ease, something she only could have done because he had allowed it.

_Severus was checking the security in a corridor. He must have still been the Headmaster. He put his right hand on the stone wall and leaned his body weight onto his right arm. The fingers on his left hand pinched the bridge of his nose, something she had learned he had done when under stress or when in emotional turmoil. She assumed this situation was both stressful and emotionally taxing. _

_She moved away from the present Severus and gazed at the past one. She had not seen Severus as Headmaster, at least not this way. He was very pale and there was a distinct aura of fear around him. His greatly disheveled hair was longer than she had ever remembered it being when she was his student. He was also not clean shaven as she had always known him to be, a black shadow on his cheeks and neck illuminating the pasty color of his sallow skin. He looked dreadful. She leaned in closer and noticed that he was breathing heavily and unevenly._

'_How could you do this to me, Albus? How could you leave me here in this Hell?' The past Severus said in such a tone it caused Hermione's heart to wrench._

_A light from behind Hermione caused her and the past Snape to jump. Snape had clearly lost his touch and was not in his element as he had not heard the approaching person. Hermione turned and looked into the furious face of a younger Minerva McGonagall._

"_What gives you the right to say his name, Severus? What gives you the right to ask anything of his spirit?" She spat at him._

"_Minerva, listen to me, please," The younger Severus pleaded uncharacteristically._

"_Do not make excuses for yourself. Albus made enough excuses for you to last you three lifetimes. You, who do not deserve the magic that flows through your traitorous veins, were supported by the greatest wizard who ever lived and you betrayed him!" She said angrily._

_The hurt in Severus' eyes was obvious, but Minerva either ignored it or was completely ignorant of it as she continued her tirade, "You are a cursed vermin Severus. You are a bloody wretch, a menace. Everything you touch, everything around you, dies. You killed a childhood friend and her husband and you hated the boy who survived that night for the simple fact he did survive. You killed the best thing that had ever happened to the Light. You are nothing but a murderer, a traitor, a coward!"_

_The present Severus inhaled sharply and the past Severus shrunk slightly, "You do not understand, woman!"_

"_If the roles were equalized and you were to be killed, right now perhaps, no one would care, Severus. It would matter to nobody if that black heart of yours ceased to beat. Some would even rejoice, Severus," Her eyes burned a hole straight into the younger man's forehead._

_The scene faded and that very same corridor quickly reformed. The past Severus was now gazing out a window. She took in the appearance of a slightly older Severus. His hair was even longer. A thick, white bandage covered his neck but Hermione could see dried blood on the edges of the bandage. The skin under his eyes looked bruised and he had several scratches on his face. His face was still pale but not as sickly looking. He looked sad and pensive. This time, however, he noticed the approaching footsteps. He did not turn toward the noise or person._

"_Severus," Said the distinct Scottish accent._

_Severus neither turned toward her nor acknowledged he had heard her in any way._

_She spoke again, softer, "I am so terribly sorry, Severus. You cannot imagine the guilt that I feel now. We are all so terribly guilty and so terribly sorry. You were my friend and I had trusted you for years. I am so sorry. You must understand how we felt when you had killed him, though. It was like a personal betrayal of all of the rest of the staff, Severus! But that does not excuse our actions against you. We should have not been so quick to change our views on you, Severus…" Her voice trailed off and she looked at his back hopefully._

"_Leave," His voice was low and gravelly, a side effect of his healing injury._

"_Severus, please forgive me," She pleaded._

"_And why, Minerva, would you seek the forgiveness of someone like me? What was it you called me? Ah, yes," His voice, as wrecked as it was, was still deadly and venomous, "I believe it was 'a bloody wretch, a menace', a 'murderer, a traitor, a coward'. Why would you seek the forgiveness of someone that, if killed, people would rejoice; why would you plead for mercy from someone that death follows so proudly? Everything I touch dies, remember? Why is it that Harry bloody Potter isn't dead, then? Why isn't The-Boy-Who-Lived-To-Be-A-Pain-In-My-Ass dead? BECAUSE I SPENT HALF OF MY LIFE PROTECTING HIM THAT'S WHY! Why would someone like you, who is so righteous and mighty, seek the forgiveness of someone who does not deserve the magic that flows through his traitorous veins?" He hissed, turning slowly and menacingly toward her. His black eyes found hers in an animalistic glare._

_Tears formed in her eyes, "I am so sorry, Severus. Please! Forgive me!"_

_He looked at her, hurt in his eyes, "I would not think it possible for the 'black heart' of a 'cursed vermin' to find such forgiveness within it, would you, Professor?"_

"_Severus, my dear child, please forgive an old woman for her mistakes! I did not know what to make of you after that night, Severus!" Tears were flowing down her prominent cheek bones._

"_Do you know that I was so upset that I was sick that night? Did you know that I never slept after the night I killed him? Do you know that those words not only twisted the knife in my heart but the one in my back as well? Do you know what it feels like to have every person you care about you look at you with loathing and hatred in their eyes? Do you know what it's like to be an outcast in your own school? Do you know what it's like to have someone you trusted," His eyes snapped back to hers, "Hate every single fiber of your entire being?"_

"_Severus, I am so, so terribly sorry! You can never imagine how this feels! I cannot believe I treated you that way… I cannot believe that I turned on you so easily and so quickly," She looked at him, a deep sadness in her hazel green eyes._

"_That's where you're wrong, Professor," His eyes softened briefly, "I do know exactly how that feels," He dropped his gaze and moved slowly, gingerly past her._

"_Severus, please, you begged young Lily Evans for a second chance and you, of all people, should know how awful it feels to not be rewarded that forgiveness, that redemption. Don't do that to me," She whispered over her shoulder at him._

"_Do not bring her into this," He said harshly, "It's an entirely different situation."_

"_Is it? You called her a name, something hurtful and wrong. Did I not do the very same thing?"_

"_I said one bloody word. You repeatedly lashed out at me. You drove that dagger into me over and over again. You hated me. I never, ever hated her," He said through clenched teeth._

"_Severus, the situations are similar. How can you do to me what Lily did to you? Do you not remember how badly it hurt you?" She turned around to face his back._

_His eyes closed and he exhaled heavily, "I do not know if anything will ever be the same again."_

"_In time it will all be okay again. You just need time. Please, allow the people who deserve your forgiveness the opportunity to gain it…" She said softly._

"_In time," He scoffed at her words, "You say that like I've never heard that before…You say that to me, someone who has spent over half of their life pining over a dead woman. Time heals everything, does it, eh? In time, Professor, perhaps we will be able to speak comfortably again," He walked way from her slowly, limping slightly._

_The scene dissolved and Hermione was now standing in Severus' bedroom. His neck was still bandaged but the cuts on his face had healed a great deal so she knew that some days had passed. His hair was now cut slightly shorter than it was currently and the stubble on his face and neck was shaved off cleanly._

_Hermione walked up to the past Severus and saw that he was glaring at a picture frame. Inside the picture frame stood Albus Dumbledore wearing the bright blue robes he had died in._

_"Severus, dear boy, please talk to me! It has been so long since we have truly talked!"_

_The past Severus gave a throaty growl, "I'm done. I am free of both masters. Leave me in peace!"_

_"Severus! I was never your master! You know that! You were like a son to me!"_

_"OH, SHUT UP!" Severus yelled, wincing as the wound on his neck protested angrily._

_"Severus! Calm down! You do not want to aggravate your injury!" Dumbledore looked worried and shocked that Severus had yelled like that._

_"Calm down! You used me, you lied to me, and you walked all over me! You used my weakness and shoved it in my face time and time again!"_

_"Severus, it was all part of the plan, you knew this going in! You would have done the same thing had you been in my shoes and I in yours," Dumbledore said calmly even though his eyes showed hurt and worry._

_The past Severus began to shake and he winced again because of his neck, "No. I would not. Unlike you, I cannot put the wellbeing of someone below the wellbeing of the cause. You knew that it was wearing on me. You knew that it was killing me. You knew this as well as you knew that it was tearing apart your blessed boy wonder!"_

_"Severus, did I not ask you to speak with me about things? You could have talked to me about anything?"_

_"I could not, Headmaster. I could not. You are well aware of that. Potter couldn't talk to you either and the boy is a bleeding heart!" Severus spat at his former mentor._

_"Severus," The old man began but was cut off when Severus growled and bit out with finality, "Oh, fuck off, will you?" And with those words he grabbed the portrait frame and tossed it into his fire angrily and watched the flames consume the fabric._

_Hermione watched the man that she loved, the father of her unborn child, burn the picture of the only man he had ever looked up to._

Hermione was pulled out of Severus' mind just as easily as she had entered it. She stared up into Severus' eyes. He was breathing heavily and she stepped close to him and pressed herself into his chest. She wrapped her thin arms around his back and listened to his heart thump wildly.

"It still hurts you, doesn't it?" She whispered.

"Every single day," He enunciated clearly.

"I think that you should speak with Harry and Minerva. I cannot force you to speak with Professor Dumbledore, nor can I force you to speak with the other two people either. I think it would be a great sense of relief for you to speak with all of them, if you could. I…I actually never saw eye to eye with Dumbledore for the same reasons you don't," Hermione looked deeply into his eyes.

Severus seemed to consider her for a moment, "When do you plan on visiting with Miss Weasley?"

"Severus, you do know that Ginny and Harry are married?" Hermione smirked at him.

"I do. Mrs. Potter seems…vastly awkward," He stated with a half-shrug.

"That is her name though," Hermione raised an eyebrow at him.

"When do you plan on visiting with Mrs. Potter, then?" He sighed.

"I was thinking about going tomorrow evening since it'll be Sunday. She has been asking me to go shopping with her but I've been caught up with…Us," She gave him a small smile.

"May I accompany you?" He inquired.

"To shop with Ginny?"

"No. Not at all. May I go with you to their house so that I may…Speak with Potter," He swallowed.

"You'd do that?" Hermione asked, shocked.

"I cannot make any promises," He said lowly.

"Thank you!" She reached up and kissed him hard on the lips, smiling through the kiss, "You know that Ginny is pregnant too? She's about a month and a half further along than me. She already has a son," Hermione said.

"Does she now?" Severus questioned.

"His name is James. He'll be turning three in a few months,"

"I should have guessed as much that he would name his son that," Severus grimaced.

"You still hate James?"

"This new James will be free of all prejudices," He smirked at her, "But, as for the other, I have come to terms with the fact that he must have taken his head out of his ass in order to get married and have a child."

"You know she's having another son? Our sons will start Hogwarts together!" Hermione giggled excitedly.

"Lovely," He drawled, clearly not as excited about his son potentially being friend's with Harry's son.

"Oh, come off it, man!" She scolded him playfully.

He chuckled deeply, "I have some things I need to take care of tomorrow before we venture to Potter's. Where should I meet you and at what time?"

"How about entrance into the castle and at five-thirty?" She questioned.

"That sounds fine. I will owl you if I am running late," He nodded and kissed her forehead.

"Where are you going?" She grabbed his hands.

"Hermione, I've done this all out of order. I'm going to do right by you now, like you deserve. You will see," He smiled at her and kissed her lips softly, "I love you."

"I love you, too, Severus," She smiled and watched as he left her room.


	22. Mr Fix It

"_Stones taught me to fly; love taught me to lie.  
Life taught me to die, so it's not hard to fall  
when you float like a cannonball"_

Severus awoke around seven the next morning, a habit he had never learned to break. He showered and dressed himself then took his leave. He walked just beyond the Hogwarts barriers and Apparated to Robert Granger's backyard. He walked quickly around to the front door and swallowed hard before knocking three times.

After a moment or two, Robert opened the door and, upon recognizing who the visitor was, he smiled, "Hello, Severus, come in, come in."

Severus shook his hand and entered the house.

"I believe a 'congratulations' are in order?" He smiled happily, "Hermione told me the news about the baby!"

"Oh, thank you, sir," Severus smiled at him sincerely, "I was actually planning on coming to see you a few days ago but I got caught up with Hermione and the baby, you see. I had no idea until two days ago," He said sadly.

"Not to worry, Severus, you don't need to explain anything. My daughter and I are very close. She's told me everything. I never liked that Weasley boy," He scowled.

"Nor have I," Severus agreed, "But, I…I have a question for you."

"Yes?" His blue eyes found Severus'.

"I…I love Hermione. I love her with everything in me. I love my son. I want her to be mine forever. I want to take care of her and protect her and provide for her as long as I have the strength to do so," He said and after taking a deep breath he continued, "May I have your permission to ask Hermione to marry me?"

Robert's blue eyes pierced Severus' dark eyes. Severus didn't seem to breath and, finally, Robert broke into a wide grin, "Permission granted. Welcome to the family, son," He grabbed Severus and pulled him into a fatherly embrace.

Severus closed his eyes and returned the embrace gratefully, "Thank you…Thank you so much."

Her father pulled out of the embrace and studied Severus' face for a moment. A sadness formed in his shiny blue eyes, "Her mother would have loved you. I wish she were here to meet you, to meet her grandson…"

"Sir," Severus started.

"Call me Robert and…perhaps if you ever feel comfortable enough, you can call me 'Dad'," Robert said and Severus stiffened at this thought and then smiled.

"I know for a fact and from experience that the ones whom we truly love never truly leave us. Do you ever think about her and feel that warm, burning sensation in your heart?" Severus questioned him.

"All the time," Robert said softly.

"That's her. That's her telling you that she's there…" Severus' voice was quiet.

"Really?" Robert's eyes widened.

"Yes," Came Severus' silky reply.

Robert's eyes filled with tears and he smiled, "I can feel her now," He said and put his right hand over his heart.

"She will always be with you, and Hermione, of course," Severus answered.

"It's like magic for us normal folk, eh?" Robert laughed sadly.

"Yes and no. I was unaware of this for a very long time," Severus replied.

"Yes, Hermione's told me all about you. You are a true hero, Severus…A true hero through and through," He put his hand on Severus' shoulder and patted him twice. Severus jumped as a beeper sounded, "Damn. I'm sorry, Severus," He said regretfully, "I have to answer this page."

Severus glanced curiously at him, "A pager?"

"Yes, I'm on call. I'm terribly sorry. I would very much like to take you out to dinner sometime this week. Can you send me an owl with some possible dates?" Robert questioned him.

"Yes, of course. I would like that. I would also like to invite you to be there when I propose to Hermione… I'm going to do it at the Hogwarts Graduation Ceremony. It's next Saturday," Severus said.

"Oh, I would love to be there! But, I really must go!" He said with a sad smile.

"I understand. I will owl you with the details tomorrow," He nodded and outstretched his hand, "Thank you, again."

"Come here, son," Severus stiffened again at his words but welcomed the warm embrace.

"I will talk to you soon, Severus," Robert said as he walked out of the house, leaving Severus to Apparate back outside Hogwarts grounds.

He walked up to the castle mentally preparing himself for another bought of emotional stress.

"Dumbledore," He gritted out through his teeth and watched as the gargoyle jumped to the side. He walked up the winding staircases and knocked on the great wooden door.

"Come on," Came the reply.

Severus stepped in quietly and shut the door behind him, "Mr. Potter, what was it that you wished to see me…" Minerva turned to face her visitor and stood, wide-eyed, when she realized that it was not Harry Potter standing at her door.

"You're not Harry," She noted.

"Indeed," He said lowly.

"I…I wasn't expecting you, Severus," She said nervously.

"Obviously," He said.

"What do you need?" She was clearly uncomfortable.

"I wish to speak with you," Severus said as he gazed out one of the large windows.

"About what, may I ask?"

"Our…," He seemed to be searching for the correct word, "Issues."

"Yes?" Minerva was intrigued now.

"You cannot possibly imagine how much pain I was in during the events leading up to the death of Dumbledore and all of the events following. I had killed the only man that I had ever looked up to and respected. I had killed him because he had asked me to do it, to spare him, to show him mercy. He wished for me to kill him because death was coming to him…That wasn't the question. It was a matter of when and under what terms. I was forced to appear to betray everyone I had come to care for and to even like. And you, the one whom I was closest with, turned on me like a rabid beast," He turned to face her and found her eyes downcast toward the wooden floor.

"Severus, I'm sorry…You were meant to have us feel this way though, were you not?" She looked at him, interested in the emotion playing across his normally indifferent face.

"That's beside the point. I'm not finished. You knew that I was a spy. You knew that I had heard the prophecy and that I was the reason Potter's parents were dead. You knew that I had come to Dumbledore long before that and returned to where I belonged. I may look like it and act like it, but I never fit in with the Death Eaters. I was disgusted with…The things…That they did. All those innocent people, muggles, muggleborns, and purebloods alike…Their screams still follow me. I can see their eyes begging me to save them. I partook in the least amount of Death Eater events as possible as to remain below the radar.. I wasn't one of them, Minerva. I was a scared, hurt little boy that was just trying to find somewhere to belong and, after Lily, that Mark gave me some ties to other people, some sick sense of belonging. I was wrong. You knew all of this and yet you still turned on me so easily," He said his voice controlled and even.

"Severus, the only thing that we knew was what Potter had told us. Please excuse him if he didn't see the hurt in your eyes when Dumbledore pleaded you to take his life. He had no idea. The way it sounded you had just marched up there and killed him, Severus," She shook her head obviously confused.

"I passed him, you know," Severus said and noted the confused look on Minerva's face, "Potter, on the steps below the platform in the Astronomy Tower. I silenced him. He trusted me. He trusted me because Dumbledore trusted me. I had to kill someone so important to myself and to that sixteen year old boy…I had to do it knowing he was right under the stairs, peering up through the cracks in the wooden floor. I half expected him to march up the steps and kill me, silence and secrecy be damned. I had to do _that_ in front of Lily's son. I fear she rolled over in her grave several times…" Severus said solemnly.

"Potter had seen death before that. Cedric Diggory was killed right in front of him by Voldemort," She was trying to comfort him.

Anger boiled in his stomach, "Do not try to comfort me. I have made so many wrong decisions, so many poor choices. I used to crave the chance to go back and change every decision I had ever made. Not anymore. No, not anymore. I… I came to tell you," He swallowed hard, "That I have missed our tea times," He grimaced.

Her grin cracked ear to ear, "I was sure that you hated them!" She laughed heartily.

"I did, at the time," He said.

"Severus, does this mean that we are friends?" She said her grin fading.

"I am not sure that we are friends again, just yet," He said slowly, "But, I would not be displeased if we were to become friends again."

"Of course, Severus," She smiled, "I should have expected that. It's not going to happen over night, is it? Nothing ever does with you."

He shrugged and she approached him and he peered down at her curiously, "I'm going to hug you now, Severus."

Before he had time to protest or accept she had an arm around his neck and one through his arm wrapped around his back. He stood awkward and stiff for a moment before exhaling and putting on hand lightly on her back. He relaxed after a moment and she kissed his cheek before pulling a way, "Now, dear boy, do tell me what is going on between you and Miss. Granger. I have received news that she is pregnant…With your child?"

"My son, yes," Severus said, the statement causing his heart to thump wildly against his breastbone.

"And when is she due? When did you become a couple exactly? I had assumed you were together because I would often see you with her but, because of the circumstances, I didn't think it appropriate to approach either of you about it. I approve, by the way," She said with a wink.

Severus smirked at her, "She's due at the end of December. We have been together for just over a year. I have a request of you, speaking of Hermione."

"What is it?"

"I wish to propose to her at the commencement ceremony this Saturday," Severus said.

"Really?" Minerva beamed at him and bounced giddily in front of him, "What would you have me do?"

"I wish to make a speech," He began, "I have never been one for a public display of affection and it bothers Hermione. I wish to show her that, although it makes me uncomfortable to show other people, particularly people whom I don't know, how I feel that I will do it for her."

"Severus, that's wonderful!" She smiled warmly at him, "How about I call you up as a guest speaker? You could make a speech to the students and turn it into your proposal. Does that sound all right?"

"Yes, that sounds…" He was cut off.

"Severus, my boy, have you had time to heal enough to speak with me? I much desire your company," Came the familiar charming voice.

Minerva watched as Severus' face became hard and set in anger. Severus gripped the windowsill so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"Please, Severus," Dumbledore pleaded from his portrait.

"Thank you for your time, Minerva. Perhaps our next conversation can occur in a less meddlesome environment," He nodded at her and turned to walk out of the office as he kept his eyes downcast.

"Severus, I know that somewhere deep in your heart this isn't the way that you want it to be. You wish to talk to me. I know that you want nothing more than to turn around and speak with me, yell at me perhaps…I was wrong, Severus. For so many years I was wrong. I was wrong to do what I did to you and to Harry and to all of those people I put so much strength in. But, I did what I had to do, what I thought was best… I did it because I knew that the people I pressured into those situations could perform and could rise to meet the challenges and, eventually, conquer them. I did what I thought was best, Severus, you must understand that," Dumbledore's voice was melancholic.

Snape had stopped briefly in his tracks but he made no hesitation to leave the office. He did not even offer a shrug of his shoulders or tilt of his head in acknowledgement of Dumbledore even having spoken.

Minerva turned to the portrait as she watched the younger man's retreating form, "I don't think you know him at all, Albus."

"Why do you say that?"

"You once said to me that Severus Snape was a man whose heart and soul were dead and buried along with Lily Potter's body. You once said to me that Severus Snape was loyal to one person and one person alone – Lily. You once told me that Severus Snape was not a kind man, an affectionate man, and that he preferred to be alone and miserable," She gazed angrily at the man in the portrait, "And I have seen nothing but the exact opposite since the War ended. I've watched him over the years, Albus. His heart and soul were anything but dead. They were still with him at all times, beaten, bloodied, and bruised but they were still there indeed. He was loyal to far more than one person. He was loyal to you. He was loyal to me. He was loyal to Harry Potter. He was loyal to Hogwarts. He was loyal to our cause. He was loyal to our side. He never wanted to be alone. He never wanted to be miserable. He never wanted to be all that you had him pretend to be…" She tut-tutted Albus Dumbledore and Dumbledore became angry with her and left his portrait in a flurry of blue robes.

Severus walked quickly down the steps out of McGonagall's office and ran into, quite literally, a young man with familiar untidy, jet black hair. Severus stepped back quickly and straightened himself up, "Mr. Potter," He said cordially.

"Sir," Harry said awkwardly avoiding his eyes which Severus was most thankful for.

"It appears that Hermione is coming to your house this evening, to shop with your…Wife?" Severus stumbled over the phrase.

"Um, yes, sir, I believe that's the plan," Harry shrugged and scratched his head uncomfortably.

Severus looked him up and down quickly. His skin was clean and healthy. His famous lightning bolt shaped scar, while faded, was still clear on his forehead. He seemed to have grown several inches from the last time he had seen him as a seventeen year old boy. He seemed to stand about 5'10. He was as slender as he had been as a boy. He had grown into his features and he looked so unmistakably like James. Severus considered the distinct differences between the faces of the father and the faces of the son. James' jaw had been more defined, his nose slightly less sharp, and his smile had been cocky and self-assured. Harry, although a hero, was much less self-assured and lacked any sort of arrogance. Harry had softer features that, Severus assumed, had come from his mother.

Realizing that the conversation between them had become awkward, Severus spoke, "Would it…Be alright if I came by with Hermione tonight? I am long overdue for a visit, an apology, and for your much desired explanations."

Harry looked up into Severus' face for the first time, his emerald green eyes searching Severus' coal black eyes for something…Perhaps he was waiting for Severus to mock him. Upon not finding what he was looking for, the younger man smiled at him, "That would be brilliant, sir."

Severus nodded stiffly and strode past Harry, leaving him in whirl of confusion as Snape's robes billowed after him.


	23. Not Mature Enough

"_When I was young I saw my daddy cry and curse at the wind._

_Broke his own and I watched as he tried to reassemble it._

_And my momma swore she would never let herself forget."_

Severus paused as he passed Hermione's classroom. His next destination could be made alone or with Hermione. He knocked on Hermione's door and opened it when she beckoned the visitor to enter.

"Oh, hello, Severus," She smiled at him from behind her desk. She had a stack of papers she was about halfway through grading on her left.

"Hello," He said deeply and then avoided her gaze, "I have something to ask you."

She searched his face and his posture for a moment before she asked him what it is he wanted.

"I have spent today dealing with several issues. I have two more to deal with. One will be dealt with tonight at Potter's," He paused noticing her smile, "And the second I wish to deal with now…But, I do not wish to do it alone. I would…if you are not too busy…Very much like if you were to accompany me," He looked up at her.

"Yes," She said warily, "Of course. Just let me change," She said and walked to her quarters and Severus followed her as she waved him in.

"So what exactly did you do today?" She questioned as she searched her closet.

Severus hesitated for a moment, deciding to skip over speaking to her father, "Really I just spoke to Minerva. We are in the process of mending things now."

"Really? That's all you did today? It took you this long?" She glanced at the clock, confused.

"Yes, Hermione. It was not an easy discussion nor was it a quick discussion. We were rudely interrupted by that old codger to end the discussion."

"Did you speak with Professor Dumbledore as well?" She said as she began to unbutton her shirt.

"No," He glanced away from her.

"Severus, you're one stubborn man. I'm assuming he tried to apologize. You'll never move forward if you refuse to let go of the past," At that statement, his eyes shot to hers angrily.

"I've made a great deal of progress, thank you," He growled at her.

"Clearly walking out on a dead man trying to apologize to you is your sort of progress?" She had finished unbuttoning her shirt and slide it off of her arms and stood before him in her lacey navy bra. He stared at her and swallowed hard, "I cannot argue with you when you're taking off your clothes."

"Not mature enough?"

"Do you think I'm made of stone?" He said harshly, "You're beautiful and I love you and I don't want to fix things with Dumbledore. He's out of my life and that's where I like him."

"Fine," She said and moved toward him slowly, "I noticed something this morning. Look, it's our baby," She pointed to the small bump on her lower abdomen. Severus' eyes traveled to where her hand was resting. He noticed the small bump. He hadn't noticed it in the hospital wing but it was there. She had previously had a completely flat stomach. His mouth dropped open a bit and he brushed his finger tips on the bump.

She pushed his chin up to meet her eyes, "I want you," She said huskily.

He swallowed, "Is it…Safe?" He said looking back down at her belly.

"Completely," She nodded and reached for his collar and began to unbutton his top coat so slowly, so painfully slow.

She looked up into his face, his dark eyes were on fire as he stared at her. She smiled and he cocked an eyebrow at her, "I love you, Severus."

"I love you, too," He said huskily.

She kissed his Adam's Apple and continued unbuttoning his shirt. She pulled his shirt off and rested her right hand on his chest. He put his left hand over her hand and pulled her closer to him and found her mouth. Her left hand was on his ribcage and his was on her hip bone. His kiss was tender at first but the desire soon began to show as the kiss turned more passionate and needier.

He pulled her off her feet and she wrapped her legs around his midsection, "I love you so much, Hermione," He said and kissed her lips softly.

"I love you, Severus," She moaned into his mouth as he laid her gently down on her bed.

His skilled and practiced hands moved from her rib cage down to her hip bone and she arched up into his stomach. He kissed her chin. His lips moved over her neck causing her to moan.

He kissed the baby bump and mumbled darkly, "Close your eyes, son. It's mommy and daddy time."

Hermione giggled happily as his mouth returned to hers.


	24. Amor vincit omnia

"_And that was the day that I promised_

_I'd never sing of love if it does not exist._

_But darling,_

_You are the only exception."_

Severus smiled at her as she kissed him and pulled herself out of bed. He had a dashing smile. It was a true smile, a smile from his heart. He was strangely alluring when he smiled. She blushed at him as she put on her under garments and pulled on a pair of jeans.

"Severus, if you don't get out of bed we're never going to make it to Harry's on time. If you don't get out of bed your little side street trip will be rushed!" She said and threw his clothes at him.

"Yes, mother," He mocked her and pulled his grey t-shirt over his head and pulled on his jeans and black dress shoes.

"Oh, my Lord! Severus, for once in your bloody life can you please not make my hair look like a rats nest after we make love?" She stared hopelessly into the mirror.

"I kind of like it," He said darkly.

"I kind of don't!" She growled at him and picked up a particularly nice knot of hair and dropped it in defeat.

"Oh, hush, Hermione," He said and flicked his wand at her head and her hair was as nice and neat as it was prior to their little romance.

"Mmm. I like a man who can do hair," She said to him with an ornery grin on her face.

He smirked at her, "That's not the only thing I can _do_,"

"Come now, where are we going?" She chuckled at him.

"Hermione, I'm sorry…" He said.

"Whatever for?"

"This will ruin our current mood…"

"Severus, it's something you need to take care of and I will support you," She said and laced her fingers into his.

He nodded, "Minerva's given me permission to Apparate within the grounds for the duration of your pregnancy," He held out his arm to her.

"This is the safest way while you're pregnant, I assure you," He said seriously.

"Okay," She half-smiled at him and took his arm and with a *pop* they were gone.

Hermione looked around and took in her new surroundings. They were in a cemetery. Hermione had seen this place before. She looked at Severus. He was standing very still, his hand in hers was gripping very tightly, and his eyes were shut.

"It's okay, Severus," She encouraged him and grabbed his wrist lightly with her other hand.

"None of this has ever been okay," He said with a shuddering breath.

She looked at him carefully. He seemed nervous and uncomfortable and he shot her a wary glance and sighed, "I shouldn't have brought you."

"Why?"

"I'm weak, Hermione. Lily…She's the reason I made a lot of the decisions I did. She was the driving force in my life for a very long time. I came here today to let her go, to come to terms with everything. I'm weak though and I need you. You shouldn't have to watch me cry over the grave of another woman," He sounded disgusted with himself.

"Severus," She pulled on his wrist but he wouldn't look at her, "Do you love me?"

"Yes," He said quickly.

"I cannot understand what you're going through at this current moment but I will help you through it," She said softly, "I cannot hold any of this against you. She was a big part of your life, as you said, and I accept that. I'm not angry with you, Severus."

"I'm yours, Hermione," He assured her, "Please do not ever doubt that. I'm here today, doing what I'm going to do, because I want to move on…With you."

"I know," She smiled at him sadly, "Severus, I love you."

He looked at her face and gave her the slightest smiled and moved further into the cemetery. They soon stood in front of the graves of James and Lily Potter. Severus inhaled sharply and conjured a red rose. He pulled out two ribbons from his pocket, one was green and the other was red.

"When we were eleven, Lily made each of us a bracelet that had these two colors twisted together," He said looking up at her as he put the rose in his mouth and began to twist them easily because he'd done it a thousand times before, "She said that even though we were in two separate Houses, with these bracelets, we could always be together."

Hermione watched him intently as he tied the twisted ribbons into a bow around the stem of the red rose, "I thought it was stupid and girly but I let her keep making me new bracelets when mine become torn, frayed, and old."

He admired the rose and the ribbon around it in silence for a moment and then he looked at Hermione. He turned toward the tombstone, "Hello, Lily. It has been a while since my last visit. I've had a lot going on; as I'm sure you're aware of. I've come to say goodbye. It has been a long time coming, but the time has finally come. You were right, Lily. You were my best friend and the woman that was I was truly meant to love was right in front of me. I will never make up for what I did to you and to your husband on that fateful night all of those years ago but I have…I've done what I can," His voice faltered for a moment, "I am sorry for everything, Lily. I know you said you forgave me long ago, but forgiving myself seems to be harder than anything I've ever had to do. I'm going to speak with your son tonight," He glanced at James' name, "And I know that James is applauding me now," He sighed and set the rose gently on the stone right above Lily's name, "Goodbye Lily, my dear friend," He whispered as a silent tear fell down his pale cheek. He pressed a brief kiss to his fingers and touched her name and closed his eyes.

Hermione's gaze never strayed from him. Her ears seemed to be only attuned to his voice. A warm breeze suddenly forced Severus in front of her. He grabbed her waist and pulled her close to him, "And this," He reached into his pocket, "Is for you."

Hermione stared at the object he had pressed into her hand. It was a white-gold bracelet. In the center there was a white gold plate held by the white gold chain. On the plate there was a gold lion head, its mane detailed and long. Around the lion's head was a silver snake. The snake was looking into the lion's face and the lion was staring back. In very small script, a quote was engraved under the lion and the snake.

"Amor vincit omnia," Severus said, "It means…"

"Love conquers all," Hermione whispered as she fastened the bracelet around her left wrist.

"I have something else," He said and showed her his left wrist. On his wrist was the same white gold bracelet, "I love you, Hermione…Truly I do."

"I know, Severus," She smiled up at him brightly and kissed his lips, "Are you all right?"

"Perfect," He smiled down at her, "Now, we mustn't be late," He said with a smirk and Apparated both of them to a beautiful cottage on Willow's Way.


	25. Press And Release

"_Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts._

_And we've got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face._

_And I've always lived like this – keep a comfortable distance."_

Hermione knocked three times on the front door. Severus and Hermione were greeted by his former Gryffindor student. Her red hair was longer than he ever remembered it being. It was tied back into a low, neat ponytail. Her hazel eyes were shining brightly as she hugged Hermione. Hermione beamed at her. She looked over Hermione's shoulder and turned red as she noticed Severus. He smirked at her and bowed his head, "Missus Potter."

"Hello, Professor," She said, "Please, enough with the formalities. I'm not in school anymore. Please, call me Ginny."

Her voice had matured a lot, "I am no longer your Professor, either. My name is Severus," He said and extended his hand.

She put her pale hand into his much larger one and he kissed her knuckles quickly and gentlemanly. She blushed and she ushered the couple inside.

"Since when did he become so human!" Ginny hissed into Hermione's ear. Severus heard this comment and smirked to himself.

He turned to face the two women and took in Ginny's appearance. She was wearing jeans and a purple top. She had a more noticeable pregnant belly, "Are you well?" He asked her.

"Yes, the baby and I are doing well. Has…Anyone told you the name for our second son?" She said and put her hand over her belly.

"No," Severus raised an eyebrow at her curiously.

"Ah, well, I'll leave that to Harry, then," She said awkwardly and then finished with, "Speaking of which - let me go fetch him."

Ginny brushed past him and he turned to Hermione, "What in the blazes was she on about?"

"I've no idea, Severus, it's been a while since I've seen her," She shrugged.

Ginny returned with Harry Potter following in her wake. He was carrying a child with dark hair and hazel eyes. The child was definitely Potter's but looked more like his mother.

Severus outstretched his hand to Harry and nodded; Harry took his hand and shook it firmly.

"Well, ladies, when can we expect you back?" Harry smiled at his wife and best friend.

"Not too late, love," Ginny smiled and kissed him lightly on the lips.

Severus' heart thumped loudly against his breastbone. He would have to kiss Hermione goodbye in front of two of his former students. He was dizzy. His ears began to ring.

"I'll see you later, Ginny. Be careful, you two!" Harry said with a smile on his face as he adjusted the child in his arms.

Hermione came up in front of Severus and noticed his dazed look, "Don't have touch much fun without me, all right? And try not to miss me too much!" She stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his cheek.

No. He couldn't do that anymore. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her gently back toward him. He put his lips against hers in a light, brief kiss, "Have fun and please, please be careful," He said to her, taking in the look of shock on her face.

She smiled brightly at him, "I will!" She walked happily out the door with Ginny giggling at her.

Harry cleared his throat, "Oh, by the way Professor, this is James," Harry said stroking his son's cheek. The boy had his thumb in his mouth and he looked up from Harry's shoulder at the taller man.

"Hello, James," The name didn't have the sour taste like it had had for so long.

The boy perked up and picked his head up off of his father's shoulder. He took his thumb out of his mouth and studied Severus intently. He then put his arms out, reaching for Severus. Severus knew what this gesture meant and his stomach dropped and he unconsciously stepped away from the child.

"Would you like to hold him?" Harry asked him carefully, "I mean, it's like practice for you," He said nervously.

"I'm not sure I'd be any good at it," Severus said uncomfortably.

"He'll make you good at it," Harry smiled, "Trust me."

Severus stepped back to Harry and the child reached for him further and Severus stuck his hands out under James' arms and the child practically climb into his arms. He snuggled into his chest quickly and put his head in the nape of Severus' neck.

"See?" Harry laughed, "You're a natural."

Severus stood speechless for a moment. He could feel the child's hair brushing against the scar on his neck and he could feel him breathing lightly – in and out, in and out.

"Here," Harry said and pulled James from Snape's chest, "Let me put him to bed…"

Snape nodded, confused at how empty his arms now felt. Harry disappeared up the stairs and Severus stood where he had been in the kitchen. He looked around. Potter was living quite comfortably. His kitchen had a white-tiled floor. His table was dark mahogany with six elegant matching wooden chairs. A bouquet of tulips was in a glass vase in the middle of the table. He heard a step creak and turned to see Harry walking down the steps.

"Please, sit down, Professor," Harry gestured to the kitchen table.

Severus swallowed uncomfortably. He should extend the same courtesy to Harry as he had to Ginny and Hermione, "Severus," He said.

"What?" Harry asked, confused.

"You may call me Severus, or Snape," He nodded his head and took a seat at the table.

"Then I insist you call me Harry," Harry said as he sat down in the seat opposite of Severus.

"Perhaps," Severus said softly, "Now, you must have questions. I'm here, ready to show my hand… Ask your questions," Snape studied Harry intently, watching as thoughts ran through his brain.

"What was she like? My mother?" Harry asked.

Severus had expected that, "She was kind and charming. She was very slender. She had freckles. She had a fabulous sense of humor. She was a fantastic Charms student. She was very good in Potions, as well. Contrary to her name, a single red rose was her favorite. She liked flying and Quidditch. She enjoyed reading and writing. She loved writing letters. She was very loyal and very determined. When she put her mind to a task, the task was completed almost to perfection every time."

Harry smiled as he stared at his folded hands on the table, "Was there anything she was really bad at?"

"She was not much a public speaker. She hated giving speeches and demonstrations or being called upon in class. She wasn't very good at Transfiguration, either. She once failed to transform a dove into a pen and the pen had white wings. It took almost an hour for her and I to catch it," He looked at Harry, watching as he learned about his mother.

"What about my dad?" Harry said as he looked up into Severus' face.

Severus moved his gaze away from Harry's, "I'm afraid I cannot offer you much information on him. As you well know, he and I were not…Friends," He said.

"What do you know about him?"

"He was confident. He was a skilled Seeker. He was very good at Defense Against the Dark Arts. He was very intelligent and very quick. He was witty and sarcastic. He was genuinely accepted as "funny" and "charming". He was quite arrogant and I am not just speaking from a grudge. He was fiercely loyal, though, and proud. He took pride in everything that he did. He would have done anything for his friends," Severus said as he reflected on James.

"What did my mum even see in him? He seemed like a right ass from what I saw in your memories," Harry scowled.

"Do not get me wrong, Potter, I did not like your father while we were at school. But, he was very good to your mother and he loved her and he loved you with everything in him. He was good to her. He was good to his friends. We just didn't get on…Like you and Mr. Malfoy," Severus noted.

"So he did treat my mum well?" Harry questioned.

"Yes, of course. He loved your mother, he really loved her," Snape said, "And he loved his son. I saw you once, before they died. I made it a habit of following your family after I learned what the prophecy meant. I saw you. Your father was so proud of you and so in love with you. He showed you off to everyone around him. If you doubt anything in your parent's character, let it not be that they loved you more than anything in the world."

"Did _you_ even like me?" Harry asked, searching Snape's face, "Or did you honestly hate me? I guess I just don't think you did any of it for me… It was all for my mum. Did you even care at all?"

Snape looked at him seriously. He hadn't been expecting this question. He took a deep breath, "Look at me," He said and the green eyes found the black, "I do not hate you. I never did. I had to play my part, Potter, you must understand that. If I didn't give a damn about your wellbeing I would've quit long before the War. You were a modest boy, likeable, even charming. You were intriguing. Your face was so like your father's, but so vastly different than his; your personality was so alike to your mother's. You were quite entertaining," He said with a smirk.

"So, you did protect me…To protect me?" Harry questioned uneasily.

"Yes," Severus said smoothly, "I had to play my part. I had to pretend I detested your existence. You made it easy, though, with your determined rule-breaking and your cheek," His black eyes glittered and Harry chuckled.

"I'm sorry that I look so like my dad," Harry said, "I can't imagine that made anything easier on you…"

"Do not apologize for that!" Snape scolded him sharply, "I remember when I first saw you in school. You remember as well, too, I assume…It was the first time your scar burned because Quirrell was sitting with his back to you. You looked up at me, bright-eyed and curious. I knew who you were, of course, not by your face but by your eyes. Dumbledore had told me years before that you had the exact shape and color of your mother's eyes. I admit I was jealous for a long time, perhaps, I felt you should have been mine. Yes, you looked hauntingly like your father, but I saw Lily in you more than I saw James."

"Tell me what it was like…Losing my mum," Harry said, "I'm not trying to be morbid, Snape, I just…I never got any closure, I was never able to grieve."

Snape clenched his jaw and looked down at the table, "It was the worst night of my life, Potter, truly. It felt like my heart had been yanked out of my chest, stomped on, shredded, and then shoved down my throat. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to move. It hurt to sleep. It hurt to be awake. I had lost the only good thing in my entire life once, as friends, and then I had truly, completely, and finally lost her entirely," He looked at Harry who seemed to hang on his every word.

"She had been the only true friend I had had," He said and he gazed out the window behind Harry's head, "I regretted so many things. I wished to take back every choice I had ever made. It felt like my chest was going to cave in and explode at the same time. It felt like the world was spinning so quickly that it had seemed to stop…"

Severus tried to master his emotions but he hadn't talked about any of this in his entire life. His emotions were getting the best of him, "I blame myself for everything terrible that has happened to you. You being an orphan is my fault, Voldemort wanting to kill you is my fault… Everything is my fault," His voice cracked and he sniffed loudly.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Severus said as he uttered the boy's first name to him for the first time, "I'm so terribly sorry."

"Severus, it's not your fault. I had to be the one to defeat him. It had to be me. My parents had to die. You had to tell Voldemort that prophecy. It had to be that way," Harry assured him.

Severus looked up into his eyes and saw nothing but honesty and compassion, "I would give anything for you to meet your mother and father. I would give anything for you to be able to hug them, touch them, for them to kiss you and hold you…"

"It had to be this way, Severus. I do not blame you for anything and if it's any consolation I forgive you," Harry said sincerely.

Severus paused and then nodded, "What other questions do you have?"

"You love Hermione." It wasn't a question.

"Yes," He answered anyway.

"Do not hurt her, Snape," Harry's voice had matured over the years and he now sounded slightly intimidating.

"I can't hurt her. I won't ever hurt her. I need her, I love her," He said honestly.

"Are you intending to marry her?"

"Yes," Severus looked at him, "I am planning to propose this weekend at the graduation ceremonies for the seventh years. I would like if you and Ginny were to be there. You are her best friends, after all. I've invited her father to be there as well. You'd have to remain out of sight though until after I've done it."

"You would like for me to be there? And Ginny? Really?"

"Indeed," Severus said as he raised his eyebrow.

"I just didn't think you liked me that much!" Harry laughed.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, boy," Severus mock-warned him.

Severus chuckled, "So have you picked a name out for the baby boy yet?"

Severus opened his mouth slightly and paused and then said, "No. We haven't actually discussed that."

"Oh, I see. You best get on with that. It's not an easy task, mind you," Harry smirked.

"I certainly wouldn't think so," Severus said.

"Speaking of names…If you're not completely against it, Ginny and I have decided on a name for our son," Harry looked directly into Snape's eyes, "Albus Severus Potter."

Snape's mouth fell open and a million thoughts exploded in his head. Potter was naming his son after him? And Dumbledore? His name forever tied to Dumbledore's and to Potter? He was honored and confused and upset.

"Do you hate the idea?" Harry looked at him.

"I'm not sure," Severus said at length, "I'm honored. Why though?"

"You're probably the bravest man I've ever known," Harry said plainly, as if it was a well-known fact.

Snape's eyes welled up with tears and he sucked in a massive amount of air. Harry looked at him, concerned, and stood up from his chair and went around to Snape, who had started to shake, "Severus," He stumbled over the named, "Are you all right?" He asked and put his hand on the older man's shoulder gently.

Snape released the breath he had been holding and began to cry. He couldn't help himself. He had no control. Harry pulled at his shoulder so that his face was pressed into Harry's stomach. The young man wrapped his arm around Snape's back and his free hand rested on the back of Severus' head.

Harry seemed to understand, as his mother had been able to understand, "No matter how I feel about some of the decisions Professor Dumbledore made and how he treated me…And you… He still got me through the War. He prepared me to the best of his ability and he always tried to do what he thought was best for the cause. I owe everything to two men – Albus Dumbledore and you, Severus Snape. Dumbledore raised me up. He watched over me and he helped me grow up and come to the recognition of what I was to the cause, to the War, and to the Wizarding World. And you, Severus, you were always there. You were in the shadows watching my every move carefully. You were like a great watchdog. You were always there when I needed saving, you were always there when I was in danger. You forced me into becoming a man. You forced me to master my emotions. You demanded the best from me because that was what it would take for me to survive the war. You sacrificed everything you had and then almost your life to protect me and to end the War."

Severus hung on every word and clutched Harry's back with his long-fingered hand, "I'm so sorry for everything that I did to you. I'm so bloody sorry."

"I forgive you. You had to make me a man. You had to do it."

Snape breathed slowly for a moment before pulling away from Harry and resting his face in his hands as he propped his elbow up on the table.

"Tea?" Harry asked and began to make tea after Snape shrugged.

"I've not talked to Albus since right after the War ended…After I was released from St. Mungo's and came back to Hogwarts," Severus mumbled.

"I wouldn't expect you, too. I didn't talk to him for almost two years after the War. He didn't want to see us hurting, Snape but our positions and actions for the War were far too valuable. He couldn't let us make ourselves vulnerable by talking about how we were doing. He had to keep us all bottled up. It wasn't right. It wasn't healthy. But, it had to be that way…" Harry said lowly.

"I have nothing to say to him," Severus said with finality.

"I'm sure he has things he would like to say to you, though. I'm not telling you should speak with him. If you want to hear him out, then hear him out. If you don't, then don't. It's your choice and you have every right to be angry with him for the rest of your life," Harry said honestly.

"I don't want to be angry for the rest of my life, though. I spent most of it angry and remorseful already…"

"Then go and let him speak to you," Harry suggested, "You don't have to tell him anything, really. Just let him speak and forgive him for what he cannot change. It's not a contract. You don't have to speak to him ever again after that."

"Yes, indeed," Severus said thoughtfully, "Perhaps I will let him speak one of these days…"

"Here's your tea," Harry said and gave him the steaming cup.

"Thank you," Severus said and took a small sip of it.

"The women should be home soon," Harry noted, nodding his head toward the clock and then taking his seat across from Severus once more.

"Yes," Severus agreed, "Harry…"

Harry looked up at him over his cup, "Yes?"

"Thank you…For testifying," Snape said.

"I owed it to you. The wizarding world owed it to you."

"Thank you," Snape said.

"So, have you been doing well since your trial?"

"Yes for the most part. I'm harassed by media and that blasted Rita Skeeter. I do not speak with any of them. Obnoxious…The lot of them," Snape scowled.

"She is rather disgusting, isn't she?" Harry returned with a scowl of his own.

"Indeed. You seem to be doing well yourself," Snape noted.

"Yes. Auror training went well and I'm doing alright for myself. I enjoy it. I am glad to rid our world with the dirty scum that still walk among us," Harry said with a smirk.

"I'm sure you do enjoy that," Severus smirked at him through bloodshot eyes.

A twisting of the kitchen door handle caused both men to jump. Hermione and Ginny walked through the door. Each woman held two bags and both were laughing and smiling.

Harry watched Snape's face as he watched Hermione. His eyes lit up and his whole body seemed to relax at her presence. He truly loved her.

Snape stood up and breathed, "Hermione."

Hermione looked at him and then noticed his red rimmed eyes. She looked between Snape and Harry quickly. Harry smiled softly and shrugged his shoulders, "Severus, did you miss me?" She laughed nervously.

He smiled, "I am…Finding it harder and harder to be away from you."

"Sweetheart," She smiled, "Oh, Ginny, I'm exhausted! It was so wonderful seeing you. We will have to get together much more often. I've seem to have my life sorted out now," She patted Snape's chest, "I have missed our time together!"

"Oh, me too, 'Mione!" Ginny said happily and squeezed her into a hug.

"I would hope that old Snape here doesn't make himself a stranger, either," Harry said, "I enjoyed our time together."

"As did I," Snape nodded, "I will try not to make myself scarce."

Harry outstretched his hand and Snape took it and was extremely surprised when Harry pulled him to him and wrapped his free arm around Snape's back. Snape returned the gesture and they separated, leaving two women wide-eyed and gaping at them.

"I believe we will take our leave," Snape said and grasped Ginny's hand and kissed her knuckles again.

Harry pulled Hermione into a hug and kissed her cheek in a brotherly way, "You take care of her, you hear me, Snape?"

"I intend to do nothing else," He said as Hermione looped her arm into his and they Apparated back to Hogwarts.


	26. Love Is Real

"_And up until now I had sworn to myself _

_That I was content with loneliness_

_Because none of it was ever worth the risk_

_Well, you are the only exception"_

A knock came at Severus classroom door and he rushed to open it. He found Harry, Ginny, and Robert standing outside his door and he ushered them inside quickly.

"You all received my owls, good," He said nervously.

"Snape, you look dreadful!" Harry smiled at him.

"I've never been this nervous before," He said as he smoothed his hands over his dress robes. He had a deep purple graduation Stole around his gown. Each teacher wore a stole that signified the subject that he or she teaches. Severus also wore a green and silver cord that signified him as the House Head of Slytherin.

"You will do fine," Robert assured him.

"I certainly hope so," He said, "So, you have reserved seats to the left of the staff table. Hermione, nor anyone else, will be able to see you until after I propose. You can use this door and it will lead you straight to the Great Hall," He said gesturing toward a large wooden door, "Potter, did you bring your cloak?"

"Yes, right here," Harry said showing him the silvery robe in his hand.

"Good, use that until you get to your seats. The table will have name cards by your specific seats. All staff have been made aware of your presence, save Hermione, of course. It is essential you sit in your designated seats, though, otherwise the Charm I've placed on the chairs will not work properly."

All three nodded in understanding, "Wonderful," Severus opened the wooden door for them.

Robert hugged him briefly and stepped back, Harry and Ginny both followed his lead, "You'll do brilliantly," Harry comforted him and Snape nodded and smiled at him apprehensively.

Harry covered the three of them with the Invisibility Cloak and Snape watched as an Invisible hand shut the wooden door quietly.

Another knock on his door caused Snape to jump and to glance at the clock, "Enter," He beckoned.

"Hey, Sev, are you all ready?" Hermione asked innocently.

Severus' throat became dry and he swallowed, "Yes, let's head up, shall we?" He said nervously.

"Are you all right? You look a bit pale?" She asked, concerned.

"I'm fine. I promise," He said and they made their way to the Great Hall.

Severus took his seat next to McGonagall and Hermione sat on her other side. Minerva leaned in to Severus and said, "Is everything set up?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Yes," Severus hissed back.

Minerva stood and greeted the guests. Snape looked out at the crowd. The seventh years began the opening processional and they marched into the Great Hall and took their seats in alphabetical order. They were smiling and fidgety. The parents sat behind them in alphabetical order as well. Their chests were puffed out and their proud smiles infected the mood in the room immensely. It was a happy day.

Several speeches were made before Severus'. Minerva spoke to the graduating class; Hermione gave a speech and introduced the Valedictorian. Lupin also gave a brief speech. Minerva returned to the podium and glanced at Severus quickly, who felt himself pale further. Thankfully, Hermione didn't seem to notice.

"And now, we have a very special speech prepared by our Potions Master and Head of Slytherin House, Professor Severus Snape," Minerva outstretched her left arm and pointed at Severus to stand.

Severus stood and was received with warm applause, which surprised him. He walked over to the podium and heard Minerva whisper, "Good luck," to him in her thick Scottish accent.

Severus swallowed hard and glanced over the crowd, "Good afternoon. I know many of you are surprised that I am speaking to you. Yes, Severus Snape, the greasy dungeon bat," He chuckled and the crowd laughed, "But, I stand before you today to stress something that is of great importance and to ask a question."

"Emotion. Emotion is defined as any feeling associated with mood, temperament, or disposition. Emotion drives us. It can control us. Think about it. Anger can ruin a morning, an afternoon, an evening, or a night. It can sever a friendship for life," He said with a dark tone, "It can ruin a life. Hate can consume you. It can eat you alive from the inside out. Happiness is infectious. A true smile, a real happy smile, can make someone's day. Even I can't look out at all these smiling faces and scowl," Another chuckle from the crowd.

"But the greatest, and the deepest, and the most powerful emotion you will ever, ever feel is love," He paused as the crowd took his words in, "You love your parents. You love your friends. You love siblings and your pets. Perhaps you love a specific sport, a book. You love your Houses. You love your school. There are different types of love, obviously. The love you have for your family dog is not the same, hopefully, as the love you have for your mother," Another chuckle, "You do not love your boyfriend or girlfriend as you do your brother or your sister."

"Love is everywhere you go. You see love in every situation and under every circumstance. Love is the driving force in all that you do and in all that you have done. You do things for the people you love, the things that you love because you love them. Now, most of you know my history and some of you hold it against me still. I stand before you as a former Death Eater, a sob story, a spy, a hopeless romantic," Several parents shouted at him that his descriptions of himself were rubbish.

He held up a hand, "No, I assure you, these are all things that are true. Some of you may consider me a hero, or a villain. Perhaps I am both. Perhaps each and every one of us has a hero and a villain inside of us. I don't know. But, one thing that I do know, is that each and every single one of you deserves to be loved," The room was so quiet that Snape could have heard a pin drop.

"When I was eleven years old I met a girl, you all know the story. I mucked things up pretty good when we were older by calling her something very foul. I have no excuses as to why I did what I did. I had loved her. She had been my only friend, my confidant, and I loved her. As most of you know, I made some very poor choices after our friendship was broken. I will be forever marked by the darkness I chose to live in for so many years and it was only until recently that I stepped out into the light. It is only until recently that I had a reason to open myself up. My reason was love. There is a love that buries itself so deep inside of you that it becomes a part of you, a life line. It sustains you. Each and every single person in this room deserves this kind of love. It's a love that you can only feel for one person for the rest of your life. It encompasses your soul and makes you strong. You never realize how incomplete you were until you meet this person. You're never strong again without them. You need them as yours. Now, seventh years, there is a love that will ensnare your senses. It will make you feel things much deeper and much fuller than you ever thought possible. It will set your soul on fire. It will make a white light explode inside of your head, as if you've finally found what you didn't even know you were looking for all of your life," He paused again.

"I've found this love and it wasn't with my childhood friend. I've found this love recently. Every person deserves this love. This love sets you free; it gives your soul and your heart wings. I want you to wait for this love; I want you to search for it. If you listen to only one thing that I have said in all of your seven years of magical education, I pray that it be this: Love. Is. Real," He nodded slowly and turned around.

"And now, I stand before my colleagues, my friends, perhaps a few enemies, my students, and some complete and total strangers and I profess my love to you," He looked at Hermione and many females in the audience cooed at this, "You are the light in all of my darkness. Without you, I am a half…The worse half. Without you, I am weak. Without you, I am empty. I ask you now, Hermione Jean Granger, to please make me whole again," He pulled a velvet box out of his pocket, "Make me full again," He said as he rubbed his thumb over the box, "Make me strong again," He went down on one knee gracefully and Hermione's hands covered her mouth as tears filled her eyes, "Hermione," He flipped open the box to reveal the beautiful diamond ring, "Will you marry me?"

The room was silent except for Hermione's tiny, "Yes!" And then the hall erupted in applause. Harry, Ginny and Robert appeared at their table, standing. Their position sparked a standing ovation as Hermione rushed in front of the staff table and leaped into Snape's welcoming arms. He kissed her lips and set her down gently and slid the ring on to her finger, "I love you," He said into her ear so that he could be sure she heard him. She was beaming as she said it back to him. He hugged her and she slapped him on his chest hard and he looked at her and saw she was staring behind him with a grin on her face. Robert hugged his daughter and Snape looked past him and saw Harry and Ginny applauding proudly and he grinned and nodded at them. Robert hugged Snape next and whispered, "That was wonderful," And he kissed Severus' cheek and pulled away.

He smiled at the couple and moved back to his table swiftly, "And now," Snape boomed over the crowd, "For your diplomas!"

The crowd grew louder as the rest of the staff came up behind Hermione and Severus, congratulating them and then lining up to deliver the degrees. Hermione stood next to Minerva and Severus stood on her other side. As they congratulated their students, they were not thanked but they were congratulated as well. The ceremony ended with the school song and the tossing of the caps and the applause. The students migrated to their families and many parents congratulated Severus on an excellent speech.

Snape made his way over to Harry, Ginny, Robert, and Hermione quickly, "I would like to thank you all for coming. It means a great deal to me and, I'm sure, to Hermione," She nodded.

"You did all of this for me?" She grinned at him.

"No, I actually did it for my other woman, but she stood me up apparently," Sarcasm laced his tone and she patted him on the chest roughly and then kissed his cheek happily, "Thank you," She said.

"No," He said and tucked a stray curl behind her ear, "Thank you."


	27. Breathe In, Breathe Out

"_And I've got a tight grip on reality_

_But I can't let go of what's in front of me here._

_I know you're leaving in the morning_

_Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream._

_Oh, oh, you are the only exception."_

A loud pounding flooded Severus' head. He opened his eyes groggily and glanced at his clock. It was six in the morning and someone was pounding on his door. He shuffled out of bed and over to the door and opened it.

"Snape!" Harry Potter panted at him.

"Potter," Severus groaned.

"Did you just wake up? Have you seen it yet? I'll kill her, I swear I will!" Harry growled at him as he pushed his way inside the door.

Snape rubbed his eyes and looked at Harry, "Seen what? Who are you killing?"

"This!" Harry threw a bundled piece of parchment at Snape.

Snape unraveled the parchment and realized it was The Daily Prophet. He opened it up so he could read the front page.

"**Murderer, Rapist, Death Eater **

**Severus Snape Seduces **

**Heroine Hermione Granger."**

"No," Snape breathed out, "No. No."

"I'll kill her. Fucking Skeeter Wench! I'm taking this to the Ministry," Harry declared.

Snape sat on the edge of his bed and put his face in his hands, "What if she sees this?"

"I'm going to go wake her. Stay here," Harry said.

Snape nodded and followed Harry out of his bedroom and sat on his couch. He threw the Prophet on the coffee table in front of him and glared at it, tears stinging his eyes.

He didn't know how much time had passed but he immediately dropped his wards around his room when he heard another knock at his door.

"Severus?" Hermione walked around to the front of the couch and lowered herself to her knees. Snape's eyes were closed and he had his head hung.

Hermione smoothed her hands over his thighs and he peered up at her with hurt filled eyes.

"We're going to take care of this right now," Hermione said, "I need you to get dressed. I will have that woman's job by noon."

"Hermione," He grabbed onto her wrist as she stood up and he looked at her, "You haven't asked me if I've done it. You didn't either, Harry," Snape said as he glanced over his shoulder and was shocked to see Minerva standing next to him.

"I don't have to ask, Severus. I know what you've done and what you haven't done," She said confidently.

"Hermione, I didn't rape anyone. I swear to you, I would never rape anyone…" He pleaded.

"I know, sweetheart, I know," She smiled at him and kissed his lips, "Now, please, get dressed…Dress robes please."

Severus was not okay and Hermione knew that but she needed to get him to the Ministry and quickly. He came out dressed but his hair was still a mess. She stood in front of him and wrapped her hands around the back of his neck, "I love you, Severus."

He swallowed hard and just looked at her. She smoothed his hair out and assured him again, "I love you. I'm going to protect you and defend you. I will take care of this, Severus, but we really must go."

"Severus, you are well protected, I assure you," McGonagall said, "We will take care of this. I will not have your name slandered. You are to be happy with your fiancée. I will not have anything spoil the happiness you deserve so much…"

Severus nodded at her and they flooed to the Ministry. Severus followed behind the trio of anger and protectiveness in a haze. His heart was thumping wildly out of control and his breathing was short and shallow and painful. He was scared to lose Hermione. He knew the truth. He knew that raping was a common pastime of Death Eaters but he had never participated in that pastime. His name was already one with a giant question mark next to it. People could believe this. People could take her away from him. People could drive her away from him.

Harry knocked angrily on Kingsley's door and he answered. He must have just come in to work because he still had his over-cloak on.

"Kingsley, we need your help," Harry said and the tall man observed the people behind Harry. Hermione was flushed and Minerva looked rabid. Behind the two witches stood Severus Snape, his eyes cast down toward the floor and his face pale and sickly.

"What's happened?" Kingsley questioned.

"I want this woman thrown in prison," Harry said, "I want her job."

Kingsley read the headline and his eyes widened and he looked up at Severus. Severus could feel the heat of his gaze and he looked at Shacklebolt out of the corner of his eyes. He knew the question in the other man's eyes. _Is it true? You wouldn't have, couldn't have._ Snape shook his head once, quickly and Kingsley returned to the paper.

"Nathaniel!" His voice boomed and a pale, blonde haired man appeared, "Go and fetch Ms. Skeeter for slander. We have a quick trial to take care of."

Kingsley ushered them down the hall and into a formal trial hearing, "You will not need any legal representation. I will use Veratiserum on Ms. Skeeter. This will be over within ten minutes."

Ten painful minutes, "What about on Mr. Snape?" The bailiff questioned.

"That won't be necessary," Kingsley looked at the dark haired man carefully, "He was given Veratiserum after the War when he testified to his loyalties. The questions that need to be answered by him in regards to his activities as a Death Eater were answered then. I will not put him through that again."

Snape jerked slightly, as if to shake off an irksome fly. He jumped when the courtroom doors opened with a bang.

"How dare you drag me in here at this hour! Get your filthy hands off of me! What is the meaning of … Severus Snape," Her voice became icy and trill.

Snape's blood began to boil. He could feel his heart pounding in his ears. His face flushed and adrenaline coursed through his body. This wretch of a woman was threatening the only thing that was good in his life, the only thing he could call his own.

Snape stood and clenched his fists and Hermione looked at him, fearful of what he might do. He looked so powerful, so strong, and so angry.

"And if it's not the little whore herself. You know, I actually had some respect for you, Granger," She clicked her tongue against her teeth in disapproval.

"I'm sorry to say that the feeling was never mutual," Hermione said through gritted teeth.

Snape puffed up behind her Hermione after hearing the anger in his fiancée's voice. Skeeter seemed to shrink slightly as she saw his black eyes light on fire.

"Rita Skeeter, you have been brought into this court and before the Minster of Magic, Kingsley Shacklebolt, on the charge of slandering the name of Severus Snape," The bailiff explained, "You will be given Veratiserum and you will be asked questioned pertaining to your latest article about Mr. Snape and your knowledge and understanding of Snape as well as any history you may have with him."

Rita's face paled as she realized she had been caught. She resisted the officer pushing her toward a chair. Her wand was taken and she was magically bound to the chair in the center of the room.

Her futile attempts to resist the potion lasted no more than a few seconds. Snape glared at her the entire time.

Hermione touched Snape's arm gently but his gaze never strayed from his accuser.

Rita's eyes glazed over and her posture slumped and the officer began questioning her, "What is your name?"

"Rita Skeeter," Her voice was monotonous.

"What do you do for a living?"

"I write articles for the Daily Prophet."

"Are you familiar with a Severus Snape?"

"Yes," Her eyes never shifted from the floor, unconscious of her surroundings.

"Explain to me what you know of his history as a Death Eater?" The officer paced in front of her slowly.

"He was a spy for Dumbledore on He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. The Dark Side thought that he was their spy," She said evenly.

"So, you know nothing of his activities as a Death Eater," The officer paused in his steps, waiting for her answer.

"I know a few things," Her response was delayed. Her conscious had attempted to resist.

"What do you know of his activities as a Death Eater? What specifically do you know, for a fact, that he was responsible for as a Death Eater?"

"He killed Albus Dumbledore."

"He did that on Dumbledore's terms, did he not?"

"Yes," She said, again delayed.

"Do you know if Severus Snape raped anyone while he was a Death Eater?"

"He did not rape anyone," She hesitated again.

Severus gave a throaty growl, menacing and terrifying and Hermione studied his face carefully. He was so angry and so upset. She had never seen him like this before.

"How do you know this?"

"I was at his trial after the war," She droned out.

"How do you know he did not rape anyone?"

"He was asked by the Minister himself."

"And he was under Veritaserum when he answered the Minster, just as you are now?" The officer paced continually.

"Yes."

"Do you know of any evidence contradicting Severus Snape's negative answer to being a rapist?"

"No."

"So, the in the article you wrote for this morning's paper when you accused him of being a rapist, what was that?"

"A lie."

"Why did you lie?" He stopped and looked at her.

"I needed a better article," She said.

"You tarnished the name of a war hero, a renowned Potions Master and a good man because your article wasn't up to standard?"

"Yes."

"Why slander Snape's name?"

"He was easy,"

"Explain how he was easy."

"He was already a questionable figure. Many people are still unsure of him. I needed publicity for my article and he would give me that."

"Well, unfortunately for you, that article will not give you any positive feedback, especially when this trial is put in its place," Kingsley' voice was steady and deep.

Skeeter was given the antidote to Veratiserum and she slumped down into her seat further and looked around anxiously.

"Rita Skeeter, I hereby banish you from publishing any news articles for any paper, including the Daily Prophet. You are to serve three years in the minimum security section of Azkaban and then you are placed on probation for another three years. You will not receive employment in any journalism or publishing field and you are to hand over your wand for entire six years."

The blonde's jaw hit the floor, "Six years?"

"Slander is a very serious crime, Miss Skeeter," Kingsley assured her sternly as she was escorted out of the court room.

"I apologize that you had to go through this ordeal, Professor," Kingsley extended his hand and Severus shook it firmly, "Thank you for your help, Minister."

Hermione looked at Severus who looked dazed and confused. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it so that he would look at her. He looked at her briefly but did not say anything.

"Severus, I am glad we were able to take care of this so quickly," McGonagall smiled at him but he did not return the favor. He nodded and thanked her quietly and Harry shook his hand and he thanked Harry as well.

"Severus?" Hermione looked at him as they walked back toward the floo. He had withdrawn his hand from hers and he was stiff in his gait, "Are you alright, sweetheart?"

He looked at her quickly, "No."

They flooed directly into his quarters, "What's wrong, love?"

"You did not question me," He said darkly.

"Am I supposed to question the man I'm marrying?"

"If the man you are marrying is me, yes."

"What is that supposed to mean, Severus?" She looked at him, confused.

He took of his cloak and rolled up the sleeve of his left arm, revealing the faded Dark Mark, "This. This is why you should have questioned me. How can you be so sure of me? How can you trust me so much? I was there. I saw the women that they raped, Hermione."

"Severus, I know you didn't rape anyone," She whispered to him.

"How do you know?" Severus said.

"I saw how nervous you were the first time we made love. Your hands trembled, your breath was shaky. You kept looking at me to make sure everything was alright. You were so scared to hurt me. You can't hide an aggression such as rape. You're not a rapist, Severus," She assured him.

"I thought I was going to lose you," He finally admitted the truth.

"Why on Earth would you think that?" She scolded him.

"People always leave me, Hermione. Don't you understand? Good things in my life do not last. She said I was a rapist. People will believe her. You could be easily driven away from me…"

"Severus, that's not true and you know it. The good things in your life are here to stay now. Do you see this ring?" She flashed her ring finger, "This ring is a promise of forever," She lifted up her shirt," Do you see this bump? This is your son, Severus. This is our son. This baby is forever."

He looked at her, a deep sadness in her eyes, "I do not know what I would do if I lost you."

"You don't have to worry about that, sweetheart," She reached up and kissed him lightly on his lips, "I'm tired, Severus. Can we lie down for a few more hours?" She flicked her wand and she was instantly in sweatpants and a t-shirt. He gazed at her for a few moments, "Yes. Of course," He said and flicked his wand twice. Once put him back into his pajamas and the second flick pulled out the pull out couch.

"The couch, Severus?" Hermione looked at him, slightly annoyed.

"I…Yes," He said and sat down on the couch.

"What is with you? Why are you being so weird about lying in bed with me?"

"I want to…Wait until our wedding night…" He whispered, his cheeks blushing slightly.

"It's a little late for that," She put her hand on her baby bump.

"I know…But, I want that first night for us to be special. I want it to be different…Not like we've slept together the night before…I'm sorry," He said, ashamed.

"Don't be sorry," She smiled at him and sat down next to him.

She laid down and he laid down awkwardly next her. Within minutes he could hear her steady, deep breathing, telling him she was sound asleep. He propped himself up on his elbow and stared at her sleeping figured. He watched her breathe in and out several times before sighing and pulling himself off of the couch. He sat in his chair and summoned a baby naming book he had recently purchased.. They needed a name.


	28. Unique, Like Ours

"_Is this a dream?  
If it is please, don't wake me from this high.  
I've become comfortably numb, until you opened up my eyes  
To what it's like when everything's right, I can't believe."_

"Severus?" A groggy voice filled his head.

"Yes?" He said evenly.

"What are you… Are you looking at a baby naming book?" He could hear the smile in her voice.

He nodded, and turned the page, "Have you thought about a name?"

"Well, yes, obviously, I've got a list," She pulled it out of her pocket, "I always have it with me just in case you wanted to talk about a name…"

"Let's talk," He said and looked at her.

"Okay, well, I've got a list of about ten names. Do you want me to just list them off?" She looked at him and he nodded.

"Alexander," She looked at him to gage his reaction.

He blinked, "Your father's middle name?"

"Yeah," She smiled at him, "Lysander."

"No."

"Colin?"

"Creevey? No."

"Ivan?"

"The terrible?" He chuckled and shook his head.

"Liam?"

He shrugged.

"Marcus?"

"Flint."

"Gregory."

"Potential," He nodded his head.

"Nathan."

"Interesting."

"Peter."

"Pettigrew," He growled.

"Thomas."

"Riddle," He gritted his teeth.

"Well, that's all I have… What do you like?" She looked at him and folded the piece of paper and shoved it in her pocket.

"I have been thinking a lot about this name. You and I both have very unique names. I think our son deserves a name that is uniquely his own, as well. Gregory is the most unique that you mentioned," He said simply.

"I'm not really sure if I like that name though," She said quietly, "But, I agree with you that our child should have a unique name."

He stood up and grabbed her hand and pulled her off of the couch. He waved his wand and folded the couch back to its normal position. He grabbed her hand and pulled her down onto the couch with him so that she was leaning into him and his arm was around her loosely.

"Erik?" She questioned him.

"It isn't very unique, though," He said, "What about Maximus?"

"Gods, no!" She laughed at him and banged her head lightly against his chest.

"Killian?" She suggested.

"That's violent," He chuckled, the deep sound vibrating her back, "Cullen."

"That's feminine," She said, "Asher?"

"That sounds like a girl's name too," He said seriously as he stroked her jaw with the back of his fingers, "Micah?"

"That has potential," She said, "Cole?"

"I don't like the one syllable. It's like you could spit his name at him," He responded, "Xavier?"

"Oh, I like that too. But, does that go with your last name? Xavier Snape. No, I don't think I like that," She said, "Adrian?"

"Hmmm," He said, "I read a name in the baby book earlier… What about Rylan?"

"Rylan. Rylan," She tested the name on her tongue, "Rylan Snape. Rylan Alexander Snape. Do you like that?"

"I do," He said with a small smile.

"Rylan," She said happily.

"Rylan," He agreed.


	29. A Cozy Cottage

"_So, here we are and that's pretty far  
When you think of where we've been.  
No going back, I'm fading out, all that has faded me within  
You're by my side, now everything's fine, I can't believe."_

He wrote the letter quickly, his heart fluttering in anticipation. He had finished furnishing the house he had bought for Hermione and himself and their son.

_**Hermione,**_

_**Come to my flat as soon as you can. I have a surprise for you.**_

_**I love you,**_

_**Severus**_

"Quickly, Levi," Severus nodded to his grey owl and watched as the bird flew quickly and gracefully out of his window. A few minutes later, he heard a knock at his front door and he answered eagerly.

"Hermione!" He smiled and pulled her inside and bent down, pulling her in for a chaste kiss.

"Miss me already, do you?" She chuckled.

He looked deep into her eyes and nodded, "I have something to show you."

"Alright."

"You need to close your eyes," He said and she closed her eyes, "And you need to keep them closed. We will be Apparating to our destination. Keep your eyes closed until I tell you to open them, okay?"

"Okay, okay!" She laughed.

With a *pop*, Hermione felt the familiar tug at her nasal cavity as she side-long Apparated with Severus. She squeezed her eyes shut. Severus' hands steadied her as they landed and he guided her gently a few steps forward. He felt his cool lips brush her cheek softly.

"You can open your eyes," He whispered.

Hermione opened her eyes to a beautiful dark grey stone cottage. She took in the details of the house. The chimney, the flowers planted in the front of the house, the woods in the backyard, the green grass, the mulched area in front of the house, the stone driveway. There was a boxed in balcony on the side of the house. It was a beautiful home. Her hands covered her mouth in shock and happiness and her eyes filled with tears.

"Do you like it, Hermione?" He was nervous.

"I love it! Can we go inside, please?" She said happily, pulling at his hand.

He nodded and allowed himself to be pulled unceremoniously into the cottage.

"Now, it needs your…feminine decoration," He smiled.

"It's beautiful, Severus," She assured him as she took in the dining room, the kitchen, the living room.

"I have one more surprise," He said and led her upstairs.

He opened a wooden door to reveal a nursery. The walls were painted a light blue. The crib was new and set up, the changing table at its side. A mobile with broomsticks and a snitch hung over the crib. A Hogwarts crest was painted on the wall. There a dresser, a rocking chair, and a small bookshelf placed neatly in the room. Behind the crib on the wall, Severus had painted the name "**Rylan** "on the wall in a darker blue.

"It's perfect," She said quietly as a tear trickled down her cheek, "You spoil me."

"I do not spoil you. I treat you as you deserve to be treated, as I will always treat you," He scolded her lightheartedly.

"I love you," She hugged him tightly.

He kissed the top of her head and remained silent. He relished the feel of her body in his arms. He never wanted her to move. She spoke too soon, "Are you ready to go to Harry's pool party?"

He groaned, "As ready as I'll ever be."

"Do you even know how to swim?" She chuckled.

"I do not swim."

"Oh, you will, for me," She looked at him, the puppy dog look on her face.

He crossed his arms protectively, "Hermione…"

She smiled at him and Apparated them to Harry's.


	30. A Blur Of Ginger

"_And I was hiding 'til you came along  
and showed me where I belong.  
You found me when no one else was looking.  
How did you know? How did you know?"_

Severus noted the oversized purse that Hermione had apparently summoned and he rolled his eyes behind her back. He wasn't going to swim. That was that.

"Hermione!" Harry yelled and ran out onto his front lawn, embracing her in a tight hug. Severus blood began to simmer but he shook it off, it was Potter. Just Potter.

"Snape," Harry said after releasing Hermione and stuck out his hand and Severus grasped it roughly and Harry pulled his free arm around Snape's back again, "Come inside, you two!"

Ginny greeted Hermione with a hug at the door, "Severus," She smiled at him and he bowed his head and smirked in return.

"Ginny, we've got a lot to catch up on!" Hermione smiled at Severus over her shoulder, "But can we use a bedroom to change first?" She gestured to the back over her right shoulder.

Ginny smiled at her, looking quickly between her and Snape and then extended her left arm, "Just down the hall to the left, it's the guest bedroom."

Snape followed Hermione and he shut the door behind him. Hermione clicked the door locked.

"Why are you locking the door? I seriously doubt Potter wants to see me changing," He groaned.

"Because I wanted to do this," She grasped his shirt in her fists and pulled him to her, her lips crashing to his in desperate desire.

His shock left him standing there stupidly for a moment. Within seconds the fire that had possessed Hermione burned through his veins. Her tongue begged entrance to his mouth, which he gave entrance so easily. His hands moved to her sides. She groaned into his mouth and her fingers found their way to his hair.

She was tugging at his shirt now, fumbling with the buttons. She spun him around, the back of his knees now pressed against the bed. She slipped her fingers around his belt and tugged, looking up at him with desire in her eyes. She pushed him playfully down onto the bed and straddled his hips. Hermione slithered her body against his and he groaned and arched into her. Her hands sought his and pulled them above his head. His mind registered something cold and metal against his right ring finger. The engagement ring.

"Hermione," He whispered as she kissed his jaw line, "We're in someone else's house!"

Her head snapped away from his face and she rolled off of him, "Oh my Gods! I have no idea what just came over me! I'm so sorry!"

"Never apologize for that!" He was breathing heavily.

"Gods, I hate these hormones. They'll kill me, Severus," She sighed.

He stared at her and then blinked several times. They remained silent for a few moments and Hermione moved off of the bed, "Come on, and let's get changed."

He stared at her incredulously, "I'm not in a position to stand up at the moment."

She laughed, "Well, here's your suit!" She tossed him a pair of grey swim trunks.

"Hermione," He said seriously, "I do not want to swim…"

"Why on Earth not? It's bloody hot outside!" She smiled at him. Her smile faded when she looked at his face. His face had paled and he was staring intensely at the swim trunks, "Sev?"

"I just do not want to swim, Hermione. You are more than welcome to swim, I'm not going to stop you," He said, hoping to end the debate.

"Why won't you swim love?"

"Because I do not want them to see!" He hissed, "More specifically, I do not want HIM to see!"

"See?" She shook her head in confusion and then it dawned on her, "Your scars…" She hadn't thought twice about Severus swimming. She had seen him with his shirt off numerous times and in various situations. But Harry and Ginny hadn't seen him without a shirt on, "Severus, we all have scars," She said and pointed to one on her rib.

He shook his head, "You would not understand."

"Harry has scars. Ginny does too!" She said as she adjusted her bikini top.

"Hermione," His voice had the familiar whine in it. She knew she didn't understand him at all.

"Talk to me," She assured him and sat down on the bed next to him.

"Our scars are different. I do not want Potter to see mine."

She stared at him. She could see the wheels spinning his head as his dark eyes flitted across the floor. After a few moments he spoke again, "The first time you saw me without a shirt, you felt guilty. You asked me how many of my scars were obtained whilst protecting you."

She had a vague idea where he was going, "Go on."

"They weren't all from protecting you, but they are all from protecting Harry. I was just another Death Eater before I heard that bloody prophecy. I was no one in particular. I wasn't tortured until Voldemort made me his spy… That was shortly after I delivered the second half of the prophecy," He looked at Hermione quickly and then looked back at the floor, "The only scars I had on my body before I became a spy were the ones from my father, and the ones I had obtained naturally throughout the course of my life. And, of course, the ones on my soul…And my heart," He nodded, as if explaining this to himself.

"Does Harry know they are all from him?" She questioned.

"I am fairly sure that he is aware. The guilt that you felt was near unbearable. He… I don't want that from anyone ever again…" He whispered to her, "My scars are mine to bear. You should not feel burdened by or guilty because of them: neither should Potter or his wife."

"Severus," Hermione grabbed his hand, "You cannot run from this forever." She assured him, "Get dressed."

He looked at her curiously. He undressed himself and was left standing in his trunks and a white v-neck t-shirt. Hermione's hand rested on the door handle, "You could just leave that shirt on, you know."

"No," He breathed heavily, "You are right. I cannot run anymore," And he pulled the shirt over his head. His hipbones protruded on his slender, muscular form. The scars scattered over his chest and back brought his past suffering to center stage.

She grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly, "Everything will be fine, love."

"Don't let go," He commanded, "Please," And he followed her out of the room and down the hall.

The turned the corner and stepped out into the kitchen and a blur of ginger hair ran straight into Severus, almost bull rushing him over. He adjusted himself and looked at who had run into him.

Ronald Weasley.


	31. Uncomfortable Situation

"_You found me  
When no one else was lookin'  
How did you know just where I would be?  
Yeah, you broke through  
All of my confusion"_

His chest tightened and threatened to suffocate him. His heart leaped wildly around in his ribcage and his stomach twisted about several times. He suddenly felt incredibly exposed. He hadn't known that Weasley was going to be here.

"Listen, Snape," Ron began and approached him, "I am sorry for what happened between Hermione and me. I didn't mean for it to happen. I'm still with Lav. I was drunk," Ron seemed genuinely sorry, "You have something I could never have anyway. You've got her heart, Snape. You always did. She always stuck up for you, even when Harry and I bashed her for it. In the end, it was always going to be you."

The adrenaline rushed from his blood stream. He stood up straight, exposing himself and his scars fully now. Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Lavender Brown, who had appeared from the kitchen, now stared at his chest and stomach. Snape moved forward around Hermione and approached Weasley, he still shrank back like he had as a boy, "If you so much as look at her inappropriately, I will make you loathe the day of your birth, Mister Weasley."

Hermione tugged on his arm and he moved away from Ron, glaring at him all the same, "Can we go swimming now? It's bloody hot," Ginny laughed, trying to ease the tension.

"Yes!" Hermione joined in her effort and slipped her hand into Severus'.

Harry's stares at Severus' scars did not go unnoticed by either of them.

"Hermione, he's staring. This was an awful idea," Severus' previous confidence was fading quickly.

"Severus, he is not judging you!"

"Hermione, please, I'm uncomfortable," He said softly.

"Hey, Snape, can I talk to you for a minute?" It was Harry and Snape gripped Hermione's hand harder. She pulled her hand out of his, "Go talk to him, Sev!"

He looked at her, a flame dancing behind his eyes. He hated her at that second and she knew it. He reluctantly turned and followed slowly behind Potter into the living room.


	32. The Adjectives

_"The ups and the downs_  
_And you still didn't leave_  
_I guess that you saw what nobody could see_  
_The good and the bad_  
_And the things in between_  
_You found me"_

"Look, Snape," Harry started and Severus eyed him carefully, "I know that you don't want to talk about this but… Seeing that," Harry gestured to his chest, "I can't help but thank you again. I wish I could take it away, make it go away… I can't. You did all of this to protect me," Harry's eyes began to shine and Snape shook his head, uncomfortable with the boy crying over him.

"Thank you, Severus," Harry said, "For everything. For saving me all of those times, for protecting me, for caring about me, for loving Hermione, for sort of forgiving Ron back there. Thank you for everything…" Harry said and stuck his hand out, not wanting Snape to be any more uncomfortable and feel any more exposed than he already did.

Snape shook his hand firmly and said in a low voice, "Do not ever thank me for any of this," His hand swept over his chest quickly, "Ever again, Potter."

"Yes, sir," Harry said and smirked.

Snape followed Harry to the pool in silence. He saw Hermione sitting in the pool, against the wall next to Ginny. She looked absolutely beautiful. The sun hit her porcelain skin and made her shine. Snape hadn't even noticed that Harry had moved suspiciously next to him. Harry moved quickly but Snape grabbed onto Harry's arm as he was plowed into the pool, unceremoniously dragging Potter in behind him.

Snape surfaced and glared at Potter and opened his mouth to snarl something cruel at him for his immaturity but he heard the most beautiful noise in the world. It was like music to his ears. The rich laugh of Hermione came from behind him. He turned to the wonderful noise and flicked his head to the right to get his soaking wet hair out of his face. She was laughing and smiling at him and it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Not that she wasn't beautiful all the time. He smiled at her, a true smile, something Potter had never seen, except for in his memories. Ginny left her side and moved over to Harry. Snape moved slowly toward Hermione, his heart pounding and a grin plastered across his face.

He slid his arms around her and held her closely to him and whispered how beautiful she was into her ear and she giggled and squirmed but he held her tight. Eventually, he let go and he moved to stand against the wall next to her.

"When can we get married, Severus?" She looked at him and propped her right elbow up onto the concrete above the pool.

"Whenever you like, Hermione," He answered coolly.

"Okay, what about July, 7th?" She said and he coughed.

"What?" He chuckled, "You must me joking!"

She frowned at him, "Why would I joke about something like that?"

"Hermione, that's in less than a month!" He chuckled again.

"I want to be married before I'm fat and gross, Severus, I'm not kidding!" She said, "And I want to be married before Rylan comes," She said seriously.

"Firstly, Hermione, you are the most beautiful thing in the world and the adjectives 'fat' and 'gross' would never be able to get to you," He said and then he smiled, "And secondly, July 7th sounds wonderful."

She kissed his cheek happily and said, "Really?"

He grabbed her hand and pulled it out of the water and kissed her knuckles, "Hermione, I would marry you tomorrow."


	33. Wonderfully Wedded

"_We'll do it all, everything, on our own._

_We don't need anything, or anyone._

_If I lay here, if I just lay here…_

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"_

The next month had flown by. Snape had asked Remus to be his Best Man and Ginny was asked to be the Matron of Honor. Hermione asked Tonks to be her only Bridesmaid and Severus had nervously asked Potter to be his only Groomsman.

Before he knew it, Severus Snape was standing in a position he would have never dreamed he'd been standing in. He was standing in the wonderfully decorated Great Hall at Hogwarts. The tables had been transfigured into long wooden pews that lined the sides of the huge room, with an aisle down the middle. A white carpet covered the aisle. He was dressed, most unusually, in all white dress robes, as per Hermione's request. He couldn't deny her anything to do with this wedding, as she had agreed to marry _him_. _She_ had agreed to marry_ him_. Behind him stood Remus Lupin and Harry Potter. Both were wearing matching black dress robes and silver vests. Back and to his right stood Ginny Potter, slightly more pregnant, and Nymphadora Tonks, wearing gold dresses. Hermione had picked out the wedding colors so that it would show the two Houses, Slytherin and Gryffindor, coming together in love.

"Did you take that Calming Draught like I said?" Remus hissed at Severus from behind him.

"Yes, Lupin," Snape drawled and looked at him over his shoulder.

"Just checking, because your bloody hands are still shaking," Remus chuckled, Potter hit Lupin on the back, and Snape rolled his eyes.

He'd never been more nervous and more excited for anything in his entire life. He knew it would be only moments until Hermione was escorted down this long aisle by her father. He glanced nervously up at McGonagall, who had been asked to perform the ceremony. She smiled brightly at him.

He heard the traditional Muggle music. "Here Comes the Bride" played elegantly throughout the hall. All of the guests stood and turned to the entrance of the hall. Severus eyes traveled slowly, following the white rolled out sheet up the aisle, his heart pounding in his ears and his hands shaking uncontrollably and his breathing was uneven.

"She looks beautiful, my friend," Remus whispered to Severus and Severus nodded and then he heard Potter whisper, "She looks brilliant."

"I don't," He swallowed, "I don't believe in God, but I think she's an angel," He said, his eyes fixed on the beautiful woman in white walking down the aisle with her father. She was his, in all of her gestational glow and hormones, in all of her hot-headed stubbornness. All of her Gryffindor boldness and glory, in all of her happiness and sadness, in all of her beauty, laughter, and smiles, she was his.

Hermione finally reached the front of the hall, her eyes meeting Severus'. He stared at her, unable to speak.

McGonagall cleared her throat as the music concluded, "We are gathered here today to join in matrimony and magical bonding of Hermione Jean Granger and Severus Tobias Snape. This is honored and commended by all people, and therefore – by any means – should not be entered into inadvisably or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, and solemnly. Into this estate, this castle in which their love began, these two have entered to become joined and wed," McGonagall paused and directed her attention to Hermione and her father.

"Who gives this gives this woman to be wedded to this man," She gestured from Hermione to Severus.

"I do," Robert Granger said confidently and Hermione smiled brightly. Her father kissed her forehead; a tear trickled down his cheek and then passed her hand to Severus, who took it with his shaking hand. Robert looked at Severus, smiled, and patted him on the shoulder and said, "Her mother would have loved you," Before taking his seat.

McGonagall spoke again, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

"Wilferd Peterson," McGonagall continued, "Wrote a poem about the Art of a Good Marriage. He says that, 'Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.  
A good marriage must be created. In marriage the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humour. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow old. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner; it is being the right partner.' Now, I cannot tell you of you great happiness it brings me to wed these two wonderful people in front of me. I would like to continue with the wedding vows. Hermione and Severus have picked out poems for each other that they will read as their vows," McGongall said and nodded at Severus to go on with his poem.

Severus cleared his throat nervously, "I chose a poem by Roy Croft. 'I love you, not only for what you are but for what I am when I am with you. I love you, not only for what you have made of yourself but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you are bringing out," He looked at the floor and steadied his breathing and then looked back to Hermione, "I love you for putting your hand in my heaped-up heart and passing over all the weak and foolish things that you cannot help dimly seeing there and for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite far enough to find," He watched her eyes as they filled with tears and he felt a knot in his throat and he squeezed her hand and swallowed hard.

"I love you because you are helping to make of the lumber of my life, not a tavern but a temple; out of the works of my every day, not a reproach but a song," Severus closed his eyes to prevent the tears and squeezed her hand harder, "I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me _good_," His voice cracked, "To make me _happy_. You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign. You have done it just by being yourself.' I, Severus Tobias Snape, give you this ring, a token of my love for and my devotion to you. I pledge all that I am, and all that I ever will be as your husband," He slipped the golden band onto her finger, "I gladly marry you and join my life to yours," He looked into her amber eyes and saw tears falling slowly down her beautiful cheeks and she smiled at him.

Hermione cleared her throat and steadied her voice, "I chose a poem by Joanna Fuchs. 'My wonderful, Severus, on our wedding day, I think of all of the reasons that I am blessed to become your wife. You are the joy of my life. In you, I have found much more than I ever hoped, more than I ever dreamed a man could be," She saw his throat tighten as he fought to control his emotions, "In your arms, I feel happy, safe, protected. You're my hero, my defender, my soul mate, my love. I was born for you. There was a space in my heart that you filled perfectly. I fall in love with you again every time I see you," She paused and smiled at him.

"We are alike, and yet we are different," She said lightly, "Our similarities bond us together while our differences keep things interesting. And, no matter what, you let me be me, just as I am. I am so grateful for that. I want to keep discovering you. I love so many things about you now and I know I will find many more to love. The many little things that you do please me, and touch me more than you know. You see me with your heart and you always make me feel beautiful," It was her turn to steady her voice.

"This is the beginning of the rest of our lives together. We have so much happiness ahead of us, a lifetime of love, a lifetime to create wonderful memories. Nothing matters more than being with you. I love you; I trust you; I am totally open with you. Everything that's woman in me responds to the man in you, and, as we become husband and wife, I want you to know that there will never be anyone else for me but you, my husband, my love, my life.' I, Hermione Jean Granger, give you this ring, a token of my love for and my devotion to you. I pledge all that I am, and all that I ever will be as your wife," She slipped the band onto his finger, "I gladly marry you and join my life to yours," She said as the tears fell down her cheeks softly.

"Please hold your hands together," McGonagall said as she swiped a tear away from her eye, "Redimio illa duos per suum veneficus, per suum diligo, cetera of suum ago. Infinitus quod proprius. Pro umquam quod umquam," She said in Latin and a golden strand of light floated around the lovers' hands in a figure-eight and then disappeared into their skin, "By all power invested in muggle and wizarding ways, I now pronounce you husband and wife," She smiled at Severus who looked dumbfounded, "You may kiss the bride," She nodded toward Hermione.

Severus placed his hand gently on her cheek and kissed her lips softly, lightly, and lovingly, "I love you," He whispered as he pulled away and smiled when she whispered it back.

"Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you for the first time," McGonagall boomed over the audience, "Mr. and Mrs. Snape."

Severus laced his fingers into Hermione's and they walked down the aisle, cheered on by their family and friends. Together, they made their first walk, their first appearance as man and wife, happily, completely, and totally in love.


End file.
